


Blackout.

by plastiscguy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-02-08 07:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 61,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12859398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plastiscguy/pseuds/plastiscguy
Summary: On their anniversary, Theo Raeken suffers an accident that will put him in a coma. Liam Dunbar wonders if things are going to change once Theo wakes up... if he ever wakes up.





	1. Prologue

 

**_"Hi. It's me, Theo. I know you said you’d be busy, so I’m just checking to see if you're free ... anyway, call me."_ **

 

**_"Hey. It's already dark, and I'm at the restaurant. When will you be coming?"_ **

 

**_"Hello, it's me, again. I had to order or we would lose the reservation. I hope you get there soon or the food will get cold."_ **

 

**_"It’s me, again. I only call to say that the restaurant will close soon ... you better buy the dessert, scoundrel."_ **

 

**_"Hey... I'm on my way home. I don’t know if you have received my calls or messages because you haven’t answered any. Anyway, happy anniversary, Liam. I love you."_ **

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Theo Raeken looked at the screen of his phone, melancholy. He was sure that he couldn’t leave any more messages on his husband's voicemail.

The hours had passed and midnight was near. Without any news from his husband, he only resigned himself to drive home without paying much attention to the road. Diverting his eyes to the phone that never sounded while Liam Dunbar smiled, reaching for his phone. He was exhausted, but nevertheless, the pleasure was worth. "Dang it." He frowned at the number of calls and messages he had, mostly from his husband. "Yeah?" He answered after a new incoming call appeared on the screen. He couldn’t distinguish the number. "Sorry Mrs. Raeken. I just got my phone. What's wrong?" He quickly straightened, feeling the desperation rise up his throat. He was still trying to understand the random words the woman said between nervous crying. "Calm down, what's wrong?" asked again, and from one moment to the other, he was driving to the hospital, feeling panicky; Theo had had a car accident.


	2. Dynasty

 

**_It was impossible for Liam to forget the day he met Theo. Seven years ago, he would never have believed that his life would change in more than one way; going to the best art college in Chicago was only the beginning._ **

**_The stone path surrounded by trees that ended in front of a big old building only accelerated Liam’s heartbeat, who wondered how many other students had captured the image of the beautiful landscape on canvas as he wanted to do at that time._ **

**_However, the architecture inside the building was more modern than traditional, standing out completely from the outside. The works of art that hung on the walls intimidated the boy who felt like a miserable novice. And as he got closer to the reception, his heart was racing faster and faster. It was a big step he wanted to believe his parents would be proud of._ **

****

**_As the minutes passed and Liam walked to his new bedroom, without taking his eyes off his schedule, he tried to understand how mathematics was related to art. Would he learn to paint geometric figures? He felt the arrogant looks of the other students on him as if they knew how insignificant his art was compared to the future graduates._ **

**_In front of him was a weathered door with a pile of numerical plates of different colours, adorning the wood. He quickly turned his gaze to the key with the number in blue, wondering if that would be the right door, because he didn’t want to enter to a wrong room or worse, jam the key and have to call a locksmith._ **

**_For his luck and misfortune, the door opened without first having put the key, however, a female body fell on him throwing both to the ground. The girl quickly got up, running in another direction embarrassed and furious. Liam stood up, rubbing his back, while the boy in the room tried to contain his laughter._ **

****

**_“Are you OK, mate?” Smiled the blonde guy, raising an eyebrow. Liam sighed slightly, feeling a bad feeling about the young man. “You must be my new roommate, I’ve been told about you a moment ago.”_ **

**_“Yes.” Liam answered, leaving the bag in the only free place in the room, the floor. “I'm Liam.”_ **

**_“Nice to meet you, I'm Theo.”_ **

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When the doors of the hospital opened wide, the eyes turned to the young man in stained clothes, who was holding his hand in his chest, agitated. The place was really disheartening, people covered in blood, others with extreme pallor among others only made Liam wonder how bad his husband was because he couldn’t even think of anything positive.

 _"You’re finally here."_ He heard Jonathan Raeken's voice. The man was known to never show any emotion, so seeing the state he was in was even more exasperating.

 _"Where is he? What happened? How is he? Is he okay?_ "And thousands of questions came from the voice of Liam, who desperately begged for information. He felt his heart beat with fury and he thought he was about to suffer a crisis. His hair was dishevelled every time he had his hands to his head, trying to contain his impotence.

"He’s in surgery right now. We haven’t received the medical report yet." Liam nodded, chewing on his lower lip. His eyesight lifted, believing that his tears would disappear. _"Where the hell_ were _you? He told me you would have a dinner together."_

Liam looked away, denying. He felt stupid enough to confess something that had no importance at least at that moment. While both were heading towards the waiting room, Jessica Raeken was lying on the wall, fixing her makeup.

She didn't want to direct her furious gaze to her son-in-law, whom she had always resented. Hate grew inside the woman every time she remembered that her son was like that because of Liam. 

 

As the hours passed and Liam's eyes threatened to close, he had managed to remain calm despite everything, however, when the doors opened and the man in a robe came out with an expression of discouragement, the discomfort returned. The three people immediately approached, attacking the man with questions. _"I need you to calm down._ " The doctor asked. _"The patient is out of danger. He lost too much blood, but we have been able to stabilize him and suture the wounds successfully. Now, he will be transferred to intensive therapy, where he will be further analyzed."_

 _"Does it mean... he will be fine?"_ The woman asked, hopeful. The man nodded, unsure.

_"For now, yes. We will keep it under anaesthesia until we consider it necessary."_

 

However, the seconds seemed hours and the hours turned into days that passed slowly as they never received encouraging news about Theo. The young man had suffered a cerebral concussion and the induced coma seemed to be the best option for the deflation, but once the days turned into weeks, the doctor considered that it dependent on Theo to wake up. 

 

 _"I've returned as soon as possible. Any news?"_   The asian-featured girl was talking to Liam in the hospital cafeteria. The dishevelled and unfortunate aspect of the boy contrasted with the neat look of the brunette. _"I'm sorry I wasn’t here before. I cannot even imagine how you feel..."_

 _"I want to believe that everything is going to be fine..."_ he whispered, sipping his glass of bitter coffee. _"It's hard. Everything is stable, and yet Theo doesn’t wake up. And I feel it's my fault. "_

_"Don’t you dare to blame yourself, Liam! Unfortunately, shit happens. You'll see everything will be fine."_

Liam laughed bitterly, posing his gaze on the bluebird on a branch, outside the window. _"If something happens to Theo, I’d be lost."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_Liam found it strange to see that his roommate didn’t have any related to the paintings object in the room. Where were his works of art? And his brushes and canvases? Because he didn’t think any more than a pair of socks would fit in the small wardrobe on the corner._ **

****

**_“Where are your things? Isn’t allowed to have those kinds of personal items in the rooms?” he asked, pointing innocently to his bag of brushes. Theo laughed, denying._ **

**_“It is. I just don’t think my piano fits in this little pigpen.” Liam narrowed his eyes, surprised. He had never been close to a musician, much less a pianist._ **

**_“Sorry. I thought they would put me next to a painter.” He commented, taking his clothes out of his bag._ **

**_“Don't worry, you're not the first freshman I share the room with. I just hope you're not one of those who gives up and flees too soon.” Liam laughed, nervous. He hoped it as well. “Anyway, there is a party tonight in the neighbouring sorority. The girl who just collided with you is the hostess, she won’t like to see me there, but whatever. Are you in?”_ **

**_“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I've done my research about this college and its parties... so, no, thank you.” And no matter how hard he tried to sound nice and thankful for the invitation, he wondered if he sounded too pretentious. Theo just smiled, nodding away._ **

****

**_And once Liam hung small posters on his side of the room and the night came, the appetite began to be noticed in loud sounds coming from his stomach. The snacks he had brought with him seemed not to be enough, so maybe a walk around the building would clear his mind, maybe finding a vending machine on his way._ **

**_He wondered if everyone would be at that party that his roommate mentioned before because there was no sign of human activity in the entire building. However, the lovely sound of a piano cleared his doubts and as he got closer to the music, the surprise of seeing Theo sitting in front of the piano in the music room overwhelmed him. What was it doing there?_ **

****

**_“I thought you’d be at the party.” He interrupted. Theo turned around, scared but smiling once he saw who it was. Why did he smile so much? Liam wondered. “Is it a piece of yours?”_ **

**_“I don’t know if I should feel flattered or kill you for not recognizing a piece by Beethoven.” He teased. Liam rolled his eyes. “You were right, it wasn’t a good idea going to that party anyway. Besides, I’m supposed to prepare an original composition for this semester, but, nothing original comes to mind.”_ **

**_Liam leaned on the marble pillar. He knew exactly how that felt. He fought day after day not to have the same idea that someone else had had a second before, but it was difficult. “I know how it feels… Wanna know what do I do when the same thing happens to me? I think I'm part of a dynasty. It makes me feel powerful, so nothing seems to stop me and for a moment, I am truly unstoppable.”_ **

**_After a couple of seconds, Theo quickly turned around again, taking his pen and writing notes on his empty notebook as he played different keys. Liam laughed, confused. He couldn’t understand what was happening. “You know?“ He said. ”You just gave me an idea. And I think it fits perfectly with the concept I had in my mind. Mate, you saved my ass.”_ **

**_Liam laughed, fun as Theo turned around again while continuing to improvise._ **

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _“What's going on?”_ Liam looked up, seeing Theo opening his eyes slowly. His hand slid gently from his husband's, walking towards the door where Jessica rested her body. _“Where am I?”_

Jessica entered quickly when she heard her son's voice and the tears did not wait. Liam brought his hand to his trembling mouth. He never missed Theo's voice so much before _“My God, honey.”_ Theo frowned, letting himself be held by his mother, feeling pain in his body.

 Jonathan Raeken came in followed by nurses to the room, who separated the woman to do their job. The three waited impatiently, seeing how Theo was analyzed as if he were a laboratory rat.

 

 _“Well, young man, can you tell me your name?”_ The doctor asked, lighting Theo's eye with a small flashlight. The blond frowned.

 _“Yes, it's Theo.”_ He answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 _“Well, Theo. The car you were driving in had an accident, you've lost some blood, suffered a couple of fractures and a slight cerebral concussion. But, apparently, there is no aftermath. Do you recognize these people present?”_   Theo nodded, still overwhelmed.

 _“Yes, my parents. And..." Liam_ approached, slowly. _“I'm sorry, did you say car accident? How?  Whom car was it? My parents don't let me have a car.”_   The man looked at Theo's parents, a little nervous. _“What? what's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?”_

_“Do you know what year are we in?”_

_“2010“_ He answered annoyed. Jessica hugged her ex-husband, hiding her tears. _“Can anyone tell me why do you keep looking at me that way?”_

 _“Theo...“_   Liam whispered, with tears in his eyes. Theo huffed, shocked by the confusion, wondering who that guy was.

 


	3. Eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank my lovely friend, Stacey Collins (staymona55) who always helps me. I'd be really lost without her.

It was Tuesday when the first important test approached in a hurry. Liam's nerves were on edge, he still had no idea what he would present. The task was simple, each student received a particular topic, which they would have to represent in a painting, but on the one hand the frustration of not knowing what to do and the fear of reproving made Liam not think clearly. The inspiration seemed to have vanished through the air when Theo entered the room, laughing. "I didn’t want to scare you." He smiled closing the door behind him. Liam nodded, throwing a sketch on the floor. _"What's going on?"_

 _"I thought I had something, but I think I was wrong."_ He replied, sighing. Theo nodded, seeing the thousands of crumpled papers scattered all over the floor. _"I'm lost."_

_"Maybe I could help you if you tell me what is this all about."_

 Liam shrugged, leaning against the papers on the floor. He believed that after thinking about the word Eternity all day, the headache he had at that moment would become an eternal pain. Maybe he could paint a person in pain? No, no pain was eternal. _"I'm supposed to represent Eternity in a painting. But nothing comes to my mind, I mean... everything vanishes, nothing is eternal."_ Theo laughed, leaning to his side.

 _"Maybe you could give them a blank canvas. You would represent the nothingness itself."_ Liam rolled his eyes, turning to see his roommate. _"I wish there was some way to help you, you did it and thanks to you I’ve approved."_

_"Do you have any magic song to help my brain to concentrate?"_

_"What about what you told me? The dynasty…"_

_"Another family has taken power."_ He replied in an ironic tone.

 

As the hours passed and Liam tried to concentrate, Theo wondered if there was anything he could do. Frustration gripped his mind every time the results of eternity on the Internet gave him no idea.

 

 _"Maybe you should take a break,"_ the older boy advised, seeing his partner almost lose the little patience he had. _"If you throw another piece of paper on the ground, we'll fly out the window."_

_"There's no time for a break. I'm supposed to do more homework and I haven’t even gone looking for the stupid algebra book yet. Algebra! I don’t understand the relationship."_

_"Blame Pythagoras. That guy was so obsessed with maths that he imposed it on society by force."_

_"Is tomorrow's invitation still standing?"_ He asked, remembering the invitation to the secret, not-so-secret party that Lydia Martin had planned to throw in commemoration of having obtained the best average of her class last month. Apparently, any reason was enough to celebrate. _"I mean, it's not like partying a Wednesday night seems like a good idea, but I think a couple of beers will make me feel more relaxed."_

_"I'm pretty sure when you say relax they would think about something else, but if you're still not ready to move on from the beers..."_

 

Liam denied, mockingly. He had never considered consuming weed, not even after hearing the thousands of stories of artists who said it helped to relax and find inspiration to create their art. He wasn’t that desperate, or maybe he was, but he would only have patience and faith that a miracle would happen.

 

* * *

 

 

When the next night fell, Liam still reviewed what he would say and would do in front of the people. He didn’t know how to really behave in front of college students without being seen as the boy who had just left high school.

Theo, on the other hand, practiced his flirting tactics in case he knew someone drunk enough to fall for his charms. Nobody wanted to get close to Malia Tate’s ex. The girl could be a real monster when she got angry.

 

 _"Do I look good?"_ Liam asked, smiling shyly. Theo laughed at the sight of the floral shirt Liam wore. Had his roommate dressed to visit his Hawaiian grandmother?

 _"I don’t even know where to start, you'll never get a girl, my friend..."_ Liam dodged, nervous. _"Anyway, I think you look decent enough to be a painter, I mean... it's not like you guys have a style."_

 _"I think I look good."_ He sighed, looking at himself in the mirror. _"I'm not the typical pseudo artist with art galleries in New York. I want to be known for my talent, and not for my hipster-y wardrobe."_

 

And all the way to the sorority’s party, Theo never stopped teasing Liam, who regretted even considering going. However, the repentance vanished when they arrived. The party was not at all like Liam had imagined it, the music was really good and there were no people having sex everywhere as he imagined university parties. He wondered if they really were in the right place.

 

 _"I've never come to a Lydia party before. But, I thought you'd like it and it would help you to relax."_ Theo confessed, taking two empty red glasses. Liam smiled gratefully, walking towards the barrel.

Actually, Liam was not a big fan of drinks. And everyone could notice it by the expressions of disgust that the boy expressed without shame while drinking, but he wanted to have fun. Even if he didn’t think that alcohol was synonymous with fun _. "I'm surprised, I haven’t seen anyone have an overdose yet."_ He laughed, walking back to Theo. _"People here are quite friendly, in fact, a couple of people have given me their number. I guess my floral shirt is more successful than you."_

 _"It's a beginner's luck,"_ he replied thoughtfully. _"It's funny, you know? I think we've talked more about myself these days than about you... Actually, I don’t really know anything about you. Should I be afraid you're a serial killer?"_

Liam nodded, raising and lowering his eyebrows. _"You should be careful, I could stab you with my brushes."_ The truth is that Liam didn’t consider there was much to tell. _"My birthday is in July, I love burgers and obviously art... I don’t know. Whenever someone asks about me, my mind goes blank. "_

_"There has to be something else. I don’t know. Do you have a girlfriend? Any pet? Brothers? What about your parents? I've never seen you talk on the phone with anyone.”_

_"No, I don’t have a girlfriend. I'm allergic to pets, nor do I have siblings."_ The breeze blew against Liam's face, who was trying to hold his breath. _"And my parents died two years ago."_ The silence then reigned. Liam never liked to talk about the incident, he didn’t want to open old wounds that never healed completely.

 _"I'm sorry."_ Theo was slightly surprised and somewhat hurt. For some reason seeing Liam so affected had generated some kind of guilty feeling.

 _"I always thought they would be with me. As I grew older I felt more and more terrified, I guess I just wanted to be a child forever, so they would never get away from me."_ The last sip of beer slid down his throat, causing another expression of disgust. _"It's another reminder that nothing is eternal. Especially life."_

 

The hours passed as if they were seconds. The fun had soon turned into a hell of a headache for Liam, who as soon as he left Theo, had gone back to his room. While Theo conversed with Lydia Martin, who was smiling foolishly. Maybe because of the effect of cheap beer.

 

 _"You're not a babysitter anymore?"_ She asked between laughs. Theo shrugged. He hadn’t seen Liam leave, but neither would he blame him for doing it. _"Where is Malia?"_

 _"You tell me. It's your party Haven’t you invited her?"_ Lydia denied, laughing. And Theo knew the reason; Lydia was the cause of Malia having failed the last test when her guitar appeared mysteriously damaged. _"Where is your boyfriend?"_

 _"Jackson? He’s into guys now. Apparently, I'm not hot enough for him... What do you think? Am I hot enough for you?"_ Theo rolled his eyes, helping Lydia take a seat. Only inconsistencies and failed attempts at flirting came out of her mouth. Her drunkenness was more than noticeable. _"I guess you can’t have everything."_ She sighed. _"Anyway, it was my fault. You know? To think that our love would last a lifetime, that we would marry me and we would have children and pets... I was stupid."_

 _"You're not."_ He sighed, brushing the hair away from her face. _"You can become very competitive and manipulative sometimes, but you're not an idiot. You’ll find the right person someday."_

Lydia laughed, closing her eyes briefly. _"Theo Raeken talking 'bout love. Who could have imagined it?"_ And in a matter of seconds, the jokes turned into babblings that became snoring. The blond took Lydia by the shoulders, helping her to get to her room.

 

* * *

 

 _"Are you still awake?"_ Liam was standing with his eyes open, looking at roommate’s little globe, lit by the moonlight coming through the window. _"When did you get back? I didn’t see you leaving."_

 _"You had your eyes on the bust of Lydia Martin."_ He joked, sitting on the bed. _"Why are you here? Not twenty minutes have passed since I left."_

Theo walked to his bed, sitting on it, facing Liam. _"I  wanted to talk to you. I--I haven’t been honest, these days I've just tried to look cool instead of talking honestly about myself."_ Liam smiled sideways, raising an eyebrow.

 _"If you tried that, let me tell you that you failed."_ Theo huffed, throwing a pillow that landed on Liam’s face. _"Fine, continue."_

 _"It's hard to talk about this... I never had a close relationship with my parents, much less with my father. So, I'm not very familiar with the concept of feelings... However, I grew up surrounded by one. Hate."_ Theo sighed, taking a breath to continue. _"When my parents stopped loving each other and started arguing at night, I heard everything. No matter how much they hid it, I knew the truth. With the passage of time, they managed to get divorced and despite all that hatred that there was still between them, there was something that would always unite them... Me."_ Liam, settled back in place, feeling sorry for Theo. He would never have thought that he was actually more lonely than he appeared to be. _"And the thing is, Liam ... Your parents may no longer be in this world, but they have left a legacy. They have left the purest love sample, which will exist for life. And that is you. Their love will always be eternal, thanks to you. "_

 

Liam's body began to tremble nervously, moved to the brink of tears. Theo was right. That union of love that his parents had forged with him would never disappear.

Suddenly, his gaze went to his phone. He smiled with nostalgia when he saw his wallpaper. The last family photo...

 

 _"Thanks, my friend. What you said has helped me like you have no idea."_ Liam answered, honestly. His body straightened, quickly searching for the brushes and paints on the shelf above his bed. _“Have a good night. I'll be in the art room."_

 _"Can I keep you company?"_ He asked quickly before his roommate walked away. _"I mean, if it doesn’t bother you."_

_"I'd love to."_


	4. Empty...

Confusion. The pain in his head was sharp and only worsened by the opening of his eyes. The white light was blinding and the pale color of the walls made him feel in an uncomfortable infinity. The slight grip of his hand released when he moved his fingers with effort and his body straightened as he regained his sight. His ears were still covered by what he still could not hear clearly. Confusion is all he felt.

The pain in his body suddenly increased when he felt someone hug him tightly and by the perfume, he knew it was his mother.

 

 _"What's wrong?"_ He asked in a small voice. His mother was suddenly taken away by his father when nurses came in with a doctor with an extremely serious expression He understood it then. He was in a hospital. But why? How? The last thing he remembered... in fact, he didn’t know what was the last thing he remembered accurately.

Annoyance and uncertainty grew inside him each time the doctor asked questions about him. Had he mentioned an automobile accident? _“Do you know what year are we in?"_  the old man asked, suddenly.

Theo sighed, tired. _"2010"_ then answered. His pulse started to shake when he saw the looks his parents shared with each other. _"Can anyone tell me why do you keep looking at me that way?”_  However, the confusion wouldn’t go away so easily. Not even after the brief but explanatory response of the doctor. And curiosity grew; Was he dreaming? Why did everything feel so real and unreal at the same time? _"Who was that guy?"_ Theo asked, tired. While the hours passed, the compulsory examinations to which he had to be submitted had left him really exhausted. Dusk was approaching and more questions arose.

His mother smiled. Openly. _"Why don’t you sleep? I'll be here to answer all of your questions when you wake up."_ Theo nodded, sighing. He was curious, but also tired. The painkillers began to take effect and he believed that only then he would follow the doctor's advice about not getting upset. _"Sleep, honey."_

But the questions weren't over yet. Once Jessica left the room, Liam attacked her with multiple questions. The woman simply responded, without removing the smile from her face. _"Right now, he needs to rest. And you should too…"_ she advised, wiping the dust off his son-in-law's coat. Liam raised an eyebrow, incredulous.

_"I won’t leave until I talk to my husband."_

_"Mr. Dunbar, in fact... I wanted to talk about that with you. Both of you, actually."_ The doctor made his way between them, pulling them to a corner. _"No cause for alarm. After accidents where the brain is affected, it is normal for patients to have memory disorders. Leaving aside that, the patient seems to fulfill all his abilities, there are no motor problems, nor neither---“_

Liam crossed his arms, interrupting. _"But he will remember. Right?”_

The doctor nodded, uncertainly. _"We have reasons to believe he will. Although, there is no estimated date. However, we believe it is due to the state of confusion, on the other hand, the accident may have created some kind of trauma, but that is something only a specialist could know. For now, we just must wait and see if there are some advances, one piece of advice, is not to pressure him to remember... to let everything flow naturally."_

Liam nodded. He knew that he should not push him, even if what he wanted most was to enter the room and hug him without being an unknown stalker.

 

Suddenly, indignation began to appear when his father-in-law appeared from behind. _"Doctor, in case there's still no progress, don’t you think he should stay with his parents? I think it can be counterproductive if he comes back with Liam. To my son, he's just a stranger."_

And even if Liam had enough reasons to get mad, he accepted Jonathan was actually right. It made sense, what would he do if Theo returned without even knowing who his husband was? Hide their pictures? Sleeping on the couch or cutting the bed in two? _"I just want the best for him. But I’ll need you to let me see him. I won’t tell anything, I can say I’m a friend or---”_

 _"I think the best thing is to keep distance."_ Jessica answered, defiant. Liam contained his anger, ignoring her. He wouldn’t give up so easily.

 

* * *

 

The days passed and the wounds healed. However, there was no progress. Eventually, Theo stopped making questions, because he knew he wouldn’t get answers from his parents.

He was still trying to remember the last conscious moment before the accident, but they were only efforts in vain.

 

When his mother came through the door, smiling, he knew there was news. He would return home soon, even if he couldn’t feel it like that anymore, for some strange reason.

His father that morning hadn’t accompanied them, he wondered if he was busy working because that wouldn’t surprise him.

 

He was still trying to get used to his new body, it was strange to have so many muscles and that hidden little tattoo he didn’t even know he had, perturbated him even more. Why would he have a paint brush tattooed? He was probably drunk when he got it.

Certainly, he hated not remembering. And he hated even more that his parents didn’t want to help him do it. How many years of his life were forgotten? Would he be in a relationship? Would he have a job? Own house? although that, it was more than clear. Or at least, he knew with certainty that he no longer lived with his parents.

 

His room, which he still remembered as his, was no longer. His belongings were still there, yes. But everything looked and felt different. Empty.

The posters were worn, the few clothes in his closet smelled musty, his ornaments were covered in dust and the few photographs only reminded him of everything he didn’t remember.

 _"Can I have a moment alone?"_ He asked, shyly. Jessica nodded. She missed the feeling of hearing her son speak with such innocence. Normally things between them would be very different...

_"Try to rest, honey, I'll let you know when lunch is ready."_

 

And once the door closed behind his mother, Theo sighed, relieved. He was stupid, but he felt a stranger. Was he living another person's life? Because that's how he felt, oblivious.

 

His gaze analyzed every part of the room. He tried to understand why everything felt different, no knowing things would change how he felt? He wasn’t sure, he could feel it in the air. Everything was different, and not because of the accident. Something had happened, but if he only could remember what...

 

Theo rolled his eyes when he saw the phone in his hand. It was a new model and consequently the rarest electronic device he had ever seen in his life. It had a password and for obvious reasons, he could not access his own information. It was too frustrating.

 

 _"Okay, Theo, relax, you're home,"_ he whispered to himself. He laughed immediately when he saw the clothes in his closet. They clearly weren’t his size anymore.

Looking at the giant mirror, he sighed. It was strange to look like that. It was like seeing yourself but in the future. But he knew he wasn’t in the future. He was in the present. And what he wanted most was to remember his past, which at the same time scared him. It was disconcerting.

Suddenly, his attention was diverted to the object that jutted from the surface of his closet. It seemed hidden.

Walking slowly, he reached out to touch it. He was surprised to pull it and discover that it was a painting. With his face in it. He smiled instantly. It looked majestic. Who would have painted it for him? Would have been one of the street painters of the pier? _"Not to sound narcissist, but I look beautiful."_ He joked to himself, admiring the painting. However, his smile disappeared from his face when he saw the initials in the margin of the portrait. _“L.D.”_ he whispered. And that feeling inside him appeared. Again. Emptiness. He was feeling… Empty. Would there be any way to fill it?


	5. Secrets (Part I)

**_It was a piece of cake. It really was. College wasn’t as terrifying as Liam thought it’d be, in fact, it was easy. Although, easy wasn’t really the most appropriate word._ **   
**_And even during tough times, Liam had found a way to enjoy his stay and he owed everything to Theo. Unimaginably, their friendship that had been forged over time was something that seemed nothing could break. Both were inseparable._ **

**_Holidays break were only a few weeks close. The final exams ended days ago and all the student pressure had been left in the past._**  
 ** _However, Theo and Liam were in the library, looking for information that belied the nonsensical theories about_ ** conspiracy **_that Lydia had been responsible for telling each person who passed by her side._**

 ** _"They normally sacrifice virgins...” Pointed Liam, reading now a book about cults. “What would happen if a gigolo is sacrificed?" Theo laughed._**  
 ** _"We better stick to the rules. Let's sacrifice a virgin… Let’s sacrifice you." And Liam hid his gaze again in the book, embarrassed. Talking about his_** sex ** _life had been the worst mistake he had made. And even though he knew Theo wouldn’t say anything, that didn’t mean he would not brag about it to joke over and over again. “What If I help you with it?”_**  
 ** _Liam raised an eyebrow, curious. His cheeks turned red from just thinking about it. "What do you mean?”_**  
 ** _"That girl from the corner, she’s in my class. And dude, she’s eating you with her eyes." Theo teased, pointing_** **_his gaze to the Asian girl who couldn’t stop looking at Liam._**  
 ** _Liam then turned his gaze, seeing the girl, who quickly turned away once Liam saw her. "Shut up. She was probably looking at you." He answered. Because that wouldn’t be surprising for two reasons. Theo always caught everyone's attention and Liam was too insecure to imagine that someone would spend a second to look at him. However, Theo seemed to be the exception. And Liam couldn’t be more happy for having found such a special friend as Theo was._**  
 ** _"I’m serious. She’s the shyest person ever. If she’s looking at you is because she founds you irresistible.”_**  
 ** _Liam turned his gaze again, wondering if Theo could be right. “You think?” He asks, shy._**  
 ** _Theo laughed, "Go get her, Casanova."_**

 ** _After the small talk with Kira, Liam had learned the girl was a bartender in a small local nightclub._**  
 _ **Theo couldn't wait to self-invite themselves and as soon as the night came, Liam was getting ready, in front of the mirror. More nervous than ever. He had let Theo choose his clothes for what his friend would call "the hunt".**_  
 _ **A sigh escaped his lips when he saw himself in the reflection one last time. He felt like**_ **_Theo’s clone. Those pants were tighter than he would normally wear, and that leather jacket was appropriate for the weather. He would need at least two sweaters and a scar for the cold._**  
 ** _He ran a hand through his hair full of hair fixer, feeling strange to be combed. He rarely did it._**

**_"You can call me, Doctor Frankenstein." Theo smiled, proud of his creation._ **   
**_Liam, on the other hand, was still unsure about his look. "Do you think being your clone is a good idea?"_ **   
**_"You’re far away to be my clone, but a start is a start, my dear friend." He smiled sarcastically. Liam looked down at his friend, denying it with grace. Theo laughed, lightly slapping Liam's shoulders. "What are you waiting for? Move your ass. There is a girl you need to seduce."_ **

****

* * *

****

  
During lunch, Theo tried to find the appropriate words to tell his mother that he still needed more time alone. It was still a lot to process and he had to do it calmly, alone.  
It was not easy to accept that he was already a 28-year-old man when in his mind he was still 18. It was not easy to think about everything that could have happened in that 10-year gap he didn’t remember. It was too much to process, it really was.

 _"Dad will not come for lunch?"_ He asked, timidly. His mother sighed, with a nervous smile.  
 _"Honey, your father--- he's busy."_ And for Jessica, it was not easy either. Everything she had planned in her mind was harder to carry out than she imagined. She had to be meticulous. _"Do you like it? It was your favourite, I don’t know if you can remember..."_  
 _"I don’t remember having tried it before, but I can see why it's my favourite."_ He answered, honestly. The food was delicious, although he didn’t have much appetite he could notice it.  
At times, he wondered what the relationship with his parents would be like after 10 years. They had never been close, but he had always had a great appreciation for them.

After lunch, he ran to the garden, which, luckily, remained intact. As he remembered it.   
Being reclining on the lawn, blinded by sunlight was a divine sensation. Something he had been longing for since he woke up in that hospital. It was then that he remembered it. That sad looking boy in the hospital. Who was he?  
Until then he had forgotten how much curiosity that person caused in him. More curiosity than he supposed he should have. But that was because every time he asked about him, his mother tried to change the subject. Why so much mystery?

 _"I've brought you a glass of lemonade."_ His mother reported coming out through the large glass door. Theo looked up as his mother approached.  
 _"Thank you,"_ he answered, doubtful. After seconds of having taken the first sip, curiosity came out of his lips. _"Who was that guy? And please, I want you to answer me this time."_  
Jessica swallowed, nervous and surprised by the abrupt question. However, and to the woman's fate, she didn’t even have to think of an excuse, because of a few seconds later, her ex-husband went out into the garden, with considerable anger.

 _"Sorry, ma'am, I couldn’t stop him."_ The housekeeper whispered, before being interrupted by the man.  
 _"Did you intend to hide from me that my son had been discharged from the hospital?"_ He inquired loudly, wanting to know why Jessica would have done something so mean. Because that wasn’t something she could simply have forgotten. _"Are you planning to get him away from me like you want to do with Liam?"_  
Theo blinked quickly. Looking absorbed at his mother. That name shook his world. _"Mom?"_ Then he murmured, calling the attention of both. Jonathan Raeken sighed, watching his ex-wife blanch.

 

* * *

 

 

**_"Remember, it's all about confidence." They were in the club, which wasn’t as small as Kira had described it. The place seemed to explode of people and the music was loud enough to get a person dizzy before even being drunk. "Just have confidence in yourself. Relax your posture, and go for it.” Theo's advice tried to help with Liam's fear of making a fool of himself._ **   
**_"It's now or never," he whispered to himself, walking towards the lonely girl on the bar. "Hey, pretty!" He spoke in a raised tone. He had never even considered having a date, he was very focused on his studies and that was something he would definitely never have imagined doing on a Thursday night. However, Theo seemed too willing to help his friend get a date._ **   
**_"Did you called me petty?!" she asked, slightly offended and confused at the same time. Liam looked at her, with even more confusion._ **   
**_"What?!" The music was even louder at the bar. Liam wondered how people would order a drink. It was impossible to hear. "Can I have a drink?”_ **

**_Even if he hated alcohol, Liam knew he would need it, he felt he would faint at any moment._ **   
**_Kira immediately extended a small glass of vodka. Surprisingly, she wasn’t a fan of alcohol either, but she had to pay her studies in some way since her parents didn’t even agree with her daughter studying abroad._ **

**_The minutes passed and both began to get along. Theo obsessed his friend from the VIP zone, proud._ **   
**_"Theo Raeken as a chaperone. Who could have imagined it? "Malia's voice echoed in the place. Theo turned his eyes, erasing the smile on his face, the least he wanted was to talk. At least not with Malia._ **   
**_"Malia." He nodded, turning his eyes back to the bar. "I thought places like this weren’t of your style."_ **   
**_"So, did I, but people change. You should know that.” She smiled, sitting next to him. "So, your roommate resisted your tedious company, huh?"_ **   
**_"If he doesn’t, I know he's honest enough to tell me. That's something I appreciate about people, you know? Honesty. Although I don’t expect you to understand." Malia laughed sweetly. It was obvious that Theo was still hurt by the breakup. "What do you want?"_ **   
**_"I just want to keep you company, Theo. You are so lonely, lately." She said with a smile, laying her head on her ex-boyfriend's shoulder. Theo let out a nervous sigh, without taking his eyes off Liam. He felt frustrated at not being able to control his emotions._ **

**_Two songs later, Malia returned to her initial position, placing a soft kiss on Theo's cheek before leaving. Theo decided it was time for him to leave to. However, Liam wasn’t at the bar. Lost, he started looking for him._ **   
**_Squinting his eyes, he managed to see him among the crowd, dancing on the dance floor. He laughed briefly when he saw him, but his smile vanished immediately._ **   
**_Liam. Liam was dancing close to Brett Talbot, whom hands were on Liam’s waist._ **

**_Both were lost in the music. Brett's eyes analyzed every inch of Liam's face._ ** **_As he approached, Theo held his breath, confused by what he was seeing. To his surprise and displeasure, when Brett shortened the distance by kissing Liam, his friend offered no resistance. And that was more than enough for Theo, to turn and walk towards the exit without looking back._ **

 

* * *

 

 

  
Liam. Liam was the only word that didn’t leave his thoughts. What had his father meant when his mother tried to take Liam away? That name meant something but he could not figure out what.

His eyes shone with sadness as he heard his parents arguing across the room. The fights of his parents were something that he would definitely like to forget.  
His trembling hands analyzed the strange little telephone set in his hand. When he turned on the screen, he dedicated himself to writing the first combinations that came to his mind. I needed to be distracted. Seeing his parents arguing was too overwhelming.

To his surprise, seconds after he tried the second combination, his phone was unlocked. He quickly stood up, surprised by his aunt. However, the surprise was bigger when he saw his wallpaper. He recognized the person he was hugging affectionately ... It was the guy from the hospital!  
Then the confusion knocked on his door beside the familiar feeling of melancholy.

 _"Liam..."_  he whispered, without taking his eyes off the screen.

 


	6. Who Are You?

Hours after Theo woke up, Liam was on his way home. Kira was beside him, worried to see the uneasy state of his best friend.  
Liam knew that Theo would eventually remember, but by witnessing the scene, seeing the terror and confusion in his husband's eyes was just heartbreaking. All he wanted to do was run to hug him and cry. But he couldn’t.  
His eyes began to close involuntarily. He was tired. Not only physically, but of the whole situation itself. His relationship with Theo had never been easy and even though every moment with him was worth fighting, he no longer felt the same strength as before.  
What was he supposed to do? How could he wait for the right moment to make the next move? He wouldn’t know if he could handle it so long. He knew that what his parent-in-laws did was on purpose. None had ever agreed with their relationship and he even started wondering if the smiles on their faces were because their son had woken up or because his son didn’t remember him.  
   
When Kira and Liam arrived at the apartment, the girl quickly held her breath, overwhelmed by the smell of dirt and moisture that was in the disastrous apartment. Liam apologized, embarrassed. He hadn’t had time to order after the accident.  
 _"Go lie down, I'll clean for you."_ Liam didn’t want Kira to do all the work, but the exhaustion was extreme, he had barely slept during his hospital stay, so he simply accepted the help, without protest. Because he didn’t even have the energy to protest.  
   
However, when he thought he had shed enough tears in the hospital, they arose immediately upon entering the room. He could still feel the smell of his husband. Everything smelled of his perfume. The badly folded clothes on the chairs, the worn shirts that they shared as pyjamas, the pillow on the bed where they had made love countless times...  
Liam walked slowly to the bed, sitting in a corner. Damn, every corner of the room still smelled like him… His eyes closed tightly, trying to contain the tears that came out without stopping. Slowly he lay on the side of Theo's bed, taking the pillow in his arms, hugging the memory of his husband.  
And so, with a broken heart, he cried. He cried until his tears dried up just like his throat. Until the pain vanished when the dream came.  
   
But, nevertheless, the pain would never go away completely.  
   
 

* * *

 

 

  
As the days passed, Liam tried to cope, getting used to the idea of loneliness. However, it was more difficult than he imagined. He could spend hours staring at the screen of his phone, waiting for the call that never came. Sitting in front of the piano, trying to remember how the melodies that his husband played for him sounded.  
Literally, he had nothing more to do than wait and that made him desperate.  
   
There were nights when he was fully devoted to sleeping on the sofa, with the door unlocked, in case Theo returned. Days when he tried to get out of bed, but couldn’t. Since when had he become so dependent? Probably after his grandmother passed away and Theo was the only family he had. And it was for that very reason that he could not give up. Theo was all he had left and he wouldn’t let anyone take him away, he would fight even if it meant fighting until the last drop of strength left his body.  
   
He had heard that Theo would be discharged and no matter how hard he tried to resist the temptation to go to the hospital, he couldn’t do it. The attraction that made both couldn’t be apart was too powerful. To his dismay, Liam had arrived too late, however, he knew very well the address of Jessica Raeken's house and if he should spend his last coins on gasoline, he would. Theo was worth it.  
   
He had dressed that day as best he could. He decided to follow Kira's advice to shave and have a new haircut. He thought he looked like a nerd, but he remembered how much his husband loved seeing him dressed like that. Although later he would make fun of having such a nerdy husband.  
Throughout the trip, he focused on singing old songs that played on the radio, remembering the Karaoke nights they both used to have, which Theo clearly won by his excellent musical ear.  
He turned his face to the rearview mirror every certain interval of time, seeing himself. He smiled nervously, beginning to sweat more and more as he approached the city of San Francisco. The dusk was near and the soft summer breeze felt in the air.  
   
 

* * *

 

  
   
Theo kept his eyes on the screen of his cell phone. He couldn’t stop looking at that picture on his wallpaper, however, he never dared to look further. Despite his curiosity, he was afraid of what he could find.  
There were minutes before midnight. His father had left hours ago and his mother without further explanation had locked herself in her room. The atmosphere was still tense. He was beginning to have an appetite, but he didn’t even want to leave his room. He had an inexplicable fear abroad. He needed to feel protected and only in his room he felt that way, even if it was no longer his room, there was something that made him feel protected.  
His attention was diverted from the photograph to the window when he heard noises at the back of the house. He quickly picked up his flashlight, curious. It could be a thief, and he didn’t care. Because in a matter of seconds he was in the garden. Following his hunch.  
 _"Don’t move or I'll call the cops!"_ He ordered, shining the flashlight on the boy trying to cross the fence. A strange sensation rose from his stomach to his heart that beat with force. When he saw the young man's face, he felt paralyzed. Shaken  _"Liam?"_ He whispered.  
Liam gulped. He didn’t even know why he had made such a risky decision, however, hearing his name from his husband’s lips was more than enough to make it all worthwhile.   
   
The darkness was blinding, both were paralyzed in the same position. Face to face. Lost in each other's eyes. Liam analyzed every step he took, while Theo was frustrated by the feeling growing inside him. Why did he feel that way? First the painting, and the name. The wallpaper and now him... How was everything related to the feeling of emptiness that seemed to fill the instant he saw Liam's face? Who the hell was Liam?  
   
 _"Who are you?"_  He asked on the verge of despair. Liam let a tear fall, stopping. The love of his life still didn’t remember him. And then he realized the situation they were both in. There was nothing he could do that didn’t have terrible consequences.  
 _"Someone you used to know."_ He smiled, sadly. Putting his hands in his pockets, stopping himself from running to hug him.  
   
The light from the garden lit up, blinding them both momentarily. Jessica left shoots outward, worried and scandalized. _"Theo! Didn’t you hear the doctor? You must rest. What are you doing here? Go inside."_ She ordered to her son, who quickly went inside again, not knowing how to react. Liam sighed, not really believing that he was letting go the love of his life.  _"What the hell do you think you're doing here?!"_  she asked, holding back the anger in her voice. Liam shrugged.  
 _"I've accepted in a good way that Theo stayed here until he was better. But I don’t see how that can help him when all you do is keep him away from the people who love him."_  
The woman laughed, ironic. _"Do you think you'll tell me what to do with my son? I’m his mother, and I know what I do. I know what is best for him."_  
 _"No, you don’t, Jessica."_ He denied, getting closer. Jessica could feel the breath of her son-in-law on her face. _"You only do what is best for you. But that's over because I'm not going to let you keep destroying our relationship. He is my husband! And I will not tolerate your bullshit anymore, did you hear me?"_ Liam's tone was now threatening. His voice was full of pain and contempt.  _"If you really want to play this stupid twisted game, then game on. But take it for granted, I'm not going to give up so easily."_  
   
If Jessica wanted to play, Liam was more than willing to fight to win. He wouldn’t let anyone make decisions for him or Theo anymore, it was time for him to take the reins.  
   
After the brief threatening conversation, Liam walked to his car again. The game had barely begun and he was already analyzing the following movements. While Theo was peering out the window at the man leaving, he was sure that wouldn’t be the last time he would see him.  
  



	7. The Shiniest Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank you all. I don't consider myself a good writer, at all. But seeing that you like this story makes me really happy. I also want to thank my best friend, Stacey. Without her, I probably would not even be writing.
> 
> Happy friendship anniversary, Angel. I love you <3 
> 
> Anyway, I also wanted to say that after this chapter I will take a short break until the holidays are over. For what I wish you since now, Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. I hope you enjoy this chapter! xo

 

Once the winter holidays officially arrived, the Christmas spirit could be felt in every corner of the college. The Christmas decorations, the scarce but expected snow and even the gifts that some gave each other, before leaving to their respective homes.

The Christmas spirit was everywhere, except in the room Theo Raeken and Liam Dunbar shared. That lovely feeling of union was as far away as possible from them.

Everything had changed since that night, none had spoked a word. Theo was angry and hurt. Why hadn’t Liam trusted him? Weren’t they supposed to be friends? Didn’t friends have to tell each other everything? He felt betrayed, in some way. While Liam was silent. He swallowed his feelings as he always had, although, the pain was still in everyone's sight. The pain was still in their eyes.

 

While the residence was almost empty, Liam tried to warm up his body by drinking one of the glasses of espresso coffee Kira bought for both. They were walking along the great stone road, seeing how the trees that used to be big and green were now just dry branches covered with snow.

 _"Have you packed yet?"_ Liam asked, wincing after burning his tongue with the drink.

Kira denied, clarifying that she wouldn’t go home that year. _"I'm Jewish, Liam."_ And to Liam's surprise, Kira smiled. _"I know, a Jewish Asian."_

_"It's not that ... It's just that I thought you had some similar holiday."_

_"Oh. Hanukkah, yes."_ Liam threw his empty cardboard cup into the nearest basket, sitting next to Kira in the cold seat. _"Well, anyway, there is no Hanukkah for my family this year. You know, they're still upset about me accepting the scholarship."_

   

Liam nodded, feeling bad for his friend. But at least he wouldn’t be the only one who would be alone on Christmas. His grandmother would be out of the country and he couldn’t let her spend a single penny more on him. That also meant he had to find a job as soon as possible. Maybe Kira could get him a job at the club? It would be best to dodge Theo at nights. After what happened, he couldn’t stand the looks of hatred anymore.

And after the brief talk, both returned to their respective rooms. Kira, on the one hand, said goodbye to her roommate, while Liam was on his bed, looking at the wall. Not knowing what else to do. It was very cold outside and he had no homework to do. He hated being used to the fact that Theo was his only best friend, now he was alone. And that hurt too much.

 Meanwhile, Theo tried to disguise the nerves of spending the first Christmas with his mother after what happened almost two years ago. How would he pretend that everything was fine? Because nothing was fine anymore. Not even his friendship with Liam, which it was the only good thing that had happened to him in a while.

 

With furtive glances, he analyzed every movement of Liam. He was dying to talk to him and he knew that he was maybe overreacting about what happened. After all, it wasn’t such a big deal. But he couldn’t help but feel betrayed. However, for Liam, it was in fact silly. Of course, now he felt confused because he had never considered his sexuality before. He never questioned himself about it. He believed that, as an artist, admiring both feminine and masculine beauty was completely normal, but now he supposed he was wrong. And that tormented him. Who was he really?

 

 _"Liam!"_ They both suddenly heard the door open. Theo quickly covered his semi-nakedness, uncomfortable to see Kira in front of him. _"It's a true Christmas miracle! Or a Hanukkah one!"_ She smiled, not holding back the emotion.

Liam stifled a small laugh, getting up. Seeing Theo look at the girl, embarrassed, he hurried to get her out of the room. _"First, take a breath. Or you will drown."_ He advised while Kira nodded, still smiling.

 _"It’s my parents! They called me! And they said that they regretted everything that happened and that... Oh My God, Liam! My parents will come!_ "She shrieked and quickly hugged her friend, holding back tears of happiness. Liam, imitated the action, guilty for not being able to feel happy for his friend. He admitted feeling melancholy and envy.

 _"I'm so happy for you, Kira."_ He smiled, sad. _"All right! What are you waiting for? Go buy some gifts for them!”_

 

And Kira nodded as she ran to her room through tears and giggles of emotion. Liam let out a sigh, leaning back against the wall. It was at that moment that he realized that he had never closed the door and that Theo had witnessed the scene, especially his expression of sadness.

It was in vain to try to clean the tear that had slid down his cheek, it was in vain to pretend that everything was fine. He couldn’t pretend anymore.

 _"Mom always cooks a lot of turkeys,"_ Theo whispered, over the doorframe. He couldn’t let his pride get between their friendship. The holidays were for family to be together, and what he wanted most was for Liam to have one. He wanted to be Liam's family. _"Would you like to go home with me?"_

_"I thought you hated me."_

_"I could never hate_ you. _"_ he confessed, honestly.

 

And they both smiled, without saying another word.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After the short flight, Liam admired the spectacular scenery of the city of San Francisco, now through the window of the taxi. His mouth was half open, looking at the giant buildings. Theo smiled at how innocent his friend looked. San Francisco wasn’t similar at all to the small boring town of Georgia from which he was.

 _"Close your mouth, so no flies will get in."_ Theo laughed, catching Liam's attention. He laughed, blushing.

_"I’m sorry. I must look like a peasant visiting the city for the first time."_

_"Well, sometimes you dress as_ one. _"_ Theo whispered, loud enough for Liam to hear. He, however, ignored the joke. All his attention was in the city.

 

On the other hand, the house of the Raekens was far from the city, located in the residential neighbourhood. After an hour and a half, both arrived and Liam felt self-conscious. Although Theo was not a millionaire, his house made Liam’s look like a pigsty.

 _"Welcome to hell."_ Theo sighed, turning the key in the bolt. The smell of freshly baked food flooded the boy's nostrils, who looked embarrassed to admit that the strange sounds came from his stomach. _"Come. I will introduce you to my mother. "_

Liam nodded, letting himself be guided by the older guy. The place was huge, even more inside. Not even he knew the works of art that accompanied the expensive decoration.

There was a huge painting with the image of Theo next to a woman and a man in the main room. Liam assumed that it was the typical family portrait.

 

 _"Mom?"_ Theo called, entering the kitchen. Liam smiled nervously, staying by the arch of the door. The kitchen was luxurious and he was surprised to see that it was the mother of his friend who was cooking and not a professional cook as he would have imagined.

The woman stifled a cry of emotion, running to hug her son, still with dirty hands. Theo laughed, disgusted at the smell of raw turkey in his mother's hands. _"Honey, thank God you're here!"_

 _"Are you making three turkeys?"_ He laughed, curious. The woman nodded, explaining that they would take food to the homeless shelter later. Liam was surprised to see that Theo’s mother was indeed, kindly. He supposed it was hard not to be prejudiced after everything Theo told him about his family. Liam wondered then if Jessica’s attitude was different because of her ex-husband. _"Oh, sorry. I forgot. I've brought a friend, mom. He's Liam."_ Theo introduced his friend who was still hiding in a corner. Liam smiled, greeting the woman who smiled with kindness and concern.

 _"Oh, honey! Why didn’t you tell me you'd bring a friend?"_ Theo shrugged. It was something that, although he had planned to do, after what happened, he stopped considering it. _"The guest room is_ already _occupied. Your cousin Scott is here."_

And Theo bit his tongue before releasing a curse, smiling just for the sake of education. _"Oh great."_

 

And that was like a bucket of ice water. The tension could be felt in the atmosphere and it was even worse during lunch. It was clear that Theo wasn’t happy about the news. He could say that he even felt hatred for his cousin and no matter how much Liam tried to understand why, he couldn’t. What could Scott have done to generate such hatred in someone like Theo?

 

 _"It's delicious,_ Mrs. Raeken. _"_ Liam said, trying to create conversation. The woman smiled, grateful.

 _“Aren’t you going to say anything, honey?"_ Jessica asked. Theo smiled sideways.

 _"Do you really want my opinion? I thought you only cared about Scottie’s."_ He mocked his mother's voice by mentioning his cousin's name.  Jessica let out a tired sigh, keeping silent. Liam imitated the action, dedicating himself to only eat.

 

Once the awkward lunch was over, Theo had almost dragged Liam outside. If they couldn’t go back to college until the holidays were over, at least he’d try to be out of the house as much as possible.

The snow had stopped falling and the warm sun warmed their bodies slowly. Theo would greet his neighbours from time to time, while Liam tried to find a way to talk about what happened. It was something that was still pending to discuss.

 _"I'm sorry,"_ he said then, in a low voice. Theo nodded, narrowing his eyes. _"I should have told you. It's just… I don’t know.”_

 _"It's my fault. I shouldn’t have reacted that way."_ He replied back, apologizing. _"I guess it bothered me the fact that you didn’t trust me, you know? But I guess it's not your fault anyway, it must have been not easy for you so... I'm sorry."_ Liam nodded, grateful that Theo seemed willing to forget what had happened. All he wanted was to make the passes and move on. _"I just want you to trust me. And know that if you ever need to talk about something, you can count on me. You know--- I don’t care if you are gay, or whatever you are, really. Nothing will change between us."_ He smiled, placing an arm around Liam's shoulder. " _As long as you don’t start dating Brett Talbot. Seriously, that guy is an idiot. With his arrogant dancer’s attitude..."_ Liam laughed at his friend's disgusted expression, he did it every time he talked about someone he didn’t like.

 _"Don’t worry, he's not my type."_ Said Liam, he didn’t even know what was his type.

 

After the brief conversation, both seemed more relaxed. Not everything would return to normal so easily, but that had been a good start.

At least now they could look each other in the eye.

 

As they approached the park, both began to make random jokes. Liam still wanted to ask about his cousin, but he wasn’t sure if it would be prudent. However, the answer seemed to be closer than he thought. _"Watch out!"_ They heard a worried voice. And the instant they turned around, Liam took the ball that was aimed directly at his face. As much as he and Theo were surprised by the minor's reflexes. _“Are you okay? I'm so sorry."_ A dark-haired boy apologized, walking towards to them. Liam's eyes were distracted admiring the athletic body of the boy to notice the expression of concern he had. However, before Liam could even answer, a roar of annoyance from Theo caught his attention. _"Hello, dear cousin."_ Liam opened his mouth slightly, surprised.

 _"Scott..."_ he then whispered the name. Scott smiled, winking at Liam.

_"The one and only, and you are…?"_

 

And Liam smiled, without notice how annoyed Theo seemed to be. At both.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The hours passed and the night arrived. After the visit of the homeless shelter, they were back at Theo’s home while Liam tried to understand why his friend held such a grudge against his cousin, Scott.

Scott wasn’t just stupidly sexy. He was actually nice and kind, much more than his cousin. And even if the arrogance seemed to be a family thing, there was something about him that made it unimportant. Liam hated to admit it, but he felt really attracted to Scott. And Theo's jealousy was more than remarkable, would Scott try to steal his friend from him as he had done with his parents? Like had he tried to do with his girlfriend?

 

 _"It's interesting. I've always been interested in art, but sports are really my thing."_ Scott smiled.

 _“I can see.”_ Liam giggled, looking at Scott’s body. They were in the living room. In front of the fireplace, reclining on the carpet talking about random stuff.

While Jessica had gone to bed early, Theo watched his friend from the corner, fall for the charms of his disgusting cousin. He didn’t want to get angry again, but Liam was giving him a hundred million reasons to get more than angry. _"Have you ever painted someone? I could be your model, someday."_ Scott suggested, still smiling coquettishly.

Liam laughed embarrassed, watching Theo look at them from a corner with fury. _"It would be interesting,"_ he whispered, getting up. _"But I think now it's time to sleep, though. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Scott. "_

 _"Oh, believe me, the pleasure has been mine."_ The dark-haired replied, waving goodbye. Theo started walking upstairs, without even waiting for Liam. He almost ran, following his friend who despite the calls didn’t stop walking.

 _"Theo, wait!"_ Liam called again, agitated. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t walk too fast without losing his breath and that house looked like a giant labyrinth for Theo to leave him on his own.

 _"Why don’t you go sleep in Scottie's room?!"_ Theo shouted, entering his room.

 

Liam watched him throw himself to the bed, his gaze toward the ceiling. His chest contracted, with each breath he gave. He wasn’t only agitated but also really exalted. He seemed nervous.

 _"What are you talking about, Theo?"_ No matter how hard he tried to understand the sudden change of mood, he couldn’t. Had he done something wrong? He knew that Theo hated his cousin, but he didn’t believe that what he considered a friendly talk was a source of so much anger.

 _"It's what he always does."_ Theo hated talking about it, but he had no choice. He knew that only with Liam could he be honest with himself, even if it meant showing weakness. _"There's a reason why I never want to come home, Liam... and that's because I don’t have any."_

After the divorce of his parents, his father had never communicated with him. And even though Theo preferred it that way, it was painful to know that his father didn’t even care about him. On the other hand, his mother seemed to have completely forgotten about his existence. And that Scott was there, it only made things worse. It seemed that Jessica sometimes preferred Scott as her son. Theo felt lonely. Theo was lonely. _"Scott has been always the star of the family, everyone prefers him."_

Liam, not knowing what to say or do, walked slowly to Theo's bed, sitting on the tip of the bed. Afraid to say or do something inappropriate, he smiled, playing with his hands. _"You are the shiniest star of all, Raeken."_ He honestly confessed in whispers.

A long silence echoed in the room until Theo finally spoke. _"You just say it because you're my friend and want to make me feel good."_ He didn’t want to admit that what Liam had said had been what he had always wanted to hear and never had. Until now.

Liam, on the other hand, wondered if it had really been a good idea to say that. _"I said it because I think so."_ He replied, getting out of bed and walking towards the makeshift bed on the floor where he would sleep.

 

Theo nodded, without saying another word. He felt confused and more confused at not knowing why.

Liam was silent and after the brief and simple greeting of goodnight, both resigned themselves to sleep. However, that feeling of strangeness between them remained all night, creating an inexplicable tension.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was Christmas Eve at early morning when Liam was in front of the fireplace, lost in his thoughts.

During the previous day, neither he nor Theo had shared more than one word and everyone could notice the unexplained tension between them. Even them, but they feared what could happen if they talked about it.

 

Luckily for Theo, Scott would leave early that morning after receiving a sudden call from his mother. However, Liam was still ashamed of having acted so oddly with Scott, who certainly didn’t deserve a bad treatment at least form him. Whatever was between him and Theo, it was theirs. However, there was something that made Liam not feel comfortable, and it was the fact that he knew Scott somehow hurt Theo.

 

 _"What are you doing here at this hour?"_ Scott asked, carrying suitcases while walking towards the living room.

 _"I couldn't_ sleep. _"_ Liam replied.

 _"You can go sleep in the guest room now if you_ want. _"_ Scott said, implying that he would soon be leaving. Liam shrugged. His insomnia wasn't due to the room in which he slept, but to the date in which they were. It would be the first Christmas that he would celebrate without at least a member of his family. He couldn't help but feel like a stranger. "If you don't get away, you could roast," joked Scott, sitting next to Liam in front of the fireplace. Liam smiled, saddened. _"At least you smiled."_ It had been only two days since they had met and Scott could feel the abrupt change from one day to the next.

_"I'm sorry if I've been rude. It’s just Theo---"_

Scott shrugged, shrugging it off. He was accustomed. _"I get it. And I can’t blame Theo if he thinks that about me. I'd like to show him that I'm not what he thinks though."_

 _"It's not like you haven't given him any reasons."_ Liam let out a small laugh.

However, if Scott had ever shown any provocative attitude it wasn't because he wanted to upset his cousin. It was just his way of showing interest to someone he likes. _"He's really lucky to have you,"_ Scott whispered, with a slight feeling of jealousy. His hand came slowly to Liam's, which was resting on the carpet, to give him small caresses. Liam pulled his hand away, flushed. _"I'm happy to know he found a person like you."_

Liam sighed, feeling exactly the opposite. He was the lucky one to have a person like Theo. He had never imagined that he would meet someone so special. _"I'm lucky he's my friend."_

Scott stifled a small laugh, not believing that he was the only one who saw what was really happening between his cousin and Liam. _“Friends, huh…”_ the brunette’s gaze went to the door, hearing a horn at the distance. The taxi had arrived and It was time to leave. And although he didn't want to leave Liam, he was dying to see his mother. _"It was really nice to have met you,_ Liam. _"_ Scott whispered, stroking the younger boy's cheek. Liam nodded, smiling slightly. _"I hope it's not the last time we see each other."_

_"Me too."_

 

And after Scott left, Liam realized that he was alone again.

A headache was beginning to make him dizzy, and it was only a matter of minutes before he lay on the rug, curled up, to fell asleep.

At least in his dreams, sadness would leave his body. However, upon awakening, sadness would be replaced by another feeling. Confusion.

The next morning, the sonorous and slightly discreet laughter of his friend interrupted his sleep, waking him up almost immediately. Exalted, he took his gaze to the clock that hung in the centre of the guest room. How had he got there? He must have been really tired not to remember walking there at night.

 

Cleansing the sleep of his eyes with his fists, he went slowly down the stairs. Going towards the kitchen. Each step was one more sting due to his migraine.

 _"Good morning, darling."_ She heard Jessica smile as she prepared breakfast. Theo accompanied her, making waffles. Both were still in their pyjamas and looked happier than ever.

 _"Liam!"_ Theo greeted, approaching. Liam couldn't tell if his smile was because in a few hours it would be Christmas or because he had gotten rid of his cousin's presence. _"At last, you've wake up! We have so many things to do. Have you ever skated on ice? Because I was thinking we could totally go. Right?!"_ Liam laughed at the accelerated words of his friend, he barely and could understand a certain part. _"What do you say, mom? Are you coming with us? "_

Liam went around the kitchen, taking a piece of bread without anyone noticing. He was still trying to erase the smile on his face, but it was impossible. Somehow, all the happiness that his friend radiated was contagious. _"Sorry honey. I have work to do."_ Jessica lamented, apologizing. _"But I'm sure you and Liam will have fun."_ And Theo nodded, a little discouraged. He never managed to spend time with his mother and although it was something he should have been used to, it wasn't.

 

After breakfast, borrowing his mother's car, both headed for the gigantic shopping centre, near the park. Inside, there was a gigantic skating rink and terror suddenly flooded Liam, who was nervous of falling and making a fool of himself in front of the hundreds of people who skated as professionals in his own comparison.

 _"I think I've twisted my ankle or something."_ Liam lied, searching for an excuse not to skate. Theo laughed, taking his hand. Dragging him to the skating rink.

_"None of that, amigo. Walking!"_

 

And there was something about that sudden grip of hands. That simple touch that felt like an electric shock. It was momentary, but it was enough for Liam to fall lost in Theo's golden eyes. So, without even thinking clearly, he let himself be carried away. Without complaint.

And for half an hour, both skated on ice. Without the smile leaving their faces. Theo couldn't stop laughing every time his friend fell, and Liam, although in pain, just smiled because Theo did.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It had been just minutes after midnight and it was officially Christmas. Liam was awake, again. It seemed like not sleeping it would something he would get used to.

 

He was standing in front of the window, his eyes staring at the sky when suddenly he heard the door of the room open. _"Are you still awake?"_ Liam turned, looking away from the window. Theo was staring, still in pyjamas. His hair was slightly dishevelled and his eyes were swollen. _"You can't sleep either?"_

 _"It seemed like you were."_ He laughed making Theo roll his eyes. _"When my grandfather passed away, my father told me that that star was him,"_ he whispered, pointing to the farthest star in the sky. _"So, every time I felt sad, I went up to the roof and spoke to him... now I know it's just a star and not a person."_ Theo sighed, thinking that that was the cutest and saddest thing he had ever heard in his life. _"It's stupid, but even now I'm still looking at the sky. Wondering if any of those stars could my parents."_

Theo smiled, feeling the lump in his throat. His arm slowly encircled his friend's back. _"You were wrong,_ _Lee_. _"_ he whispered, making Liam frown. _"I'm not the shiniest star, you and your parents are."_

Liam laughed, trying to hide the tears that would come out in a matter of seconds. He didn’t want to cry, at least not in front of Theo. But it was too painful and he knew that at least that night a couple of tears would come out. _"I know I should wait until tomorrow, but I can't,"_ Theo said, pulling a small box out of his pants pocket. Liam looked at it with confusion. _"I found it on eBay."_ Liam's eyes suddenly became crystalline again as he saw that bracelet in front of him. _"I saw it in your painting, and I thought you’d like it."_

And even though Liam was dazzled, he couldn't accept it. Not when the knot in his throat intensified further. He knew that if he kept seeing that bracelet he would burst into tears.   _"Theo..."_ he whispered, walking away.

 _"Oh, you don't like it."_ Theo's voice suddenly snapped, feeling embarrassed.

Liam denied, sitting on the bed. That bracelet was identical to the one his mother had given him. That bracelet he had lost in the accident where he had also lost his parents. He never thought to see it again. _"My mother gave me an identical bracelet a few years ago."_ He confessed, then. _"I've never been interested in material stuff, however, it was the only memory I would have of her. But I lost it."_

Theo nodded, surprised. _"I'm sorry, I should have asked."_ He felt stupid. He knew how sensitive his friend was about his parents' death, and having done something like that made him wonder if he was just throwing salt at an open wound.

 

Seconds passed until Liam took the bracelet, analyzing every detail. From the small watercolour with the brush in the centre to the details in the chain. A tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't care anymore if he cried. _"Thank you, Theo."_ His lips formed into a sad nostalgic smile. That meant a lot to him. "I also have a gift for you." Theo raised an eyebrow, curious. He didn't expect Liam to give him a gift, and now curiosity consumed him. " _I painted it weeks ago. I wasn't sure to give it to you. I thought you wouldn't like it."_ He commented, walking towards the small bag in a corner of the room. Inside was a flat box wrapped in wrapping paper. _"I thought that after Brett's thing happened, I would never have the opportunity to give it to you, but I've still kept it."_

Theo looked at the box, carefully. His trembling hands broke the wrapper quickly and nervously, expectantly to what he could find. And the surprise was not minuscule because when he saw himself being portrayed in a small painting, he thought he could smile until his lips were cramped. It was amazing, every detail of the painting was. It was like looking in the mirror. _"Liam, this is..."_

 _"Ugly. I know. You don't like it, right? I really didn't know what colours use. And well, if I'm going to college, it's because I'm still learning--- "_   But Liam was interrupted at the moment Theo practically ran to hug him. Praying not to be pulled away.

Liam let out a loud sigh, clinging to his friend's arms, surprised and comforted. A tear threatened to come out. _"I'll put it in my room,"_ Theo whispered. _"So I'll have a reason to come home."_

 

They both smiled, exalted at the short distance between their faces. Both could feel each other's breathing and even though they tried not to break eye contact, both were distracted by their lips. Theo's breathing accelerated as he brought his face closer involuntarily. _"I think it's better if we try to sleep, you'll want to wake up early to open the other gifts,"_ Liam whispered, cutting off the tension. Theo nodded, distancing himself. His face was red as a tomato. _"Goodnight, Theo."_

 _"Goodnight, Liam."_ He smiled nervously, walking slowly toward the exit. However, in the frame of the door, he stopped. Turning _"I appreciate you, buddy… You know?"_ He whispered with a smile on his face. Liam nodded, trying not to look. _"Merry Christmas, Liam."_

 _"Merry Christmas,_ Theo. _"_ Liam repeated, watching his friend walk out the door. Leaning on his bed, he looked at the ceiling. His heart was beating fast for some strange reason. He raised his hand, looking at his bracelet in detail. He gave a small smile followed by a yawn. _"I appreciate you too.."_ he whispered to himself. Turning towards the wall and closing his eyes.


	8. Coincidence or Fate?

The lack of answers had already been enough. While Theo looked carefully at the clock, his mother was ready to leave to work. And once the woman was gone, Theo began to formulate plans to escape from that house. Although, he had to be careful since he knew that the housekeeper would inform his mother every move he’d make.  
He needed to be cautious.

His gaze was then directed from the window to the door, and from the door to his dead mobile phone. It was at that moment when he regretted not looking for information when his phone still had charge. And the main problem was that he didn’t have the money to buy a new charger either. What would he do, then? He needed answers or he would lose his mind.  
Although, he seemed to have already lost it when all he could think about was that boy named Liam and how strange he made him feel. It was as if the emptiness he felt had been filled for a moment, but after the exact moment Liam left, the emptiness was even more painful.  
He needed to discover who Liam was and how was he related to everything. He needed to see him one more time.

 

" _Here we go,_ " he told himself, opening the large window of his room. He tried to arm himself with courage to jump, the distance was not enough to cause much damage, but he knew he would feel some pain, especially when he hadn’t fully recovered from the accident yet.  
However, he knew that he had no other choice. He could hear the housekeeper walking outside, around of his room, and he knew there would be no way to escape the creepy woman without her calling his mother. So, after counting to three, he jumped.  
And as he fell, instantaneously, regret seized his body. A slight roar of pain came out of his mouth along with various insults. Trying to stand up again, he kept his eyes fixed on the ground when he spotted two feet in front of him. And looking up, he swallowed. Nervous. _"Theo?"_ His father called, confused.

  
_"Please, don’t tell mom."_ Then he begged scared, feeling like a little kid.

 

* * *

 

To Theo's surprise, his father seemed more than willing to keep the secret safe. Well, the last thing Jonathan wanted was to see Jessica again in a long time.  
Both were in a small bar on the outskirts of the city after the man invited his son to lunch. Surprised to hear Theo said yes.  
The doubt was present. How much would his son remember? Jessica had discussed little and nothing about Theo's mental health, and Jonathan knew that he wouldn’t get an answer if he even asked. So, how to approach the issue with Theo? How to measure his words and be cautious?

  
Theo played with the salad on his plate, not knowing what to talk about. He still had so many questions to solve. All the way, he had remained silent. And if he wanted answers, he had to start talking. But where to start? The discomfort he felt at the presence of his father was unsettling. It was hard to even look at his eyes. _"Would you buy me a charger for my phone? Please,"_ he whispered, timidly. Jonathan nodded, with a slight smile. He remembered the days when Theo was a kid. At that time, he would ask for toys instead.  
_"Of course,"_ he replied, taking a sip of his drink. _"May I ask… why were you running from your mother’s house?"_ He asked suddenly. Theo shrugged.  
Theo shrugged. _"She makes me feel in custody."_ He answered. And that wasn’t very far from reality since all his mother did was to control every step her son took. _"Do you know who Liam is?"_ He asked raising his voice a little. Jonathan settled back in his seat, nervously. _"Last night I heard him arguing with my mom, I couldn’t hear what it was about, but I just want to know who he is, every time I ask my mother, she changes the subject or ignores the question."_ After a long silence, Theo sighed, tired. He tried to sleep all night in vain. _"Dad..."_ he begged, desperate. _“Please, tell me who is he.”_  
The man played with his hands, trying to find the appropriate words to answer. Although Liam was not to his liking, he didn’t understand Jessica's desire to separate them.  
On the other hand, he didn’t know how to respond without receiving a negative response from his son. _"He's someone very special to you, son."_ He answered, then.  
Theo nodded, without surprise. That was not new, something inside him told him that. However, it was more than he had obtained by asking his mother. _"Do you know where I can find him?"_ But before the man could even answer, a throat clearing behind his back caught their attention. _"Mom…"_ Theo sighed. The woman denied, with crossed arms. Incredulous.

 

And in a matter of minutes, everything was just as Theo remembered his parents' meetings. Full of fights.  
They were now in the parking lot, while Jessica argued how uncaring and dangerous it was to take Theo to a bar, Jonathan counterattacked arguing that keeping him captive wasn’t better either.  
Theo, looked at the sky, recumbent on his mother’s car. He couldn’t bear to see his parents arguing, but he couldn’t bear how the people would look at them. He felt ashamed. Observed, and ironically invisible at the same time.  
It was unbelievable how his parents argued about him, in front of him, as if he wasn’t even there. He felt like a miserable toy between the dispute of two selfish children.

He knew then, that if he fled, no one would notice. At least not his parents. He didn’t even have to be careful and try not to call too much the attention when he turned around and left. His parents were more absorbed in the fight than in anything else.

 

His feet slowly began to pick up speed as Theo walked the great avenue. He didn’t know where to go, even if he knew by heart the city where he had grown in, it was disconcerting to notice the big changes in the city. And the fact that his father took him to the outskirts of the city, didn’t help much either. Like the fact that he really didn’t have anywhere to go. How would he even find Liam? How to be sure that he even lived in the giant San Francisco?  
Regardless of that, he kept walking. Until his feet hurt. Until his body begged him to stop.

 

It was barely minutes before sunset, and he regretted not having finished his salad. He was hungry, thirsty and tired. Not only mental but physical. He thought he was about to fall until he saw it. That little gallery of paintings. Those initials on the gold logo that hung on the poster.  
His heart accelerated immediately, not believing if it was a damn coincidence or fate. _"Liam!"_ He smiled, walking between wobbles. As he got closer his heartbeat inexplicably faster and faster. He thought it would give him a heart attack at any time. But upon entering the gallery that was about to close, upon entering and seeing Liam, his heart simply stopped. As if that boy transmitted an inexplicable calm. _"Liam."_ He called in a thin voice, forcing him to turn, surprised to hear the voice of his husband.  
Liam was forced to cling to the small desk behind him, believing he would faint at any moment. _"Theo?"_  
_"I’ve found you!"_ He smiled with great happiness.

 

* * *

 

  
_"Do you believe in coincidences?"_ Theo asked after Liam offered him a glass of water. Both were in front of one of Liam's most famous paintings. The silhouette of two interlocked hands.  
_"I believe in fate."_ Liam smiled, feeling the tranquillity, he hasn’t felt since the accident. Theo nodded. _"What are you doing here?"_  
_"Is he special?"_ He asked, confusing Liam. _"The person you hold your hand in the painting. One of the hands has the same tattoo as you."_  
Liam nodded, unsurprised by how detailed Theo was. _"He is."_  
Theo nodded, more relaxed. _“Are we friends?"_ he asked, turning around. His eyes were focused on Liam's. _"I keep feeling this strange connection between you and me. So, tell me, are we friends?"_  
_"Yes."_ He answered, biting his tongue to not say more than he should.

 

Little by little the pieces began to fit together. They were friends. That's why Theo felt that way about him. That explained the photo on his phone and the painting in his room. It was a friendly gift.  
However, it didn’t explain the discussion Liam had had with his mother, nor why the woman evaded the subject. Much less the strange feeling of discontent that he felt when he heard that they were just friends. He sensed there was something more. But simply, he nodded. Keeping silence. He didn’t want to harass Liam with questions, he had not felt at peace for a long time and didn’t want to ruin it.

 

 _"I'm scared."_ He confessed, suddenly. Liam raised an eyebrow, without breaking eye contact. _"I keep feeling like a stranger, and that terrifies me."_  
Liam reached out his hand, taking Theo's. Theo trembled, nervous. _"I know."_ He replied. _“Sorry, I don’t really know what to say, I'm not good with words."_  
_"You don’t have to say anything,"_ Theo whispered, turning back to the painting. _"I don’t think there's anything to say that can make me feel better."_  
Liam sighed, moving his hand away. _"You can count on me, Theo, I may not know how to help, but I would do anything to do it, I'm here if you want to talk."_ Theo smiled, realizing how wrong he was. Liam did know what to do to make him feel better. _"But, that doesn’t mean you should run away, if you need to talk, you can call me, but---“_  
Theo's gaze then turned towards the door, from which came the annoying clicking sound. His mother was standing in front of the entrance, looking worried and confused at the same time. Theo sighed, denying. Had Liam called his mother? _"Wow, for a moment I thought I could really trust you."_ He whispered, walking towards the exit. Passing by his mother. The woman barely smiled as she saw her son enter her car.  
Liam denied, walking to the woman. _"I'm not like you, Jessica."_ He explained, with a nostalgic smile. _"I'm not perfect, I'm not a good person either, but I try to do the best I can, and I know if I want to get Theo back, I won’t play dirty."_  
The woman rolled her eyes, feeling contempt for the false goodness her son-in-law intended to show. _"For me, it sounds like a cheap excuse."_ Liam denied. Although he didn’t know what to do the moment Theo appeared, at no time had he cowed. _"Thanks for the call, love."_  
_"This isn’t over yet, Jessica, don’t get me wrong,"_ Liam whispered, turning around.

Jessica laughed bitterly, walking towards the exit. While she thought he had won the battle, she knew that the war was still going on. On the other hand, Liam smiled with determination at the painting. His eyes went to the glass door, watching Theo look out the car window, sadly.  
That day there was no battle. It had been only an example of what cannot be escaped. The truth.  
Because even with Jessica's attempts, Theo had found a way to get to Liam. Whether coincidence or fate, it was granted, that this wouldn't be the first or last time they would find their way to each other.


	9. Bloodstream (Part I)

_"You're beautiful."_ The words tried to escape from the busy lips of the blonde, who kept his hands on the smaller waist of the younger boy. Liam smiled, feeling slight tickling when Brett's lips rose to his neck. His eyes remained closed, and his expression was one of pure pleasure and relaxation. He felt ecstatic.

The room was kept in total darkness, the agitated breaths and slight moans were the only things heard in the whole place. Liam thought he was about to faint if Brett kept kissing and touching his body like that.

However, the intimate moment was quickly interrupted when the light was made in the room due to the recently opened door. _"Oh, shit,"_ Liam and Theo said in unison when they saw each other's faces. Brett stifled a laugh of embarrassment, dressing quickly. Liam was grateful he wasn’t completely naked.

 

 _"I thought you were in the library,"_ Liam whispered, placing the sheets on the floor back on his bed. Theo still kept his hands on his face, totally flushed.

 _"That was two hours ago."_ He explained, turning slowly. His expression of annoyance made Brett nod, kissing goodbye Liam to leave the room. _"Couldn’t you do your dirty stuff in his own room?"_ Theo asked, walking towards his bed. Almost stuck to the wall. He tried as hard as possible not to step on the ground where his friend had been wallowing with Brett a few minutes ago.

 _"I'm sorry,"_ Liam said, putting on his shirt again. Theo didn’t hesitate to analyze every inch of his friend's abdomen, without even knowing why it called his attention so much. _"I didn’t think you would come back so soon."_

 _"Well, I did."_ Theo couldn’t understand if he resented the fact that Liam was with Brett, whom he hated after he promised he wouldn’t. Or that Liam hadn’t respected their room they shared, taking his lover there. _"I thought he wasn’t your type. You lied."_

 _"I thought you said you wouldn’t go back to Malia, and still look at you,"_ Liam replied, tired. Why Theo had to do such a drama for everything? They couldn’t spend a day without arguing for a stupid minimal thing. If it was about lies, Theo could demand the title of Liar King. _"Can we at least not discuss today? In case you haven’t noticed, you interrupted something that left me really frustrated. Do not throw more fuel on the fire."_ And with remarkable frustration, Liam left the room. Without even wearing shoes.

Theo tried to reply, but the inexplicable behaviour of his friend had simply surprised him, leaving him speechless. So, with equal frustration, he threw himself into his bed, praying that Brett had not been in it.

 

He was still trying to understand what Liam saw in him. Brett was pretentious, boring and his face made him nauseous. Liam could definitely aspire to something better. He was funny, kind, smart, really charming and he would even say somehow really good looking. Even if he had never considered attractive another male person who was not himself every time he looked in the mirror.

 

Then, suddenly, he remembered it. Every moment since he had entered the room, which seemed to have happened in slow motion.

Certainly, that had aroused somewhat confused feelings. The soft moans Liam emitted were somehow pleasurable. Seeing his whitish skin be marked by Brett's lips was disgusting. But still, with the mere fact of seeing the skin of his friend, everything changed. He was curious. He has seen his friend shirtless before, but he never wanted to touch that skin and see if it was as soft as it looked as much as he did now.

But it was just curiosity. And that feeling of anger was just friendly jealousy. He refused to accept that the fact that his friend put his attention on someone else was more frustrating than it should be.

Like it happened with Scott, he was only afraid of losing his friend. Would it happen to every boy that Liam would date?

 

For long minutes, he tried to convince himself that it was just stupid. He tried to forget what happened and move on, but it wasn’t that easy. All he could think about was Liam. And certainly, it was disturbing.

It was disturbing the way he thought about him.

Remembering half-naked Liam only made the room feel more and more suffocating. It was still winter, but it felt like he was in hell itself. So, he left. He left the room when his thoughts were already too unbearable. He needed some air. He needed to stop thinking about his friend.

 

 

 

* * *

 

  

 _"Stop frowning. Your forehead looks like a Wi-Fi signal.”_ Lydia Martin teased walking towards Theo, who kept his eyes on the snow that was gradually becoming scarce. Theo turned around, surprised. _"You look thoughtful. What are you thinking about? I hope it's the audition. We need to slay, Raeken.”_

Theo's dream, and perhaps almost every music student’s, was to be accepted into the Chicago State Symphony. Few succeeded. Few even tried it. However, Theo wouldn’t give up so easily. Even if the audition was closer than he had realized. Even if with all the pressures of final tests, holidays and the whole Liam thing he had kept it distracted enough to consider everything again. _"I haven’t prepared anything, yet."_ He confessed, honestly. And at such a surprise, Lydia let out a long weary sigh. She wasn’t too excited to team up with Theo either, but he was the only person with enough talent she trusted. But if Theo couldn’t play his part, both would fail horribly. And Lydia couldn’t let that happen.

 _"Well, if you don’t move your ass, I'll tear it off with a chainsaw."_ The redhaired exclaimed, turning to walk away in another direction. Theo nodded, thinking how hard it would be to stop thinking about Liam and concentrate.

 

 

* * *

 

 

His fingers slid down the piano keys. He had tried to compose with Lydia for days, without even achieving something sufficiently convincing for both. For what he had tried, to rehearse in total solitude.

However, no pleasant sound came from the piano. His head was beginning to ache when he thought the audition was only a week away, and he wasn’t even sure what they would do.

 _"Sounds awful."_ Kira laughed, walking in the room. Theo turned around, smiling. _"No offence!"_ She quickly added.

 _"I was already leaving,"_ he whispered, seeing the Asian carrying the heavy cello. Kira denied, stopping him with one hand. The girl continued to sit, close to him, with an equal expression of discouragement. _"Is everything alright?"_

 _"I'm going to audition."_  She sighed, sadly. _"I'm not convinced of my composition, I'm not sure what I'll even do.”_ Theo nodded, fully understanding what Kira felt. For a moment, he had thought about what Liam had mentioned. The dynasty thing. But just thinking about something related to Liam, made the dizziness come back. _"Would you mind improvising a bit?"_ She asked, almost praying. Theo nodded, with a slight smile. Doing something different to vary wouldn’t be wrong.

 

When the instruments began to sound, it took some time for a pleasurable union to form. In parts, it sounded like two totally different songs playing at the same time. However, in some moments both were surprised at how well they could connect. What Theo wanted most was to be able to team up with Kira, but they couldn’t change reality.

 

The distraction, however, was still present. Theo admitted that he wasn’t completely present at that moment because his mind was full of thoughts that transported him to another world. Then, he did it. His eyes got closed, and that feeling that had been knocking on his door was finally invited in. It took time, for Theo to notice that it was only he who was playing now. So, lowering the rhythm of the song, he opened his eyes, looking for Kira with his eyes.

The girl looked absorbed. Without blinking. _"That was... Wow,"_ she commented, stunned. Theo blinked rapidly, unsure of what had happened. _"Theo, that was truly beautiful."_ She recognized, remembering the melody Theo had just played. _"Where did that come from? Can you do that again?"_ But Theo denied. Because even he didn’t know what he had done, how and why. Because all he thought about was Liam, and he was too focused on his thoughts to notice something else. _"What were you thinking? What did you feel?”_ Kira asked, smiling. Without erasing the expression of amazement.

Theo sighed, tilting his head. _"I don’t know."_ However, the confusion began to clarify little by little.

 

That night, Theo had not been able to sleep. Liam never returned to the room, and despite getting an idea of where he might be, he was no less worried.

It was painful to know that after all, the distance gap between them had reopened. But he really didn’t know what to do. He knew that in a certain part, it was his fault. If he was more open about Liam's relationship with Brett, none of this would be happening, but it was impossible for Theo to hide his feelings. Even if without noticing it, he did. To himself.

Maybe, then, it was time to stop lying to himself. To stop being only honest with Liam, but also with himself.

 

As the days passed, none seemed willing to talk about anything other than the subject they had in common. Theo was busy with his audition, while Liam was looking for a way to talk to Theo again without arguing.

Why couldn’t Theo be happy for him? Liam endured every story about his friend's affairs without protest, but Theo couldn’t seem to be able to feel happy for someone other than himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When the night of the audition arrived, Theo had been the first to arrive at the theatre, followed by Lydia. The girl looked absolutely beautiful, making Theo wonder, for the first time, if he was at her level.

Both rehearsed at the backstage, while Theo begged not to fail even in the rehearsal, knowing that Lydia would kill him. He really shouldn’t fail at any time. There would be no other chance, and if he screwed up, it would not only ruin his chance, it would also ruin Lydia's.  _"Control your nerves, or I'll make you swallow them,"_ Lydia ordered, seeing Theo sweating. The boy nodded, seeing the first people go to the stage. The audition was about to begin.

 _"Calm down, everything will be okay."_ He whispered, watching Lydia inspect every inch of her viola, looking for some flaw. _"Everything will be okay."_ Although he didn’t know if he was trying to calm his partner, or simply convince himself.

 

As the show progressed, his turn was close to begin. His hands were sweating more than ever and nerves were taking over once again. He thought he would faint.

He peeked behind the curtains of the stage, the number of people who were present and he felt even more overwhelmed, if that was even possible. "Hello!" He heard then, behind his back. When he turned around, his heart seemed to turn over. _"You left the room so fast, I couldn’t even wish you luck."_ Liam smiled, knowing Theo didn’t even need luck.

 _"You were too busy with that asshole, I didn’t want to bother you."_ He whispered, in response. Unable to avoid behaving like an idiot.

Liam sighed, looking in another direction. He didn’t want to fight again, he wouldn’t fight again. No matter what he did, Theo wouldn’t change, and despite wanting to know the reason for his attitude, it wasn’t the right time for another discussion _. "I don’t even know why I'm trying."_ He confessed, turning around.

 _"Then go."_ He ordered, wishing Liam wouldn’t listen. However, he did. Because even though Liam didn’t want to obey either, he had no other choice.

 _"I wish you could give me an explanation of why you behave this way."_ He whispered, walking away. _"But I think not even you have an explanation."_ And in a matter of seconds, Theo was alone again. Accompanied by confused feelings.

 

His gaze went back to the stage, watching the two girls finish their song. That, inevitably meant it was their turn. And turning to see Lydia, who was walking towards the centre of the stage, his feet followed the redhaired instinctively.

The welcome applause didn’t wait, surprising Theo to see so many people. It seemed that second after second the crowd multiplied.

Surrounding the piano, he took a seat. Reading the small scorebook in front of him. He slightly stretched his pulled out, facing the audience. Praying with sulfur, find Liam. Praying that his friend had stayed, for him. And with a huge smile, he saw him. He understood then, that Liam would never leave him, even if Theo ordered it.

Liam smiled back, feeling a little more relaxed. He couldn’t expect anything else from his friend, especially on that special day.

 

Theo turned his gaze to the scores, waiting for Lydia to finish her solo, so he would start his.

And after seconds that seemed like hours, his mind suddenly became cloudy. And as one of the many times, panic seized his being. His hands trembled, lifted. His eyes filled with tears of frustration at not being able to understand why this was happening. _"What are you waiting for?"_ Almost cried Lydia, embarrassed. Theo knew that Lydia wasn’t the only one who noticed his panic attack.

His face slowly turned towards the audience, embarrassed to see the expressions of confusion. However, seeing Liam's hopeful smile, nerves began to calm down. And everything began to clarify.

 

Liam was there. After all, he was there. As he never left his mind, he would never leave his heart. Liam had gotten into his bloodstream.

 

With a slight nod, Theo's fingers slid down the keyboard of the piano. Feeling how his fingers did everything his lips could never do. Letting his fingers transmit everything his heart begged to shout from the rooftops.

His eyes closed again, letting what had happened before, happen again. Opening the door to his heart and throwing away the key. He couldn’t resist it anymore, it didn’t make sense anymore.

If Liam was looking for an explanation, Theo begged for his song to be more than enough, because, for him, it was. Because finally, everything made sense to him.

 

After minutes, the music finally ceased. And the applause echoed throughout the theatre, awakening Theo from his trance. He smiled, relieved. At least they were applause and not boos.

Cleaning small drops of sweat, he left the stage after the bow, followed by Lydia, who was still surprised by the abrupt change. And from her expression, it was clear that she wasn’t happy at all. "You could at least have informed me that you would change the song!" He exclaimed, saving her viola in anger. Theo sighed, it wasn’t something he had planned. _"If you think we're saved thanks to you..."_  She reported, walking in another direction. Theo scratched the back of his neck, not knowing how to react. People seemed to have liked it, but the final decision wasn’t people’s to make.

 


	10. The Right Thing to Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I really want to apologize for this chapter. I feel this is more likely a filler chapter, to be honest. But I promise the next one will be (in my opinion) more interesting and it's coming really soon.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. Have a nice day! x

**_How had everything really happened? It could be said that everything started on the same day Liam had received the letter of acceptance from the Art University of Chicago. Everything had changed since then. Suddenly, in his life, hope appeared. However, he had never imagined that he would recover that ephemeral feeling of happiness which he had lost after the accident where he had lost his parents too. And it was all because of Theo Raeken, the cause of his smiles. The one who had caused his life to light up again._ **

****

**_"I thought that before going back, you would want to try my speciality." Theo had smiled, raising the cup of hot chocolate through the air. It was the day after New Year and in just two days they would return to Chicago._ **

**_Liam was leaning over the balcony of Theo's room, admiring the quiet neighbourhood. "It smells delicious." He smiled then, taking the cup. Thankful for feeling warmth in his hands again. "Thanks." He whispered after two short sips. "Not only for the chocolate but for everything. For making me feel... family. "_ **

**_Theo nodded, standing next to Liam. Both directed their eyes to the front, feeling the cold air hit their faces. "Thank you, for giving me the opportunity to show you that you are not alone."_ **

**_A smile escaped Liam’s lips, who, without turning to see, nodded. "You're not alone, either, Theo. Whatever happens, I will always be by your side. "_ **

****

**_And as if that weren’t enough, that confession was the one that had awakened that feeling that didn’t even bothered to pretend to be asleep. That confession that made both realize how strong their relationship was, which was no longer a simple friendship. But if Theo didn’t consider Liam as just a friend, nor as a brother... in that middle point, what did it mean then? What did the young man mean to him?_ **

****

**_Both believed then that the distance they would impose would be the best, at least to clarify their confused feelings._ **

**_On the one hand, Theo still couldn’t accept what he knew deep down inside. That affection he felt for the young boy was special. It had a special meaning, but he simply couldn’t accept it. Not until he could finally be honest with himself until he reconsidered everything he thought he knew until that moment._ **

**_For Liam, on the other hand, that was conflicting. While he wasn’t very aware of Theo's feelings, he was of his. And that was the problem. In a matter of days, he had discovered aspects of his life that he had never even considered. Everything was sudden._ **

****

**_"I think there is a problem." Liam was confused to notice that Theo wouldn’t sit next to him during the flight. And it was because Theo had explicitly chosen the seats._ **

**_"Don’t worry, it'll be a short flight." Then Theo feigned nonchalance. "Anyway, we'll see each other all year, a break from our faces won’t hurt us."  He joked, walking away to his respective seat. And while he had felt some relief, throughout the flight the guilty feeling was haunting him. And so it was during the next weeks._ **

****

**_The distance gap between them grew more and more. They barely spoke, and if they did, it would most likely end in some fight. If maybe they decided to avoid it, their plan would work, but nevertheless, it didn’t._ **

**_Even if Liam had agreed to go out on a date with Brett, that led to other dates, to then start a relationship. Even if Theo had decided to devote his time and dedication to mere things about his musical career. None seemed to be able to get rid of their feelings so easily._ **

****

**_It was then, that a simple but conflicting question got in their way. What would be the right thing to do?_ **

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Repentance consumed Liam. Millions of doubts were going through his mind while recapitulating what happened days ago. Had he done the right thing? Because if so, it didn’t feel that way. What else could he have done? Of course, he could have done what he wanted to, but would it have been right? How would Theo have reacted? Undoubtedly, it was something he didn’t know, and the opportunity to discover it was gone.

 

 _"If you don’t eat, I'll have to feed you intravenously."_ Kira joked, finishing closing the gallery. It was almost midnight.

 _"I don’t have appetite_." However, Liam denied _. "Thanks for helping me, I don’t know how I would handle this without you."_ He thanked with irony. The low demand in the business had reached the worrying point. Liam thought it was just a bad streak, but that it lasted more than two months was no coincidence.

Kira laughed, leaning over the door that connected the gallery with the stairs that led to the loft on the first floor, where Liam and Theo lived. _"Have you heard from Jefferson?"_ Then she asked, referring to Theo's boss. Liam denied, after a long sigh.

_"He has offered me a compensation check, but it's up to Theo to accept it, and in his condition--- I just don’t know."_

 

It was ironic that, despite having planned a future, they ended up dedicating themselves to something totally different. On the one hand, while Liam loved to paint, doing it by a commission in a pathetic art gallery was what he least wanted. On the other hand, for Theo to end up as a secretary in one of the oil companies was just as pathetic as working for his father. But was there another option? The taxes wouldn’t get paid alone, and with the economy of the country, they couldn’t decline a proposal that promised to bring bread to the table.

 

 _"You know if you need money---"_ Kira started, again. Liam denied, looking toward the tomato salad on the desk. Although he had no appetite, he had to admit that it looked delicious.

 _"I still have my savings."_ Liam smiled, taking the salad Tupperware. _"Do you want to stay tonight?"_ Kira nodded, opening the door behind her. _"I really don’t know what I would do without you."_

The girl smiled in reply mode, turning off the lights of the gallery once they were about to go up to the loft, which, luckily, looked cleaner than before. Kira, like his friend, wondered how much longer it would be before Theo could return there because although weeks had passed, the absence was devastating. As much as for Liam, as for the economic situation of both _. "I think you should talk to him."_ She counselled, surprising Liam. Both were sheltered on the couch, in front of the TV. The smell of recently cooked popcorn flooded the room _. "I mean, try to create a relationship with him. Little by little, you haven’ made any progress yet. "_

 _"Yes, I did. Now he hates me!"_ Liam joked, drinking wine straight from the bottle _. "But you're right, I guess. These days I've been thinking about what to do. Honestly, I've told Jessica I wouldn’t give up and I think I've been giving her the wrong impression.”_ Kira nodded, lowering the volume to the television. Settling back in her seat, she looked directly into Liam's eyes. A complicit smile formed on both faces, as both began to plan Liam's next movements. The first thing would be to gain Theo's confidence again, and that's why he had to talk to him. See him.

That's how it was, during the whole night in which they had barely even been able to sleep. Liam's plan was about to begin, and he was sure that this time he would do the right thing.


	11. Because I Love You

Nothing would be the same anymore. Even if Theo had managed to calm a large part of his nerves due to audition, there was something else that he still had to deal with. His feelings for Liam.

There was no doubt, even if the situation wasn’t clear yet. He believed that continue hiding what he felt, as rare and unexpected was, wouldn’t make sense. He liked the young boy, and maybe in a way he shouldn’t, but still, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help but feel what he felt.

And even if, by some strange coincidence, his feelings were reciprocated or not, he knew he had to make a decision as soon as possible because the mere act of forbidding self-happiness was something he couldn’t allow to happen, just as he couldn’t let Liam go.

He had to take risks, but how? When? What would be the appropriate way?

 

Minutes after his audition with Lydia ended, Theo had been responsible for dodging each greeting or congratulations of the other participants, with respect and kindness. The only thing he could think about was Liam. Where had he gone? He remembered very well not have seen him during the ovation, had he left? When? Had Liam even assisted or was it just a dirty trick of his mind?

He wouldn’t know if he and Lydia passed the audition in several days, so the pressure of the doubt was still present, but not as much as before because there was nothing else to do but wait. However, and even if his future didn’t depend on what Liam thought, he needed to know what he thought about it. Would he have liked it? His eyes analyzed every part of the theatre, in his search. He didn’t have his phone with him, so he couldn’t call him, so his feet and eyes were the only help at the moment.

 

Moments later, when he had almost given up, he saw him. From the second floor, through the large glass window that looked directly towards the parking lot.

There he was, Liam, with his phone taped to his ear. On a call, Theo supposed. _"There you are."_ He smiled, moving quickly to the parking lot, praying that his friend hadn’t left on his way. However, once there, his smile faded. _"What's wrong?!"_ He asked with concern. Liam barely cleaned the tears from his eyes, trying to hide in vain that nothing was happening. _"Liam?"_ He called, getting closer. Gently he took him by the shoulders, forcing him to look directly into his face. _"What happened?"_

 _"It was my cousin."_ He explained pointing to his phone. _"My grandmother is in the hospital, apparently she forgot to take her meds, so she has had a relapse."_ Theo nodded, understanding the situation. Although by the more relaxed tone in which Liam had explained, he understood that the woman was apparently fine, he felt Liam’s voice would break at any moment. _"She's fine, they've been able to stabilize her, but Theo—"_ he whispered, staring at the ground. The sound of the light wind was the only thing that could be heard. _"For a moment I thought— I had never been so terrified in my life."_

After long seconds of thinking, Theo simply decided to take Liam by the arms, pulling him towards his body. Hugging him, tightly. Liam buried his face in his friend's chest, letting the tears come out. _"I know, Lee."_ And he really did. As someone who had grown up with a strange absence of love, he understood what the terror of losing a loved one. Because it was exactly, just as he felt with Liam.

_"They're still out of town, I wish I could go. I really need to see her, but—"_

_"Don’t worry, we'll say it's a family emergency. They should understand,"_ he whispered, pushing Liam away to look him straight in the eye. His thumb stroked his cheek, wiping away a tear. _"Do you want to go pack? We'll take the first flight."_ He reported as if the fact of spending money was the least concern of all.

 _"We?"_ He asked, then. Surprised. Theo nodded, blushing. He never considered if his company would be well accepted, but he never cared, anyway. Because he knew that Liam was going through a hard time and he wouldn’t leave him alone. He just wouldn’t. _"You don’t have to come with me, Theo."_

 _"Yes, I have to."_ He smiled, trying to disregard it. Liam sighed, nodding after a few seconds. Feeling a little calmer _"Would you wait for a moment? I'll go for my stuff and I'll be back."_ Liam nodded again, leaning back on the nearest light pole, watching Theo walk away quickly.

 

A long sigh escaped his lips. What Theo did, was simply incredible. He just wanted to cry. He didn’t deserve him, he wasn’t worthy.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _"Are you okay?"_ Theo asked, in a soft tone. Liam kept his head resting on his shoulder. _"We'll be there soon."_

 _"Yes."_ He replied, tiredness in his voice. The flight had been short, so he hadn’t even been able to sleep. Although it didn’t mean that, if he could, he would have done it. He was too busy on his phone, waiting for some call or message to allow himself the luxury of wasting his time sleeping. He would have time for it later. _"Thank you."_ He thanked for the thousandth time, once they had gotten off the taxi. Both were in front of the large hospital door, seeing the multiple ambulances at the entrance. His body gave slight tremors of nervousness. Just imagining his grandmother in one of those ambulances made the panic return. Theo denied, taking his hand to give him slight caresses of tranquillity. In a different moment, he wouldn’t have done such a thing, but he didn’t have any other ideas.

 _"Easy. I am here. With you. Okay?"_ Liam nodded, flushed from the grip of their hands.

 

Slowly both began to walk towards the hospital, passing first by the reception, in search of information and then to the intensive care room. In the waiting room, his cousin's wife was sitting on one of the benches, with one of her children reclining on her legs. _"Liam!"_ The woman sighed, with surprise. _"What are you doing here? I thought you were in Chicago."_

 _"I was, but after Marco's call— Is she okay? Why is she still in intensive care? Where is Marco?”_ And thousands of other questions came from the confused and scared young boy's lips. The woman responded calmly, explaining that although Liam's grandmother was better, they still needed to keep her under observation. _"When will Marco return?"_

 _"He’ll be back soon, he has taken Tiffany with his aunt. Thomas wanted to stay."_ The woman explained, referring to her children. _"Don’t worry, Liam. Everything is fine, okay? Miranda will be happy to see you."_ Liam smiled when he heard his grandmother's name. Theo also imitated the action, from a corner. He felt a little uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t say anything. _"By the way, my name is Karen. And who are you?"_ The woman asked, with natural curiosity. Theo smiled, kindly.

 _"Nice to meet you, I'm Theo. Liam's friend."_ Karen nodded, with equal kindness, turning back to Liam, to continue the conversation about familiar topics.

Theo, at times, simply looked at the other people in the room, wondering what brought them there, creating stories in his mind for each person. His imagination was sometimes very helpful. His eyes began to close, inevitably. The yawns didn’t take long to appear. Until that moment, he had never thought about how hard he had worked to concentrate on auditioning and even more about avoiding Liam. And that had been completely in vain. A smile of disbelief tried to hide, to realize how silly they could be sometimes. _"Do you think I could see her?"_ Liam asked Karen, who shrugged in response mode. It definitely didn’t dependent on her.

 _"Is there any chance that my friend can see the patient?"_ Theo suddenly asked, standing up. Liam and Karen turned to see the young man talking to a nurse, with an expression of total seriousness. _"It’s his grandma and it would really mean a lot to him. We have travelled miles… if you want I can show you the plane tickets."_ He almost prayed to the woman, with his characteristic puppy eyes. The nurse couldn’t simply refuse, even knowing that she was risking her job. " _Please? It will only be a moment, I promise."_

The nurse then turned to Liam. Pointing his head towards the door, after verifying that no other colleague was nearby. Liam nodded, standing up quickly. A huge smile appeared on his face, as he entered the room with little jumps of excitement. Theo laughed, thanking the woman who walked away denying, not believing that she had been convinced by a simple kid. _"You're very sweet."_ Karen smiled, stroking the hair of her son who was still sleeping peacefully on his mother's legs. _"Liam is very lucky to have you in his life. He really needed someone like you. "_

Theo simply smiled, nodding. With remarkable shame. _"I’m the lucky one."_

 

After several minutes, Liam went out to the waiting room. With eyes full of tears. Theo couldn’t tell if they were of sadness or relief. Although he wouldn’t ask either, he would simply force himself to remain silent until it was Liam who spoke. He didn’t want to be inconvenient.  _"She's still asleep,"_ Liam commented, taking a seat. A hand slipped into his hair, combing it back. _"The tranquillity in her face… it broke my heart."_ He sobbed silently. Karen sighed. Even though she was grateful to see her husband's cousin there, the state he was in was deplorable.

 _"You should try to sleep, at least a little."_ She advised. _"It'll be good for you."_

 _"No, I do not want to sleep."_ But when he turned to Theo, he had completely changed his mind. His friend struggled to stay awake in vain. _"Oh shoot! I'm sorry."_ He apologized, in a sobbing tone, with remarkable guilt. _"It's not fair that you're here, without sleeping. I'm selfish."_ Theo, however, denied. He was indeed tired, but he didn’t want Liam to feel bad.

 _"Why don’t you go to a hotel?"_ The woman suggested, then, knowing that Liam would refuse to sleep at Marco's house. Theo looked at Liam, grateful that Karen said that. The very idea of sleeping in a comfortable bed was too tempting. _"Don’t worry, I'll take care of the expenses."_

 _"It’s okay,"_ Theo whispered, implying that it wasn’t necessary. Liam sighed, who wasn’t still sure if he wanted to leave the hospital, although his eyes also began to close as well. _"Liam, we can return as soon as we wake up. Besides, you've already heard her,"_ he whispered, referring to Liam’s cousin's wife. _"Your grandma is fine."_

Liam then nodded, surrendering. It wasn’t worth fighting against something he basically wanted more than anything. He needed some sleep. He didn’t want to worry her grandmother once she woke up with his look. _"Fine."_ He nodded. _"Do you promise to call me if something happens?"_ And Karen nodded, with a smile.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When they left by the back door of the hospital, both began to look for some available taxi. While Theo, at times looked for hotels in the directory of his phone, Liam was still thinking about his grandmother. Minutes later, both were in front of a large luxury hotel. Liam was devastated by the simple fact of imagining how expensive it would cost. He had to find a job as soon as possible, since his debts were accumulating and not even selling his organs he could pay them.

 _"Stay here, I'll go get us a room,"_ Theo ordered, heading toward the reception desk. Liam nodded, taking a seat on the large sofa facing the entrance. As he inspected the place with his gaze, he was more and more surprised at how luxurious it was. How much would it cost? One night probably cost more than his old house did. _"Well, we have room 345th,"_ Theo informed, approaching again. Liam continued to stand, following his friend to the elevator.

 

And as they entered the room, Liam gulped. It was even bigger and more luxurious than he would have imagined. There were two large beds in the centre of the room, surrounded by two giant-sized windows. There was another door in a corner, which he supposed it was the bathroom. He really didn’t know how he would pay Theo every good deed. What worried him the most was the fact that Theo downplayed everything as if he really didn’t care how much money he spent or what he had to do. Could a person really be that good?

 

 _"I will take off my shoes. I don’t want to imagine what it would cost me if I stained the carpet."_ Liam teased, making Theo laugh. Both went to their respective beds, after leaving their bags in a corner. In a matter of seconds, both were lying down. _"I can’t sleep,"_ he whispered then, after long minutes of meditation. Sunlight was beginning to show through the large window of the room. They didn’t have the energy to get up and close the curtain at all.

 _"Me neither,"_ Theo whispered, in frustration. Moments ago, both were completely exhausted and now none could fall asleep. It was ridiculous.

 

Liam then turned around, looking towards Theo's bed. Theo mimicked the action, smiling slightly. None seemed to want to break eye contact.

 _"You've been amazing,"_ Liam whispered, suddenly. _"In your audition. With everything that has happened, I forgot to mention it. You're really amazing."_ Theo was silent, unable to stop smiling like a fool. His cheeks burned because of how blush he was. The glances persisted for long seconds. None seemed to be uncomfortable with the fact that neither one of them looked away from the other, as if that, on the contrary, gave them a certain tranquillity. After several minutes, Liam was sliding the sheet away from his body. With total slowness and insecurity. The cold froze his pale skin. Theo swallowed, just as nervous. _"It's not the first time I have sleep problems,"_ he confessed, sitting on his bed while playing with his hands. For the first time, they had broken eye contact. _"All these nights, I try to sleep. But it is in vain. My mind forces me to stay awake, lost in my thoughts."_

Theo nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Slowly he slid out of his bed, sitting in the same position. _"I can’t stop thinking either, and it gets harder"_ he whispered, placing both of his hands on the bed, getting up. His skin bristled upon contact with the ambient. "I did it for you," he confessed, suddenly. His feet slid to Liam's bed, sitting next to him. Liam couldn’t look up. His body trembled with cold and nervousness. _"The song… I did it because of you. It is for you."_

 _"Why?"_ He asked, still, avoiding the look. Theo shrugged, looking down at the floor, too.

 _"Because I love you, I guess."_ Silence reigned in the room. Suddenly, no one knew what else to say. Both kept their eyes on the ground, playing with their respective hands. Theo's heart was beating fast, at the same time that his pyjamas were starting to feel tight. Liam finally turned to Theo. Raising his right hand, to caress the cold and naked back of his friend. Theo moved quickly away from the contact, due to the surprise. Liam pulled his hand away, embarrassed. However, Theo, seeing the confusion in Liam's eyes, took his hands, caressing them. Liam raised an eyebrow, not understanding what was really happening. _"Everything I do is because I love you."_ He confessed, without hesitation. Liam nodded, blushing. The distance between them was getting smaller. Liam approached slowly, to rest his head on Theo's shoulder.

 _"I love you too."_ And they both remained silent, in the same position. Watching the sunrise through one of the windows. Maybe silence was the best. They didn’t think there was anything more to say, the feeling of tranquillity that both felt to be together was more than enough.

 

Slowly and without realizing it, both were laying down. With his eyes fixed on the ceiling. His hands were intertwined. Both felt distressed. None made any effort to change position, or do or say anything else. Apparently, it wasn’t necessary. Both were comfortable.

Their eyes began to close as time progressed, allowing them to get embraced by the feeling of tiredness, which had finally appeared again. In a matter of minutes, both were completely asleep.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Theo opened his eyes, confusion became present. He was completely alone. The room seemed to be colder than it already was before. When he saw the clock hanging on the wall, he saw that it was barely 10 am, so he had slept for at least four hours. Without even leaving a note or message, Liam had left the room completely. On the one hand he tried to convince himself that he had only gone to the hospital, as he said he would, but on the other hand, he wondered if the fact that he left without saying goodbye was due to what had happened hours ago.

Placing the pillow over his face, he screamed. Feeling frustrated. The least he wanted was for things to change between them.

 

Meanwhile, it was inevitable for Liam that things would change. His heart beat with fury every time he remembered what happened. As both had practically confessed what they felt, and although those words that had come from Theo's lips were those that had wanted to hear the most, he couldn’t help feeling... incredulous. As if everything was too good to be real.

 _"You're awake."_ He smiled with notorious happiness. Her grandmother remained in the same position in which she had slept, only this time she had her eyes open.

 _"Darling!"_ Smiled the woman, trying to recompose the position, however, the pain in her waist made it difficult. Liam hastened to stop her, moving closer so that the woman made no effort. _"What are you doing here? You should be in Chicago. "_

 _"Marco told me you haven't been taking your medicine lately,"_ he whispered, worried. The woman rolled her eyes, snorting. Liam laughed. _"Why, grandma?"_

 _"They make me feel worse. I thought if I stopped taking them often I would feel better."_ She confessed, feeling stupid. She had ended up in a hospital, worrying her family, for her irresponsibility. _"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't want to worry you."_ She quickly apologized, with tremendous guilt. Liam denied, laying his head on the woman's abdomen.

 _"I love you, grandma."_ He sobbed, unable to help himself. _"Please, you have to take more care of yourself. You're the only family I have.”_ The woman wiped a tear before it even rolled down her cheek, feeling worse than she already felt. Liam understood that this only made his grandmother feel another burden, but he simply couldn't lose someone else. He couldn’t handle it. Even if he had to be selfish.

 

As the minutes passed, the emotional environment had changed to a more relaxed one. While the woman was asking questions, Liam answered openly. Miranda smiled proudly, hearing the happiness with which her grandson told each event in his student life. Hearing that he had found his way was something that made her feel enormous happiness. However, and to Liam's displeasure, the theme of love soon appeared, as Miranda seemed to have noticed the small bite mark on her grandson's neck. And yet, far from being scandalized, she kept joking about it. _"And what's your girlfriend's name?"_

Liam sighed, embarrassed. _"His name is Brett..."_ The woman quickly erased the smile off her face, trying to understand the situation. Seconds later, she smiled again, as nothing happened. If her grandson was happy, she was happy too. _"Are you okay with me being—?"_

 _"Honey, there's nothing I want more in the world than your happiness."_ The woman smiled. _"Do you love him?"_ And to the woman's surprise, Liam denied. Because even though he had some appreciation for him, he didn’t love him. _"However, in your eyes I see something... Does your heart belong to someone else, then, my darling?"_

 _"I think so,"_ he mumbled, looking away.

The woman sighed. _"Then, you should do something about it. I don’t think it's fair that neither Brett nor you suffer.”_

 

Liam then nodded. Understanding that his grandmother, in fact, was right. The day continued until night, again. The visiting hours had ended, and Liam returned to the hotel. Feeling guilty for not having said goodbye to Theo, although he needed to clear his mind up. To think about what happened. Because even though he loved Theo like he had no idea, he knew that the right thing to do would be to stop things before they got bigger.

On his way from the reception to the room, he was looking for a way to approach the subject, wondering what the appropriate words would be if there were even any.

 

The familiar sound of shower rain was the first thing he heard when he entered the room. Surprising that Theo was even awake at that time of night. The bathroom door was half open and Liam's curiosity began to grow more and more like the tingling in his stomach. He quickly got rid of the mental image, walking towards his bed. His gaze then turned to his phone, which had remained silent, hidden in the pocket of his coat, throughout the day. When he unlocked it and saw the number of missed calls, guilt hit him. He definitely should have spoken before leaving.

 

 _"I'm sorry, I didn’t think you would come back so soon."_ His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Theo, speaking with total irony and annoyance. When he turned and saw the half-naked body, still wet, covered only by a towel, his jaw opened slightly. _"Don’t worry, I'll change in the bathroom. I don’t want to bother you,”_ he whispered, again without abandoning the tone of seriousness. Liam could tell he was upset, even if he wanted to disguise it. After several minutes, Theo came out of the bathroom, one more time, now fully dressed. Liam was surprised not to see him in his pyjamas.

 _"Are you going somewhere?"_ He asked, curious. Theo nodded, going to his respective bed. Sitting on it, to put his shoes on. _"Where?"_

_"The dean has called. He needs my signature on our permission document. So I'll fly to Chicago and—"_

_"You don’t have to come back, you know?"_ Liam whispered. Despite wanting him to do it, he knew it would be best if he stayed in Chicago. _"You've done enough for me. I don’t want you to lose more classes."_

 _"If you don’t want me to come back, just tell me. You don’t have to pretend you care."_ Theo stood up, taking the small purse that lay in a corner of the room. " _Don’t worry, if you don’t want me here, I won’t come back. We will pretend none of this has happened, and you'll go back with your stupid boyfriend."_

 _"Theo, I'm sorry."_ And while guilt was still present, the annoyance was also there. He hated that Theo had to overreact so exaggeratedly for everything. He thought the fights had been left in the past, but apparently, it was something Theo simply couldn’t forget. _"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression—"_

 _"Fuck off, dude!"_ He yelled, surprising Liam, who didn’t hesitate to stand up, both of them facing each other. "Do you know how hard it was for me to accept what was happening? You might think I'm stupid, but I'm not. I know you feel the same." Little by little the distance was getting minor and Liam believed that, despite being able to retreat, he wouldn’t. He didn't want to. _"But you're a coward, Liam. You're a pussy. "_

 _"Call me pussy one more time and I'll show you what this pussy can do."_ Liam was surprised at how threatening he had sounded. However, he felt offended. Hurt. Especially because Theo was right.

 _"You are a pussy."_ Theo smiled wickedly, to be pushed by Liam. Stepping back, he smiled even more. _"Come on, hit me. Push me away. But you know, whatever you do, you won’t change what we feel for each other. No matter how much you run, or how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, you won't… so come on, don't be a pussy."_

 

Liam denied, looking Theo in the eye. He tried to reply, counterattack, but not a word came out of his mouth. He only pushed him, not knowing what else to do. Theo simply let himself be pushed, incredulous that Liam was still resisting. Liam was slowly cornering Theo against the wall. His eyes shone with tears of fury, his lips trembled like the rest of his body. Theo analyzed his friend up and down. He didn’t want to break eye contact, but it was impossible.

As he stepped closer and closer to the wall, Liam formed his hands into fists. Nailing the short nails in his palm. Suddenly, his fist crashed into the wall, causing Theo to take a small leap. _"You don’t understand,"_ Liam whispered.

 _"Then explain it to me. Let me understand.”_ They both looked at each other, Liam with both fits around Theo, on the wall. _"Let me,"_ he begged, asking permission with his gaze. Liam little by little was lowering his arms while lowering his gaze. Surrendering _"It doesn’t make sense to fight against it. It's swimming against the tide, Liam—"_

And then, it happened. Liam rushed to his friend's lips in tears. Devouring them with passion. Theo didn’t take long to reciprocate the kiss, still in shock. Taking Liam by the hair, pulling him closer to him. Their tongues moved, with despair. None wanted to break that kiss, but the oxygen was beginning to end. _"Go!"_ Liam ordered, walking away, suddenly. Theo raised his hand, trying to stop him. But Liam was already far enough away. _"Please, just go! Leave!"_ He couldn’t even look him in the eyes. Liam believed that if he did, there would be no turning back. He wouldn't stop. _"Go!"_

Theo nodded, taking the bag from the floor. Without stopping observing his friend, while moving away. He didn’t want to leave, even if he should. But he understood that, although that kiss had been the best thing he had witnessed in years, like him, Liam still had to process what happened. And staying there, it would only make the situation worse. After looking at him for the last time, he opened the door, leaving through it.

Liam finally looked up, finding himself again in total solitude, accompanied only by the stormy thoughts.


	12. Secrets (Part II)

For Theo Raeken, his life had become an eternal search of truth, despite every step he took meant two steps back. He knew what he wanted, he knew there were too many secrets to unveil, but the problem was, not knowing where to start looking.

The situation was already complicated, thanks to Jessica, who since the incident with Liam hadn’t taken her eyes off her son. She believed that any carelessness would end up ruining her plans. Even if that affected their relationship, which it was getting more and more into a tailspin.

On the other hand, Theo wouldn’t let anyone pull a blindfold over his eyes so easily. He knew that his mother didn’t do anything but for her own good, so he knew that he couldn’t even trust her. And that just lengthened the list. Who could he really trust? He believed in nobody.

_ "I know you don’t trust me. But at some point, you'll want to talk, and I want you to know that I'll be here to listen" _  It was what his psychologist had told him on a Wednesday. Theo, following orders from his doctors, had to attend the daily sessions with the specialist who would help to eliminate the blockage that didn’t allow him to remember. However, Theo didn’t trust him either. He knew what his parents were capable of doing with their money, so what would stop his mother to bribe his psychologist? Even the most respectable being in the world had its price.

_ "I don’t know why I even pay for your sessions," _  Jessica said, driving home. The woman would take her son to each session and then take him home, again. As mentioned earlier, she would never take her eyes off him, and even when she had to work, she knew she could trust that her loyal housekeeper would do the work for her.  _ "You don’t put effort. You just act like a spoiled child—" _

Theo was staring at the window, seeing the blurry exterior.  _ "If you don’t want me to act like a child, then stop treating me like one." _  And with that, the little conversation was over.

Once at home, Theo continued his daily routine of locking himself in his room after each session, until dinner was ready. What else could he do? His mother had taken away his computer until he behaved more nicely with her, so he couldn’t even surf the Internet. He had already read all the books in their library, so he only could lie on the floor and play solitaire with a couple of old cards.

He still remembered with frustration what had happened just days before. He had been face to face with that boy, Liam. And that seemed to have completely turned his world. He knew they were friends, but nevertheless, he couldn’t help feeling that there was something else, something hidden. Why would Liam have called Jessica? Theo had heard them arguing the night before and the way they both looked at each other could tell that the grudge between them was huge.

Nor did he understand his father. While it was too strange for her mother to agree to him to talk to the man, it was frustrating that Jonathan either did not answer the calls or excused himself saying he didn’t have time to talk. Why had he changed his mind so quickly? Just days before it was Jonathan who, almost, had begged him to speak.

_ "We have new neighbours." _  A new morning had arrived, and while Jessica was getting ready to go to her company, Marion, the housekeeper, was spying from a corner. Analyzing each movement of Theo.  _ "I've met the guy last night. I think he moved with his cousin." _

Theo read the newspaper with disinterest while drinking his orange juice. Clearly paying no attention to his mother's comments, he didn’t care what came out of that woman's mouth, knowing that a lot of it would just be lies.  _ "Interesting." _  He had forced himself to mention, with irony.

_ "I’ve invited them to dinner, I think it will be good for us to meet new people." _  Jessica had smiled, looking at herself for the last time in the living room mirror. Theo rolled his eyes, nodding.  _ "I'll come early to take you to your session, okay?" _

_ "I won’t go." _  He simply commented, taking a sip of his juice. The toast with butter spread remained intact in the corner of his plate. _  "But, anyway, if you come early... maybe we can some spend time together." _  And that, despite sounding suspicious, made Jessica smile.  _ "That, if you want, or can. It's not that I really care." _  However, Jessica didn’t even bother to hide her smile. _  "Just saying." _  If he spent more time with his mother, it meant Marion wouldn't be there to disturb him just as only she could do.

_ "I'll be here soon, darling." _  Then the woman said goodbye.

Minutes later, Theo was in total solitude, reclining on the lawn of his garden. Marion was in the kitchen, preparing lunch, still peering through the window that looked out onto the garden.

Theo didn’t want to admit himself, but he felt lonely. Even if he had always been a lonely child, he hated being lonely. He no longer only felt a void in his life, he himself accepted to be empty. He didn’t even think he had any purpose anymore. But he knew that he couldn’t give up either, it was just a difficult moment that would get better with time.

_ "Here you are." _  Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted, thankfully. When he raised his face, looking towards the door, the surprise ran over him, preventing any word from leaving his lips.  _ "I had to make sure she was really gone. Also, I guess she hasn’t warned Marion about me." _  Scott McCall smiled, approaching his cousin. Theo was speechless. While he remembered Scott as if he had seen him only months ago, the change was impressive. His roguish adolescent face had turned into that of a handsome, mature man. Even his features seemed to have changed _. "We don’t have much time," _  he whispered, sitting next to him. Theo was still analyzing every physical detail of his cousin, completely stunned.

_ "What do you mean? What are you doing here?" _  He asked finally. His eyes suddenly widened in size as he saw the big screen of what appeared to be his cousin's phone. Not even his was so big.  _ "Holy shit!" _  Suddenly, he almost screamed, seeing what looked like a Liam hologram on the screen.

_ "Quiet." _  Scott laughed, extending his iPad. Theo took it with distrust, watching the recording nervously. When Liam smiled, waving, Theo had to take the device with both hands, so he wouldn’t drop it, completely scared.  _ "It's a video call," _  Scott commented for his cousin's information.  _ "I’ll go to the kitchen, see that Marion doesn’t spy out the window." _

__

And getting up, Scott quickly walked away. Leaving Theo with Liam's only ghostly company behind the screen. Theo didn’t even speak, still seeing Liam with some distrust, who seemed to be trying to find the right words.

They both remained silent, staring at each other's eyes. Theo didn’t understand the feeling of tranquillity Liam transmitted to him. He was still upset, and despite not being able to hate him, even if he really wanted to, he didn’t understand how that mysterious young man aroused such confused feelings inside him.

_ "This was the only way I could talk to you," _  Liam said, sighing. Theo nodded, disguising confusion. _  "I know how you feel, Theo— _

_ "Really?" _  Theo's tone was completely ironic.  _ "Do you have amnesia too?" _

_ "No, but I was also lost, once." _  He whispered, trying to hide the pain in his voice. _  "I was lost for a long time until I met you. And you never stopped until you showed me the way, you didn’t give up until I finally found myself. You helped me—" _  Theo didn’t need Liam to say it again or to swear what he had said. Even with that strange virtual communication, they were both having, Theo could notice the sincerity in Liam's words. Like he could tell when Jessica was lying.

_ "So?" _  He asked, trying to dismiss it. However, a small flame of curiosity ignited inside him.  _ "I don’t know you, why should I trust you?" _

_ "I’m not asking you to trust me." _  After a long silence, Liam went on.  _ "I only ask you to trust yourself. Do not ignore that feeling inside you, that voice in your mind... follow it. Trust yourself more, because only you can solve this, Theo..." _

Both, then, kept silent. Theo was still trying to analyze what was happening, stunned. Liam was only resigned to look with affection and melancholy the face of his husband. There were millions of things he needed to scream, but he knew he couldn’t.

Minutes later, Liam said goodbye. He didn’t know what else to say without being inopportune. Theo was surprised to want, in fact, that Liam didn’t leave. Even if none said a word, he didn’t want him to leave.  _ "Goodbye," _  he whispered, then. Saying goodbye equally. Liam sighed, finishing the call, to lean back on his couch, letting the tears come out, finally.

Theo admired the electronic device for seconds, not knowing what else to do. If he had thought about even the possibility of giving up, after that call, the little ray of hope illuminated more and more. He wouldn’t just not give up, he would definitely start solving those mysterious secrets.

 

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


Scott knew how risky it was to show up at the Raekens house after what had happened years ago, but he loved Liam so much to do nothing, knowing he could help, at least a little. So, when he had received that call for help from Kira, he hadn’t even waited days to catch the first flight as soon as possible.

_ "Do you think it will work?" _  Liam asked, letting the hot chocolate cup warm his body. Definitely, nobody prepared the hot chocolate as good as his husband did. Scott had returned to the loft.

_ "This has been a big step. Believe me, only you are capable of awakening something in him." _  Scott smiled, thinking how special the relationship that his cousin had with Liam was perhaps the strongest and most special he had seen in years. _  "Don’t worry, all this will end soon." _

_ "I really hope so," _  Liam whispered, laying his face on Scott's shoulder.  _ "Thanks for coming, Scottie. Really, I don’t know what I would do without you and Kira." _

_ "You know I would do anything for you, baby" _  Scott clarified, caressing the young man's face fondly.

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


 

Meanwhile, after Scott left, Theo hadn’t waited to run to his room. Seeing the strange phone charger Scott gave him. Now he only had to find his phone, which he knew was in his mother's room, but how would he get in and take it? He knew his mother kept her room under keys, and it wasn’t as if he could ask Marion for help. In the course of the day, thousands of plans began to be devised.

_ "I brought you something, baby," _  her mother had said before the doorbell rang. When opening the gift bag, Theo smiled to see some new clothing. He knew his mother would expect him to dress it for the much-acclaimed dinner with the new neighbours. _  "Come on, go change fast. They're already here." _  And Theo nodded, heading for the stairs, watching his mother walk towards the door.

Theo understood, in a way, that his mother was trying her best. Even if her way of trying it wasn’t the best, he knew she loved him, as much he loved her. So, he only prayed that everything would finish soon because the very idea of not getting along with the most important person in his life was simply devastating. No son should be at war with his mother.

Suddenly, on his way to his room, his gaze quickly turned to the door of his mother's room, which remained semi opened. His heart began to beat rapidly, unable to believe that the opportunity for which he had prayed so much was only centimetres from his face.

His feet slid slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, praying that neither his mother nor Marion would go up.

_ "Easy." _  He told himself, as he stretched out his hand, to open the door slowly. Begging it wouldn’t squeak, even knowing it wouldn’t. _  "Damn…" _  he mumbled to himself, seeing how changed his mother's room was. It was like being in a brand new place, it seemed even bigger than he remembered, so starting his search could be more difficult than he had imagined.

Where to start? He didn’t have much time either. Quickly, he went to the closet in the corner, rummaging to find the small compartment, where his father used to keep his gun. With a smile, he slid his hand through the hole, to take between his fingers the phone he recognized as his own. However, there was something else there. His smile was suddenly erased, giving rise to an expression of total seriousness and concentration, trying to pull out what seemed to be a plastic object smaller than his phone. His face contracted as he extracted what he recognized as a USB drive. The words written on a paper on the back of the pen drive made his heart beat faster. "Tara?" He whispered, feeling a strange sensation of grief in his chest.

_ "Theo?" _  He heard suddenly, at the door. His hands slid quickly into his pockets, hiding both devices, and then he stood up again. His heart was beating too hard it hurt.  _ "Theo."  _ The  woman called again, smiling with strange joy.

Theo, despite having been caught, smiled. Feeling confusion at the woman that although he didn’t remember, her name left his lips as if it were an uncontrollable vomit.  _ "Malia." _


	13. Time to Face the Consequences

_"I can stay a few more days, we’re really not doing anything interesting in the college, so—"_

In a matter of days, Miranda had recovered almost completely, getting her released from the hospital as quickly as possible. However, even knowing that his grandmother was out of danger, Liam refused to return to Chicago. Maybe because he knew that sooner or later he would have to face what had happened. That kiss. That stupid kiss.

 _"C'mon, honey. You have to go back."_ Miranda smiled, gently pushing her grandson to the waiting line of the bus. Liam was still trying to convince his grandmother that if he returned the ticket, he would receive the money in return. But the woman was determined that her grandson would return to Chicago. She couldn’t allow her grandson to continue putting his future in danger because of her, besides having a slight feeling of why Liam didn’t want to return, only encouraged her to push him more and more. _"I'll be fine. I promise I'll visit you soon, but now you need to get on that bus."_

Liam, then, nodded, giving up. It was in vain argue with someone who was just as persistent, which meant that their attitude definitely was passed from generation to generation. _"If you don’t visit me, I'll come. And you won’t get me off your couch."_ He joked, taking the suitcase that lay on the floor. Miranda laughed, giving her grandson one last hug. _"I love you, grandma. I promise that once I get a job, I’ll return you all the money you have spent on me."_

 _"Sweetie, you follow your happiness, it will be the only payment I would accept."_ The woman smiled. Liam nodded, sighing. Little by little the line started to get smaller and smaller, to the point where Liam was the next to get on the bus. _"Remember, do the right thing for your heart, honey. Do not overthink."_ She advised once Liam was sitting in his respective seat, looking out the semi-open window. _"We’ll see you soon."_

_"Goodbye grandma."_

 

During the trip of more than ten hours, Liam had had enough time to think of different ways to confront Theo, even though most of them involved running away. And it was that… was there even a way to face what happened? Because he really didn’t think so or wanted to. He wanted to be able to forget it. He wanted everything to continue as usual, but he couldn’t just forget it. Nor did he want to, and things would never be the same as before, for the simple fact that both had opened a door that neither of them wanted to close again.

So... What could he do about it? Running away began to seem like a good idea.

 

In the same instant that his feet touched the ground, he knew that the first thing he should have done was to have returned to the bus. He still wanted to run away, just like every cell of his body told him to, but he never did it.

He just kept going.

With slow, but firm steps.

Because he really couldn’t keep trying to escape the inescapable. There was no point in doing it.

 

Each step he took felt like a bucket of boiling oil throw to his body. He felt that maybe he was starting to have a fever because of the unsustainable heath he felt. He knew it was his nerves and nothing else, but that didn’t make his body and mind relax, either.

 

Then, everything seemed to have started again.

Again, he walked along the great stone path.

Again, he walked through each hallway until he reached his respective room, feeling more lost than ever.

Again, he was in front of his door, standing in front of it. Quiet, analyzing every detail of the wear.

His hand stretched toward the doorknob with eternal slowness. He didn’t want to open that door. Just imagining what he could find behind it, disturbed him too much.

As his hand covered the doorknob, confusion and curiosity were present. Little feminine giggles aroused the anger inside him as he got closer and closer to the door. He knew who it was, so maybe that was one of the many reasons why he had decided to open the door quickly. _"Oh, I'm sorry!"_ He said, with fakeness, going inside. Malia hurried to get up off the bed, arranging her slightly dishevelled hair. Theo was still in his bed, in the same position. Surprised, he hadn’t even flinched.

 _"I'm sorry, I'd better go,"_ Malia whispered, in a strange tone of voice that Liam had never heard from her. Modesty.

 _"You don’t have to, I’m just to leave my suitcase."_ However, and despite having wanted to kick Malia out of the room himself, he wouldn’t follow his impulses. Maybe Theo getting back with her was the best. At least, he thought it would make things easier. _“I’m sorry I’ve interrupted.”_

 

Theo blinked, again. As much as he wanted to explain the situation, the words didn’t come out of his mouth. But, once again, they were no longer necessary, because, just as Liam had entered, he had rushed out.

Liam understood, that things didn’t change significantly, everything still felt like the first day. Maybe Malia didn’t stumble with him this time, but it still felt like he had fallen face down on the ground anyway.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _"Are you okay?"_ Brett slid his index finger over Liam's bare chest. Both were on the carpet of his room, with his nakedness barely covered by some clothes. _"You seem off."_

Liam swallowed, tired. Slowly, he turned his face, until he was facing Brett again. _"I don’t love you,"_ he whispered suddenly, letting his feelings be expelled. Brett frowned, somewhat stunned. It was then that Liam realized how harsh he had sounded. _"I'm sorry, I'm an idiot."_ He quickly apologized, drawing Brett's face next to his, both foreheads together. _"Yes, I do appreciate you, it's just that—"_

 _"I know."_ Brett smiled. Moving away from the young man. They both returned to their initial position, staring at the ceiling fan of Brett's room. At that moment he felt somewhat stupid, the fact that both were still naked after having had relationships… That wasn’t the way he would want to have lost his virginity, even if he had felt good, it didn’t anymore. _"Is this because of Theo?"_ He asked, suddenly. Liam turned around again, surprised. _"I'm not blind, or stupid."_ He smiled, sadly. _"It was pretty obvious, maybe I just tried to convince myself that I could have had a chance of something real with you."_

 _"I'm sorry._ " At what point had things gone astray? Everyone seemed to notice what Liam felt for Theo, even Theo himself. However, why was it so difficult for him to accept it? _"Everyone noticed, except for me, huh?"_

 _"That's what happens with the love, Liam,"_ Brett whispered, straightening up. His eyes were focused on the small portrait of both that Liam had painted weeks ago. _"We constantly live looking for love, and when we find it when we are in front of it— we simply walk away. Maybe for fear of accepting it, fearing to lose it."_

And that couldn’t be more accurate. That was exactly how Liam felt about it. That was why he knew very well what he had to do, even if it was hard to admit, nothing would change what he felt. Nothing would change what had happened, but he could do change what could happen and that depended on his actions. _"Can I stay here tonight?"_ He almost begged, hugging Brett from behind. He nodded, pushing Liam away slowly. _"I— I’m sorry."_

 _"It’s okay, Liam. Stop apologizing."_ Brett smiled, turning to him. Slowly their faces moved closer until Liam's lips touched his, with that sad salty taste of tears. _"I really hope you find your happiness"_ he whispered as if it were a goodbye. Liam nodded, wiping the tears that rolled down his now ex-boyfriend's cheeks. _"I love you."_

 

And so, the night went on.

No one had said another word, but it wasn’t really necessary. Everything that had to be said, it had been said. Brett understood that this magical experience had sadly come to an end, and he only had to wish that Theo was smart enough not to miss the opportunity that had just escaped his hands.

On the other hand, Liam knew very well that he should talk to Theo as soon as possible, but not that night. He didn’t think he had the courage or the energy to exhibit all his weakness.

 

The next morning, when Liam woke up, the first thing he noticed was that Brett was no longer there. Which made sense. He knew it had been imprudent to stay the night before, but he didn’t want to go back to his room either. He wasn’t ready to face Theo, and maybe he never would be. But it was a matter of time until he had no other choice, and he didn’t want to get to that point.

He prayed, to wake up. Simply blink and wake up again. That everything that happened would have been just a strange dream, but it wasn’t so simple.

Now he had to face the consequences of his actions.

It was time to be a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are.  
> Liam is back and ready to talk to Theo about their kiss. What will happen, though?


	14. Trust

The coincidences didn’t exist. There was no such thing. If something happened, it was because it was predestined to happen, maybe it was something that everyone was aware of, but yet... coincidences were still used as excuses.

  
  
Scott's return had been of more help than Liam had believed, thanks to him he memorized every move Jessica made in her routine life, one of the most important; when she would take Theo to Dr Patterson's office.   
He knew exactly what time they both arrived at the doctor's office and when they left. Maybe the fact of playing detectives was what made Liam braver than he thought he could be, and that only made him realize what he was capable of doing for Theo.   
Although, however, that braveness was still not enough to actually make an important step. He knew it would be unethical to ask a professional about its patient, but maybe if he tried hard enough... maybe he could get some information from Dr Patterson. At least Theo’s clinical picture.

  
  
On the other hand, Theo was still trying to recompose what happened two days ago. Not only he had found his phone and that strange pen drive with that familiar name but had also been discovered by his mysterious new neighbour, Malia Tate.   
He could swear he knew her. Even if Malia didn’t really mention a thing, he felt an inexplicable connection to her, and then there was, of course, the matter of her name. That was an infallible proof, how had Theo known the name of that woman if he had never heard it before? Because he was so sure that he hadn’t heard it from his mother's lips, nor that coincidences existed. So what was it all about?

  
__  
_"Yes, that's me... I'm your new neighbour."_  Malia had said. Her smile remained intact as if she were really happy to meet her neighbour. Theo, still with his hands in his pockets, smiled thinly. Nervous and uncomfortable  _"I'm sorry, your mother told me where the bathroom was, but I think I got lost."_   
The distrust, then, vanished. There was something about her that was in a certain way pleasant. He knew for sure that he couldn’t trust anyone, but even so, for a moment, he didn’t distrust. And it was strange because that had only happened with Liam. Even if he didn’t admit it, he trusted him, somehow. But why was it then that he trusted two strangers? He didn’t even trust his own parents. _"It's down the other aisle."_  Theo indicated, trying to disguise the fact that he had been  caught in the act.   
Malia then nodded, walking away. Without erasing the smile on her face.    
  
Theo quickly hastened to put everything in its place, to go back to his room. He had to hide the two objects he had found before his mother discovered that they were even missing, he had to plan every movement; If his mother was meticulous, he was even more so.   
  
During the next two days, the situation was not clarified at all, it could be said that it was even more confusing. While he didn’t know his new neighbour, Derek, he couldn’t help but feel a strange feeling in his stomach every time he saw Malia. He was curious and in some way, a certain attracted. Although it wasn’t really a physical attraction, even when Malia was a beautiful woman, the attraction was due to something else. Something inexplicable. That connection... There was something about her that stirred feelings in him. Nostalgia, mostly. It was absurd to think of how familiar she was, he could almost swear every time he saw her, it felt like a deja vu or something like that.   
Jessica, on the other hand, was impatient. Theo thought he knew the reason, but Jessica surprisingly didn’t seem to suspect him, so he stayed calm. Just as Jessica would get calmer every time she saw her son interact with their neighbour, Malia, which Theo found strange in some way, and at the same time, it seemed, somehow, to make some sense.   


 

 

 

* * *

 

 

__  
  
_"Are you sure you want to do this?"_  Scott asked, closing the refrigerator door. He was surprised to see Liam about to leave just as he was about to start making lunch. Although of course, he knew exactly what his friend was about to do.  _"I can do it, you know—"I mean... I'm family."_   
_"And I'm his husband."_  Liam smiled, turning to Scott. After a few tweaks to his clothe and uncontrollable dishevelled hair, he was ready to go to Dr Patterson's office. _"Don’t worry, I'll just ask for a report. It's not like I'm about to do something illegal."_ __  
_"At least let me go with you,"_  he whispered, wiping his hands on his kitchen apron. Liam, however, denied. Rubbing the hand that now rested on the counter of the kitchen. Scott sighed lightly at the touch.   
_"Just stay here. And save me some food, you know how much I love your meals."_  And Scott, without feeling calmer, nodded. It was strange and painful to witness that scene he had dreamed for a long time. But he knew it wasn’t even close to being real. Maybe the life he had dreamed of should only stay in his thoughts.  _"I'll be back soon, okay?"_   
  


And in a matter of minutes, Liam was in his car, driving down the highway. He definitely felt nervous, but for some reason, he also felt calmer. He had the feeling that everything was about to change, he could feel it in every corner of his cell.    
And even if he was just trying to be positive, Liam couldn’t be less wrong, because everything, in fact, was about to change.

  
  
When he arrived at the office, he was not even surprised at how flawless the building looked. In the small parking lot there were cars that were worth more than his apartment and all his paintings together, how well would even the secretary win? It wasn’t surprising either that Jessica took her son to that place. It really wasn’t a surprise.   
For a moment he felt ashamed of his car, which was a really old model. But he quickly got rid of the thought, going back to reality, to what really mattered; Theo.

  
  
Glancing quickly at the clock on his wrist, he hurried to the reception. He had only minutes before Theo arrived with his mother. "Mr Hale, I was waiting for you!" He suddenly heard the man in the suit talking. Both Liam and the receptionist turned to the large brown door that was open. The man was laid on the pillar of it, smiling with kindness. Liam turned around, trying to understand if the man was really talking to another person in the room or if he was just confusing him with someone else. And indeed, he was. _"I must admit that when I heard your emergency call, I thought you’d be at least punctual."_  The man joked, with a certain mischief in his voice. Liam sighed, denying.   
_"I'm not— My name is Liam. I'm the husband of one of your patients, Theo Raeken?"_  And then the man nodded, somewhat surprised. He had read in his patient's file that he was married to a man named Liam Dunbar, but since he had started the treatment he had never even heard of him.  _"You are his psychologist, right? Mr Patterson? "_ __  
"That’s right. I'm Dr Patterson— How can I help you? Mr Raeken hasn’t arrived yet, and I'm kind of busy, still waiting for another patient."   
"Well, your patient isn’t here yet." Liam smiled, approaching. The receptionist just watched covertly, one hand on the phone in case it was necessary to call security.  _"I was wondering if we could talk for a minute? It's about my husband."_

  
  
Liam didn’t know what to expect. On the one hand, with luck, the doctor would refuse to speak with total education, which was the most reasonable thought. But, on the other hand, maybe and he was lucky to get information. Maybe and he was lucky to finally get some idea of how to act, how to help Theo.   
The surprise and joy on Liam's face were not minuscule when Dr Patterson, agreed to talk, inviting Liam to his office. The young man hadn’t hesitated to rush in, thinking that the sooner they spoke, the faster he could leave before Theo arrived. He still wanted to prove to Jessica that he hadn’t given up, and while he didn’t know whether to consider it a fair or dirty game, he didn’t think he really had another choice.

  
__  
_"The situation is complicated, Mr Raeken."_  The man began to speak, after the brief explanation that Liam, who tried not to be distracted by the exuberant amount of books and ornaments probably too expensive had given.   
"It's Dunbar." He hurried to correct before the man continued.  _"Theo got my last name, I didn’t—"_ __  
_"Well— Mr Dunbar,"_  the man sighed.  _"The situation is complicated. The patient has suffered a severe brain contusion from what I see in his medical report, but apparently, he has recovered successfully. I do not see that there are sequels, to be honest."_  And at the incredulous expression of the surprised young man, the man continued with his explanation.  _"However, the patient has problems with his memories... what we call dissociative amnesia."_ __  
_"And what does that mean?"_  He asked, regretting not having paid attention in psychology classes.   
_"Dissociative amnesia usually occurs in extreme cases of stress, as was the accident your husband suffered. There are two types of dissociative amnesia, luckily, your husband is only unable to recover previously stored memories, in other cases, he could not have been able to store new memories, so in a way, it's good news."_  Liam nodded, wondering if he should feel calmer or not because he didn’t. He understood, however, that in a certain way the doctor was right. Theo could not have been that lucky.   
_ "But he doesn’t remember me... he seems way too stuck in the past, why? Shouldn’t he at least, I don’t know, be unable to remember the accident? I would understand even if he was unable to remember a few days or even weeks before, but... Why such a retrogression?” _   
__ "I have consulted with other colleagues, and we believe that it is due to his subconscious. Subconsciously Theo is self-protecting, protecting his memories. Maybe the setback to his adolescence is because he probably felt safer with his parents."   


  
Liam nodded, again. Trying to process the new information. Slowly he leaned back on the back of the sofa, still confused. So Theo subconsciously had returned to his adolescence, where he felt protected? Something didn’t make sense if he remembered the stories Theo narrated, his adolescence seemed to have been the worst stage in his life. The arguments of his parents which had ended in divorce, the loneliness to which he had been subjected and then a secret that he was sure, Theo kept. That secret that he has never managed to unveil. Then... why?   
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when his phone began to ring loudly.

  
**_"Are you still in there? I just saw Jessica's car park. You need to get out now! -Scott."_ **

  
Had Scott followed him? He smiled almost immediately, not knowing whether it was because of his nerves or the relief of knowing that maybe he still had time to get away without being seen.   


__  
_"Shit, I have to go!"_  He almost cried, desperately. Seeing the shocked expression of the man, he pursed his lips.  _"Shit, I'm sorry, I— Shit! Sorry Sorry. What should I do? How I can help him?"_   
__ "Theo refuses to continue the treatment. He won’t cooperate, but I would say that you have to stimulate his memory, try to discover its blockage and the cause of it, and—"   
_"Okay, thank you very much!"_  Liam nodded, grabbing his coat, stumbling over several things in turn.  _"Shit!"_  He cursed for the fourth time, slamming his foot into the leg of the desk.  _"Shit, shit, I'm sorry, goodbye!"_  Then he cursed, once again, when opening the door. He had not even noticed the rapt gaze of the unknown man he had hit by accident.   
  


His feet rushed to the glass door, watching Theo and Jessica walk towards it, apparently arguing over something. Liam cursed softly, looking for some way out. Theo definitely couldn’t see him there. He couldn’t risk that he thought he was stalking him, which in a way...   
His eyes saw the bathroom door, through which he hastened to enter. The receptionist blinked rapidly, confused. Dr Patterson, who had come to the door to greet the man, looked just as confused.   


  
_"Okay, I'll wait in the parking lot!"_  The woman protested, entering the building. Theo nodded, opening the glass door again for her mother to leave.   
_"Hey."_  He waved once the woman was outside. "Derek?" He called, confused to see his neighbour there. _"What are you doing here?"_ __  
_"Mr Hale is a patient, but he has been late for his session so he will have to make a new appointment."_  Dr Patterson commented with clear annoyance. Derek Hale sighed, walking away. His appearance was more dishevelled than usual, Theo for a moment was concerned to see his neighbour in that state, but quickly shook his head, returning to reality.  _"Let’s go, Theo.”_ __  
_"I have to go to the bathroom first,"_  he whispered, apologizing. The man let out a long sigh of exhaustion, looking annoyed at his secretary who quickly dodged his eyes.   
  


Upon entering the bathroom, Theo smiled. Normally the scent of any bath would be unpleasant, but the aroma of peaches quickly flooded his nostrils just as he crossed the door. He recognized what it was, who it was. He remembered that scent very well.   
When he opened the wash faucet, he hid his smile as he heard curses under his breath. He had also heard the squeaking of the cubicle door open, so he knew he was being watched. After several seconds, he turned around, approaching the exit door. He knew that the person in the cubicle would have an obstructed view so he couldn’t really see if Theo left or not, so he continued to open the door, to close it again, but never leaving. Waiting.    
And just as he predicted, Liam hurried out of the cubicle, surprised to see Theo in front of him, arms folded.   
  


_"I saw you through the office window."_  Theo smiled.  _"And then I saw you through the glass door, luckily my mother didn’t."_ __  
_"Theo, I—"_  Liam whispered, shaking nervously.  
_"Shut up and listen."_  Theo's smile had vanished. An expression of concern and seriousness settled on his face.  _"There's no time now, but I want you to stay here. Okay? I'll be back in a few minutes, but I really need you to stay here and wait for me. We need to talk._ I _—_  I _need your help. "_  
Liam nodded. "Why?" He asked, with clear confusion. _"I thought you didn’t trust me."_ _  
__"I don’t."_  And then, the smile returned. But this time, it was not an arrogant smile, not even a fake smile. This time it was an honest smile, and neither Theo nor Liam could explain it.  _“But I think I might do.”_


	15. Guarded

By closing his eyes, Liam could see every memory pass through his mind. From his first steps, till’ the last conversation he had with his parents.

Despite having had a close relationship with his parents, they had taught him from an early age to be independent. To face every painful situation. But even so, Liam never thought he could have been prepared to lose his parents. And even if one of the phrases he remembered most from his parents was _"Everything is ephemeral"_ the pain in his heart sometimes seemed to be eternal. Like a flame inside him that never seemed to fade.

He believed that, at some point, his wounds would heal. That at some point maybe he would be strong enough to overcome what had happened. Independent enough to move on. But like a baby just beginning to take its first steps, Liam needed some help. And that’s something he wasn’t aware of.

 

Liam walked towards his room, slowly and insecurely. It was still early to see a student in the halls of the residence, so he understood the reason of the quiet tranquillity that only made his nerves quicken. He was still afraid. He knew exactly what he had to do, it was stupid to delay the inevitable, but that didn’t make bravery greater than his cowardice. There was much to lose, and knowing that no matter what decision he made, he wished the consequences were not as painful as he feared.

 

His steps were slow, his feet seemed to crawl. Every corner of his body cried out to stop, to retreat, but his heart was now the one giving orders. And his brain for the first time obeyed them.

With each step, a new feeling appeared. With every inch of his hand towards the doorknob, every word of his speech vanished from his mind. And as the squeaking of the door opening sounded and his eyes closed by inertia, his mind went completely blank. And after ten seconds, it was time enough for his eyes to open again. At the silence that confirmed his suspicions; He was alone. Theo wasn’t in the room, and far from feeling relieved, frustration gripped his body.

 

 _"Dammit!"_ He growled as he walked to his bed, sitting on it. Although he had forgotten all the words he would say, he had finally gathered the courage to face what had happened. But again, the opportunity had vanished. Such as his courage.

 

Perhaps from the moment he had awakened the sensation in his stomach, it seemed to be more than just nerves, and even if Liam had decided to forget it, it was impossible to do now that that sensation had reappeared. He could feel it in the atmosphere, there was something different. And he didn’t know if it was the perfectly laid bed or the pile of boxes stacked in a corner. Those boxes weren’t there before, and Theo was not exactly the kind of person who would normally make his bed.

His heart skipped a beat when he got up from his bed. His first instinct was to run to the closet, to confirm his doubts. And at such confirmation, tears soon appeared in his eyes. _"You’re leaving,"_ he whispered, seeing the closet completely empty. No need to rummage through the boxes to know what the content was about. He perfectly understood what was happening.

Slowly he fell to the floor, with his back pressed against the wall. His hands covered his face completely, feeling humiliated of himself. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, but he didn’t have enough strength. It hurt to even breathe. That little flame in his heart was growing to the point it burned. Till the pain was so huge that his heart would end up breaking. _"You’re gone,"_ he whispered to himself. _"I lost you…"_

 

His sobs gradually calmed down, until the room was completely silent again. The silence was devastating, but so it was hearing the echo his thoughts. The silence only made them intensify, making him understand just how lonely he was. And although all the strength in his body had disappeared, I needed to do something about it. Even when all he wanted was to lock in his room, he wouldn't do it for three simple reasons. He really needed a coffee. He needed to talk to someone, to the only remaining person he could trust at that moment, Kira. And Theo would probably come back at any moment to look for the rest of his stuff.

 

His face was a complete mess, as so it was his hair and his clothes, but when hadn’t they been? His way to the coffee shop had been one of the longest walks in his life, everything seemed to happen in slow motion and he didn’t know if it was due to the probable fever or if his feet really made no effort to accelerate the pace.

 

 _"You are back!"_ Kira smiled with her characteristic kindness. Liam raised an eyebrow, surprised to see his friend as a barista. Since when did she was working there? The last thing he remembered was Kira being a bartender in that nightclub. Maybe there wouldn’t be much difference between preparing a drink and a latte, but still... How in the hell did she have two jobs and he still none? _"And hell, you look terrible,"_ she commented, without erasing her smile. Liam could not help laughing slightly, nodding. _"How is your grandma? What happened? Why do you look like someone died? "_

 _"I'll have a laden coffee,"_ he whispered, opening his wallet, taking out one of the last bills left in it. Kira nodded, understanding that establishing a friendly conversation when there was a long line of waiting customers wasn’t the best idea. _"We'd better talk during your break, I'll wait outside."_

 

And during the thirty minutes, where Liam had drunk maybe more than five coffees, Kira's turn was finally over. Liam was outside, staring at one of the large trees that was beginning to bloom, holding his already cold coffee in one hand. Maybe if his look wasn’t so disastrous, that scene would be perfect for a photo. And just thinking about how embarrassing he probably looked, he smiled. Because there was nothing else to do.

 

 _"Should I be worried? You've drunk exactly five and a half coffees, and yet you're not hyperactive enough for me."_ Kira whispered, approaching. Slowly she sat down in front of her friend, noticing any reaction on his face but concentration. _"Whatever you're thinking about must be too serious not to laugh at my funny joke... Is your grandma okay?"_

 _"She's fine."_ He smiled, with relief. And after long seconds of silence, he continued. _"Theo left."_ He spoke then. Surprising Kira, who decided to remain silent. _"Well, he's in the process of doing it. There is still some personal stuff in the room. "_

_"Where is he going? Home?"_

_"Home, another room— I don’t know. It's not like I could ask him."_ His words were transformed into babbling when he took the last sip of his iced coffee. An expression of disgust formed on his face. _"I screwed up, Kira. He’s leaving because of me."_

And in desperation, Kira hastened to deny. _"What do you mean? Don’t say that. It's not your fault that he’s leaving, why do you think that? Did you do something? Maybe he has been expelled.”_ But Liam denied, with a giggle full of sadness. His gaze left the big tree to focus on his friend's eyes. Their friendship wasn’t as strong as the one he had with Theo, but he knew that if there was one person he could trust, it was Kira. And in a matter of minutes, each doubt was cleared as Liam finally told Kira everything.  He laughed at her friend's confused face, placing both hands on his face. Squeezing it _"You can’t give up. Especially now! You must fight."_

_"Everything is already lost, Kira... I lost my best friend, I almost lost my grandmother and I probably won’t even be able to pay the next semester... my life is destined to fail."_

_"Nothing is lost, Liam. But if you think that way it will be."_ And as much as that was true, Liam didn’t know what else to do or feel about it. _"I won’t let you give up. There is still something you can do. And I'll help you... and maybe we'll kill two birds with one stone."_

 _"What do you mean?"_ Then he asked, with confusion. And after a long silence, Kira took a long breath.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

With the recent circumstances, Liam had completely forgotten that both Theo and Kira had auditioned for the Chicago State Symphony. How would Theo feel? Just imagining the nerves that his probably now former friend was feeling, made him panicked. He hated knowing there was nothing he could do to help. Not even to help Kira, who, to his surprise, had shown to hide secrets beneath her galley. In addition to possessing determination and self-control, something-he-would-never-have, she possessed the ability to get almost everything she’d proposed, like getting Liam hired by the catering company, to serve as a waiter that night’s ceremony. And Liam couldn’t be more grateful.

 

 _"What is the worst that can happen? I won’t die for not being accepted."_ Kira laughed, settling her ring. No matter how hard she tried to keep calm, Liam knew that at any moment she could lose control of her feelings.

When the night arrived, so did the desperation and the struggle to try to look good. Liam felt that the waiter's outfit Kira had got him was too tight for his taste, but still, he couldn’t reproach. His hair was perfectly combed back with hairspray, but even so, he couldn’t feel at ease. In his body, there was only discomfort and in unease in his mind. _"If you don’t apply, is their loss, but you will audition for something else. You have too much talent to waste it."_ And in the battle to remain calm, Kira smiled gratefully. _"You look beautiful, despite being on the verge of fainting."_ Kira laughed lightly, walking towards the exit. Both were grateful that the ceremony was held in the same old theatre. At least that gave them the assurance that they wouldn’t spend much for a taxi.

 

Once there, they both looked at each other for the last time before entering through the front door, Kira walking along the big red carpet, upstairs, while Liam walked towards the service door in one of the corners of the low level of the building.

Liam understood that not all people remained calm as Kira did and that he didn’t know exactly how Theo would take the news. His heart couldn’t help but jump just thinking that Theo's dream might be about to be fulfilled or destroyed.

And so, the night continued. Every second that passed seemed hours and desperation was felt even in his pores. His feet hurt from so much walking from one side to the other as his wrist was numb from carrying such heavy trays, but he had to admit that being a waiter had a certain grace. At least that had served as a lesson; There will always be someone with less luck, like the boy who spilt champagne on the fur coat of a lady.

 

 _"I can’t wait to get out of here,"_ the boy of the champagne incident, mumbled with disgust. Liam turned, smiling immediately. If he was him, he would also want to get out of there. _"You are Dunbar, aren’t you?_ Raeken's _roommate."_

 _"Yes."_ He nodded, not understanding how Jackson Whittemore recognized him. Both shared several classes, but Whittemore had never shown interest in even establishing a conversation _. "And you're Whittemore, right?"_

Jackson smirked, proud to hear his last name. _"I'm sorry to say this for your little friend, but I hope his team loses_ olympically _. Lydia Martin doesn’t deserve a bit of success."_

Liam couldn’t help laughing with a certain discomfort. He had heard that Jackson and Lydia had been in a relationship for years, which had not ended well. And as much as he understood that not every couple who ended their relationship could maintain a friendship, the fact of just hearing the resentment in Jackson's voice was in a certain humiliating way. For a moment, he remembered his thoughts when he heard Theo mention the symphony for the first time; he understood that, if his friend won a scholarship, he would have to move out of residence and even if Theo only wanted to follow his dreams, the idea of being away from him made Liam shudder. And yet, that was about to happen and there was nothing he could do to change it.

 

The ceremony then officially begun and after receiving the green light to take a break, Liam had rushed to the top floor. Where the empty balcony had a view in front of the stage. In a matter of moments, the microphone man would announce the people who had applied and those who didn’t. And no matter how hard he tried to stay calm, nerves just consumed him.

When the man on the stage received the envelope, his eyes fell on Theo's face, who smiled nervously. Liam smiled, touched. He had never stopped to analyze Theo's face, and in doing so he understood the reason for his feelings. Seeing that smile, he understood how he had fallen in love. How not to? That smile could only belong to an angel. Even if Theo was more of a fallen angel.

 

The lights dimmed as the man on the stage started talking into his microphone. The names began to be mentioned and even though Liam didn’t want to stop looking at Theo, his eyes closed. Squeezing, while crossing the fingers of both hands, praying in languages that he didn’t believe existed. _"Theo Raeken!"_ And as soon as he heard the name, Liam couldn’t help but scream. Tears of excitement threatened to come out, while their hands clashed in loud applause that was hushed by the thousands of applauses that resonated on the floor below. His smile was almost as gigantic as Theo's, who had not been able to avoid letting out some tears that he was trying in vain to clean.

And after that everything continued as normal. All the names to mention had been mentioned and even if Kira had not applied, Liam couldn’t stop smiling. Feeling a great happiness inside. He was happy. He was proud.

 

 _"Stop making fun of the suffering of others."_ He heard Kira joke with an expression of sadness. Liam quickly erased his smile, running to hug his friend. No matter if he filled her dress with the smell of sushi. _"Theo is truly happy, when we left the stage he almost burst into tears."_

 _"All I want is to hug him."_ He lamented, knowing that his wishes were impossible to fulfil.

_"However, have you noticed that they have only named Theo? I thought he and Lydia were a team."_

 

And even if Liam didn’t know the rules from beginning to the end, he knew for obvious reasons that a single participant couldn’t be chosen, unless he was a soloist. And as disastrous as the team that Lydia and Theo formed, it was still a team. Why hadn’t they mentioned Lydia then? His gaze went to the end of the room, where Malia talked animatedly with the director of the symphony. A slight tingle ran through her stomach, remembering how much Malia hated Lydia and how obsessed she seemed to be with Theo. Thousands of conspiracy theories soon formed in his mind, but he didn’t want to doubt Theo's undoubted talent.

 

 _"I know, I guess the rules must have changed."_ Then he whispered, looking around for Lydia. The redhaired girl was in a remote seat, cleaning his tears while fixing her makeup. He felt honest empathy for her. _"I'll go check Lyd—"_

"You are here." Suddenly he heard behind him. And there was no need to turn to know who it was. He recognized that voice as none.

 _"Why wouldn’t I? I'm a waiter. I work here,”_ he whispered, keeping his composure. Glancing sideways at Kira, he could see her friend throwing looks of total disbelief. Had he really had to behave like an idiot when Theo was around? Would he really waste every opportunity? _"I heard you applied, congratulations."_

"Thank you." Theo's expression was one of total confusion, and joy. He was happy to see Liam there, no matter what happened. And even if Liam was only there for his work and not for him, that didn’t matter. Because his mere presence was enough. _"I wanted to talk about— well, there are many things to talk about, but this is not the right place."_

Liam couldn’t agree more. Both had to fix their problems as soon as possible, but that event wasn’t the appropriate place. _"I just want to ask you a question, it will be quick."_ Why had Theo decided to leave? Had things really reached such a point? But by the time Theo nodded and Liam was ready to talk, an annoying girly voice behind them interrupted.

 _"Here you are, hottie!"_ Malia yelled, hugging Theo from behind. That had taken both by surprise. Theo couldn’t help pushing Malia away by inertia, scared. And Liam had not been able to feel pushed by life itself. If he wasn’t the one who fucked up everything, life itself was responsible for doing it.

Malia didn’t stop smiling, still hugging Theo. That hurt more than a hundred stabs in the heart, and certainly, Liam couldn’t take it anymore. _"I should go back to work,"_ he whispered. Theo opened his lips, looking for some way to stop him. _"Have fun."_ But was there really any way to stop it?

 

No matter what he did, nothing would matter. It wasn’t the first time it happened, losing someone important is something Liam should be used to. He should be able to endure the pain, to be independent, just as his parents had taught him. But it was useless to remember a piece of advice that he couldn’t follow. It was useless to pretend to be strong when his world was falling apart. Every heartbreak made it hard to keep the faith, the hope of finding his happiness. Every heartbreak hurt like the first time.

 

As if it were an emotional blackout, his mind went off as his thoughts had been silent. His feelings had been protected in silence. In the recesses of his soul, where he was sure that no one else could hurt them again. Not even himself.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

His feet crawled through the corridors of the residence, from the south wing to the east wing. From the music room to the art room. From the restroom where he spent his evenings with Theo, to his room, where only memories inhabited the place.

It was past midnight and his eyes closed every step he took. The fatigue was not only emotional but also physical. That pain in his heart felt like a deadly disease. That pain consumed him from the inside until he literally left nothing but emptiness. His eyes were red, but no tears would come from them. It was in vain to cry, nothing would change. The pain wouldn’t go away.

 

Once again, he was in front of his door. The feeling of discomfort again echoed in his stomach. His eyes closed when his hand turned the knob, a thread of hope inside him leaned out. Praying that when he opened his eyes, everything would be normal, but once he opened them, the disappointment didn’t even bother to appear. It was obvious nothing would change.

His hand slid down the knob, closing the door behind his back. A sigh escaped his lips when his eyes closed again. His head landed forward and then knocked backwards with the door, with a slight but sufficient force to make the sound rumbled throughout the room.

He felt frustrated, he wondered if there was something he could have done to change what happened, but his heart answered no. Because while the heart wants what the heart wants, it also knows how to protect itself and is what Liam had been doing for a long time. Protecting himself from love, from feeling, from the fear of losing. And what was it worth?

 

A slight pressure on his back made him jump over his place, moving away from the door that would have been slow. Theo poked his face through the small space between the opening, surprised to see Liam there. _"I didn’t think you were here,"_ he whispered, going inside. His eyesight settled on the last two boxes on his bed. The last two boxes full of his belongings. Those two boxes represented the last chance they both had, but again, none would take the risk. For not knowing where to start.

 _"Don’t worry, pick up your things quietly. I'll leave you alone."_ Liam was surprised to hear that the tone of his voice was more demanding than he had imagined. He thought he would break, but for some reason, he stayed in his position. _"It's easier to leave without an annoying presence, isn’t it?"_

Theo's eyes rolled as he snorted, with heaviness. Was Liam calling him a coward? _"Some people have their own ways of dealing with their feelings."_ And it was ironic that one followed the other's game. Ironic that one called the other coward. _"Actually, some people decide to deal with their feelings."_ Because in a way, they were the same. Scared. _"But I don’t expect you to understand."_

Their eyes connected, as one of the many times. However, only in their eyes, there was only pain. Frustration. Fear. And love.  _"You don't know what you are talking about."_

 _"Of course I know. It's you who doesn’t even know."_ Theo spat with hatred, moving closer to the boxes. Taking them. Liam reached out to grab him by the shoulder. Forcing him to turn. However, he remained completely silent. Being unable to let go of the words that struggled out of his lips. _"That's the problem, Liam. You are not even able to express what you feel. You live surrounded by insecurity, with the constant fear of losing someone. And I get it because I’m scared as well but I try… You don’t. And that will only make you lost yourself but not letting someone help you in your search."_ And even if Liam tried to protest in vain, although Liam tried to prove Theo was wrong, even though he wasn’t, the words didn’t come out of his mouth either. And as simple as painful, Liam moved away. Releasing Theo, letting him go.

 

For years Liam had tried to convince himself that some things are inevitable, such as pain and disappointment. But behind every pain, there was happiness. Behind each cloud, there was a blue sky. Behind every disappointment, there was hope. And behind every broken heart, there was an opportunity waiting to resurface. But Liam had been depriving himself of that happiness. Of that opportunity, of that hope. Liam had been protecting himself, not noticing that only hurt him more. Because the pain was definitely inevitable. But so, it was life. And he needed to learn how to live with it. To stop running.

 

 _"I'm not the only one walking away”_ Theo muttered, head down. His feet slid from the corner of his bed to the door of the room. And without looking back, he walked out. Leaving.

 

And it was at the exact moment when Liam understood that there was only one way to end the pain in his heart. And it was to stop running away and try to do something about it. Fight it. Not forgetting but learning from his mistakes. Without trying to hide his past, living the present and looking for his future.

Turning something bad into something good.

Letting happiness enter his heart.

He’s been guarded long enough, but now he was ready.

 

 _"I can’t run anymore."_ He whispered to himself. And finally convinced by his own words, he firmly walked out of the room. Looking at Theo with his eyes while moving his feet. _"I won’t let you go!"_ He almost shouted, calling the attention of the blonde who turned, dropping the boxes. Letting them fall no matter if the objects inside them were broken. Trembling, Liam walked till he was in front of him. His eyes searched for Theo's, asking permission with his gaze. His hand travelled the path from his tie to his face. Touching his lips, he placed his arms around him. Fearful of taking a false step, but without overthinking much. _"I won’t lose you."_ And making a tribute to his words, he silent when his lips touched Theo's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been certainly struggling with writing this chapter. And I'm still not convinced by it, but I needed to update and make this chapter finally happen.
> 
> Please tell me, what did you think? I'll take any advice to improve my writing along the next chapters.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Have a nice day x


	16. A Feeling

Still, in a state of confusion, Liam decided to wait in the bathroom. The happiness that he felt when Theo asked for help, for whatever it was, was huge. But at the same time distrust was present. How had Theo come to decide to trust him? Days ago, he wouldn’t even have agreed to talk to him. But, nevertheless, he still had faith that something good would come out of that. What else could go wrong?

 

Minutes seemed eternal. Liam couldn’t stop looking at the clock on his wrist, feeling somewhat uncomfortable having to wait in a bathroom. His phone which didn’t stop ringing only made his nerves increase; Scott kept texting him, asking what the hell was happening. And if only Liam knew what to answer, he would have done it after the first message. However, he had no answer and his phone was turned off immediately after reaching almost fifty messages.

 

His foot tapped the floor repeatedly, at the same time he looked in the mirror. Practicing nervous expressions and excuses in case Theo asked what he was doing there, he leaned over the sink to wait. Suddenly the door had opened when Theo entered through it with an expression of pure weariness. _"I'm sorry it took too long! Thanks for waiting."_

His mouth opened slightly, surprised. A smile formed on his lips, not noticing he sighed when he saw his husband there. Not seeing Theo every day only made his love, as well as physical attraction, grow even more. _"What's happening? Is everything okay?"_ He asked, straightening to notice Theo frowned, confused. As he asked, Theo shrugged his shoulders without knowing exactly how to respond. _"You said you needed my help on something... What is it about?"_

 _"It's really hard to explain and I don’t think this is the right place... can you go to the Thompsons coffee-bar tomorrow? That one on the Columbus Avenue. There we can talk more calmly."_ And without knowing what else to answer, he nodded. Had Theo cited him in a bar? How would he even go? He was almost sure that his mother wouldn’t take him, much less let him go alone. _"A friend will take me."_ Then he said, answering the question Liam had not even asked aloud yet. _"I have to go now, but... we'll see each other tomorrow. And I’ll explain everything."_ And smiling, he opened the door. _"We’re about to leave, so wait a few more minutes so my mother doesn’t see you..."_ And saying that, Theo left the bathroom. Leaving Liam even more confused, but equally relieved.

 

Theo had come to him. And that only made his smile broaden more.

 

Minutes later, and after checking from the corner of the door that neither Theo nor Jessica were nearby, Liam finally left the bathroom. Facing the accusatory look of the receptionist which he completely understood. How long had he had been in the bathroom anyway? At least half an hour for sure.

When he got out to the parking lot, he was surprised not to see Scott outside as he had imagined. Had he really gone there? How did he know Jessica was out there? However, the excitement he felt at having had that strange but comforting conversation with Theo was too enthralled to let him think about anything else.

 

 _"I don’t know what to say,"_ Kira had said once Liam had called her when he got home. To his surprise, Scott wasn’t there either, nor did he answer his calls. _"How do you feel about it? What do you think he wants?"_

 _"It's the same thing that I've been asking myself. I don’t know what he wants, nor how to feel about it.”_ He replied with a sigh. _"I guess I'll find out tomorrow."_

And while they both continued talking until the night came, a new day was approaching. A day full of unknowns and hopefully some answers.

 

The next morning, when Theo woke up, the first thing he did was run to the bathroom, containing the vomit with one hand. His head was spinning, and his stomach roared with pain. His face looked pale and the circles under his eyes were more noticeable than usual. Not only did he feel sick, but he also looked sick.

After washing his face, he had to stand on the sink to avoid falling to the ground. Something wasn’t right, something didn’t feel right. A strange feeling ran through his stomach as if it were a bad sign of something bad about to happen. A feeling he would try to forget in vain.

_"I'll go out with Malia, she told me we could go to the movies together."_ Theo lied to his mother, trying to contain nausea after the breakfast. Upon hearing that, on Jessica's face, the expression of bewilderment passed to one of relief. Smiling immediately, she nodded. Pushing her son towards the door with advice on how to approach a girl whom Theo considered totally unnecessary, but at the same time necessary. If his mother having that idea in his head meant he would have more freedom…

When he knocked on the door of his neighbour, a forced smile appeared on his face. It was hard to explain the feeling that came every time he saw Malia. He trusted her as if she were an old friend, but at the same time, he distrusted her as if there was something that inspired him that distrust. _"Theo!"_ Malia greeted with surprise. _"What are you doing here?"_

 _"I have seen that your cousin left last night and hasn’t returned... and he has left the car. Do you think you can take me somewhere?”_ And the pleading expression Theo had manifested was more than enough for the first word to come out of the girl's mouth to be a yes, even if the least she wanted was to do him a favour. _"Great! I've arranged to meet someone."_

 _"A girl?"_ she asked, with some suspicion. But, however, Theo denied with a smile that he couldn’t decipher.

_"A friend."_

Because even if he didn’t remember him. Even if he didn’t know what was the exact relationship that he and Liam had, he was sure that his heart, confused and everything, wasn’t wrong. After all, Liam was his friend. Or at least he had to be since only that would explain what he felt.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

On his way to the coffee-bar, Liam never stopped trembling on his seat. Squeezing the wheel hard, humming the same song Theo had composed for their first anniversary, trying to find a distraction, although he couldn’t. It was minutes away from meeting Theo and the intrigue consumed him perhaps more than nerves.

Parking in front of the small old coffee-bar, the nerves began to decrease little by little. His heart rate stabilized forcing himself to find calm in patience. In wait. Even if it was impossible, he had to control his nerves. He couldn’t lose his temper ahead of time or ruin the only chance he had. That chance that had presented itself and he couldn’t let go.

 

When he got out of the car and walked to the building, he couldn’t help wondering who Theo's friend was, the one he had mentioned in the bathroom.

Theo had no friends, he had always been a lonely man, even if he sometimes tried to be sociable, loneliness was his best company. Who was he talking about then? Nor did he remember that Theo mentioned having friends during his adolescence, not after the incident with Scott that seemed to have happened much earlier than in the timeline in which Theo's subconscious was. And then, he couldn’t help but feel a certain fear. Concern.

His job was to take care of Theo, protect him from any harm. And the fact that they were separated, that Theo was at the mercy of anyone who could be a threat only made him feel more restless than usual.

 

The coffee-bar looked more worn than usual. He understood that the wear and tear were due to the passage of time and the little success it had to be surrounded by large companies like Starbucks, but still, it was melancholy. How would Theo feel when he entered that place and see how much it had changed?

No matter how hard he tried not to think about what Theo was probably feeling, it was impossible. And it was frustrating not being able to help. It was frustrating just to think without acting. But what could he do? The thinking wasn’t clear. And all the ideas he had planned on how to approach Theo were now useless since Theo had taken the first step, of which he was enormously grateful but at the same time...

 

"Here you are!" He suddenly heard that familiar voice. And he wasn’t ashamed to admit that hearing that tone of happiness in Theo’s voice again made his heart beat with equal or more happiness. When he raised his face, and saw him inches away, with a smile, he couldn’t contain the idiot's smile that he had tried so hard to hide in the few circumstances in which both had been present. "I must admit that this place is no longer what it was..." But no matter how hard he tried to hear, to pay attention to what he was saying, his eyes were focused on those of his beloved. Remembering with melancholy the shine that now struggled just to survive. "You're okay?"

And not knowing what to answer, he nodded. Rising from his seat, waiting for Theo to sit in front of him. "I'm glad you're here!" He smiled, making Theo blush without knowing why. "Where is your friend?" Then he asked, trying to hide the expression of discomfort he probably had. Theo shrugged, explaining that his friend had stayed in the car waiting.

 

As the minutes passed, the trust between them grew. The first coffee had been taken in silence. The first croissants were accompanied by smiles and the sandwich next to the juice were received by the question that Liam had been dying to do.

 

 _"Why did you want to see me?"_ He asked, lowering his gaze. _"I thought you didn’t trust me, I don’t understand."_

 _"I do not either, I don’t understand anything."_ He laughed without grace. Something still felt strange in the air _. "I don’t know if I should trust you, I really don’t know. But no matter how hard I try to distrust, there's something in you that just makes me trust."_

Liam gulped, keeping silent at the small explanation. He would be lying if he said that he hadn’t fought with all his strength not to smile or cry at the same time. _"What happens then, Theo? What do you need my help for?"_

And after seconds of equal silence, Theo finally took the pen drive out of his pocket. With insecurity and fear. _"I found this."_

 _"Tara?"_ Liam read aloud, not really understanding the situation. _"What is this?"_

 _"I don’t know. I don’t know any Tara, I think. But the name─ My mother had it hidden. Next to my phone, and I can’t just ask her why her attitude is too shady."_ His hand reached out to the pen drive, pulling it out of Liam's hand. Looking at it, the sensation appeared again in his stomach. _"There is something inside. My mother has hidden it for a reason... I need to know why, but I can’t do it alone. "_

 

When analyzing that device with his eyes, Liam had to admit that he also felt a strange feeling. He didn’t recognize the name, but he was sure he had heard it at least once in circumstances he couldn’t just remember. There was something in that name, Theo was right. But simply none of them knew what.

 

 _"I thought you had an old computer in your mother's house,"_ Liam said, not knowing why he still dodged the fact that Theo had turned to him. _"Doesn’t your friend have a computer?"_

And after that comment, Theo stepped back in his place. Feeling somehow, rejected. As if the fact that he had asked for help would have bothered Liam in some way. _"You're right,"_ he whispered, rising from his seat. He no longer felt comfortable and would even say that he felt somehow hurt. _"I'm sorry I bothered you."_

 

Because even if Liam was right, even if he could have borrowed Malia's computer, he didn’t. Even if he could have called his father knowing that he would probably be avoided, he didn’t either. Nor had he faced his mother as he should have. And maybe, it was for the simple fact that Theo needed to see him one more time. Without even having an explainable reason, he needed to see him. Talk to him. He needed to satisfy that feeling. Fill that void that only seemed to fill every time he remembered Liam’s name. He needed Liam and even if he had never found that pen drive, he knew he would probably have looked for some other excuse to do so.

 

But the damage was done. And without understanding why the rejection hurt more than it should, he was walking towards the exit when Liam got in his way, staring at him. Confused, and just as hurt.

_"Don’t be silly!"_ He said, feeling like an idiot, though maybe he was. _"You don’t bother me, of course not._ " And softening his tone and face, he smiled. _"You would never bother me, I just didn’t understand why you had come to me... but I'm glad you did."_ His hand rose, resting on Theo's shoulder. He wanted to hug him, but he knew it would be imprudent. _"I'm sorry, alright? I'll help you. I will, of course. I have a laptop in our ho─ in my house. If you want, we can go─ I mean I can go and pick it up and─"_

 _"I'd love to."_ He smiled, enthusiastically. Without knowing why the sadness he felt had vanished almost suddenly. Again, he felt at peace, just looking into Liam's eyes. _"Thank you."_

And Liam smiled as well. Nervous. But equally happy.

 

They were both standing, facing the exit. Grateful that the bar had almost no customers who came and went through that door every second. No one wanted to move away, break eye contact or stop smiling. Theo could feel an inexplicable connection, a peace that only a glance could convey.

 

_"Theo, your mother has called! She says we need to come back to take your meds."_

 

But knowing the luck they both had, that peace wouldn’t last long enough. Upon hearing that voice, Liam's smile completely disfigured. Hearing that voice behind his back, those heels. Smelling that scent. Feeling that presence. By turning around and not being able to believe what his eyes saw.

 

 _"Malia,"_ he whispered, incredulously.

Theo hurried to walk in front of Liam, placing an arm around Malia, who smiled proudly. _"Liam, this is my friend. The one I talked you about... she’s my neighbour. Malia."_

 

And little by little, the pieces fit together. He believed that nothing could get worse, but they did. And finally, that feeling, that discomfort that Theo had felt all day, made sense. Because as if it were a premonition, he understood that seeing in Liam’s eyes, that discomfort was predestined to happen.


	17. Memories

Talking about what happened didn’t make sense anymore. Liam and Theo had decided that keeping silence and leaving the conversation for another moment would be the best. In just days Theo would leave and the only thing they both wanted was to enjoy each other's company, without thinking about anything else. Without risking everything to one of his many absurd fights.

The ray of sunlight entered through the small slit of the changer room, barely illuminating the half-naked bodies. After swimming for more than an hour, Liam decided that it would be the best to study before he failed another test. Theo wanted to refuse, he wanted to spend more time with him, but he couldn’t be selfish. He couldn’t think only of what he wanted, not even if Liam wanted it too.  
  
_"I'll miss you,"_ he confessed shyly. Grateful to put on the shirt at the exact moment when the words came out of his mouth; Maybe the shirt hid his flushed cheeks. _"Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted..."_  
Liam denied, approaching him. Taking his hand from his newly fastened pants, brought it to the blonde’s face, caressing it with sweetness. _"Are you doubting? You can’t back out and stay. If you do, I won’t talk to you ever again."_  
 _"So, if I decide to stay, you will not talk to me?"_ Theo laughed, with some trepidation. The fact that Liam could ask him to stay would be exactly what he wanted. He was afraid to leave, afraid to follow his dream and realize he wasn’t good enough. That it wasn’t as he expected it to be. He wanted to run away.  
 _"I would never let you waste an opportunity like this."_ Liam smiled, lowering his eyes to his recently-placed shoes. _"You have dreamed about this for so long, that it doesn’t matter what I want; I would never let you waste your only opportunity."_ As he lifted his gaze, he placed a shy kiss on the blonde's lips. Smiling on them. _"Because, do you know what would make me happier than if you stayed?"_  
 _"What?"_  
 _"You, following your dream and being happy doing what makes you happy."_

And so, the day went on. Once Liam and Theo left the pool, both had opted to watch some movies before studying, scolding themselves for not being able to resist the impulse to be together.   
After the last movie finished, Liam sighed watching Theo sleep peacefully on his lap. His hand caressed Theo's hair fondly, while the other wiped away his tears before they could even roll down his cheeks. He knew it wouldn’t be the last time they would see each other, but he had become so used to Theo's presence that the thought of not having it only made everything around him collapse.

 

Years later, and just like before, Liam still felt that feeling of loneliness in the depths of his heart, which had never completely healed. The period that had gone by without Theo's presence had been devastating, and far from being used to it, it seemed to hurt even more than years ago.

Back then things weren’t so complicated. Both knew that they would meet again with time, but now the hope was less and less. Even if both were in some way or another still in touch, Liam couldn’t help feeling that the opportunities to get Theo back were getting smaller.

 

 _"So, she was there?"_ Kira's voice echoed through the speaker. Liam was leaning against his desk, unconcerned if anyone entered the gallery, knowing that the odds were almost nil. _"Malia Tate? What the hell was that bitch doing there?"_  
 _"I don’t know, but it's not a coincidence,"_ he replied, still with hatred in his voice _. "You know what was the most ironic thing? She acted as if she didn’t know me, and for just seconds I managed to follow her game... I thought I would explode and throw a glass of water over her head, so I left."_  
 _"Easy."_ Kira laughed from the other side of the line. There was fatigue in her voice. _"I know this gives you a bad thorn, just like it does to me. But you can’t lose your cool."_  
Liam knew Kira was right, but it wasn’t that simple. Not after what Malia had done. It wasn’t that simple not to lose his temper, not to fear that her closeness with Theo were more damaging than it already was. Not at all. _"I know. I will find out what she wants, and I will be subtle, I promise."_ After a couple of giggles followed by a long silence, Liam sighed _. "I miss you, and I know it's probably early in the morning in there, so I thank you so much that you still answer my calls."_  
It was impossible that both didn’t cry at that moment, Liam was emotional, and Kira had so much physical fatigue that she would cry for any situation due to lack of sleep. _"You're my best friend, even if I'm dying, you know I'll always be there for you."_  
 _"I love you, Kira."_ Liam sighed, closing his eyes.  
 _"I love you more."_ And after a long farewell, Liam hung up the call. Looking towards the painting that hung in the centre of the premises. He still remembered the day when Kira had practically forced him to paint that photograph she had taken of Theo and him holding hands.

 

That painting brought back many beautiful memories, but it was also almost stupid to waste time looking at it, looking for hope.  
Seeing it only made the love they both had only seemed just that, an ephemeral memory of something that would never come back.  
Thinking that there weren’t many options, he walked slowly ‘till he was in front of the painting, smiling with bitterness. His arm came up to it until he took it by the thread that bound it to the wall, tearing it with fury.   
The painting suddenly fell to the ground. The echo of the dry sound due to the impact made Liam swallow, leaving a tear to roll. Feeling helpless  
Nothing was more than just a memory. From the first kiss to their first time. From the first goodbye to their reunion. The fights and the reconciliations. From the proposal to the wedding. From the first to the last "I love you" he had heard Theo say.  
Nothing was a vivid feeling in his heart, but a simple and empty memory in his mind.

 

 _"Excuse me?"_ He suddenly heard, behind his back, forcing him to turn around. Feigning an almost painful smile, he approached the man who entered the gallery with an expression of total confusion, drying the few tears that still came out. _"Are you the owner? Liam Dunbar?"_  
 _"Yes, that's right. What can I do for you?"_ And then, he noticed. Almost miraculously, there was something in the young man's gaze that was so familiar. Those green eyes he had sworn to see before and that deep voice filled with a feeling that he recognized too much. _"You are…?"_  
 _"We've talked on the phone, I'm Derek Hale."_ And suddenly remembering the name of his most recent client, Liam nodded. Feeling relieved to know that he had somehow known that man, despite not being totally convinced why his eyes were familiar with just having spoken on the phone. _"I know that the estimated time would be up to two weeks, but I just thought about coming and─"_  
 _"Do not worry. I finished it just a few days ago."_ He smiled back, walking towards the small deposit in the back door.

The truth is that in the absence of Theo and the low demand, time was left over. In a way, he had been grateful to have something to distract himself in, even if by painting that portrait it aroused confused feelings of nostalgia inside him.  
Among the few coated paints, he recognized the one of his most recent client as if it radiated a special shine that differentiated it from the others. Perhaps, it was the extra affection that he had put without reason when painting it, or the feeling in his stomach, that feeling that that portrait should be perfect.

 

 _"The moles were the hardest part. There were too many."_ He smiled, carrying the portrait wrapped in brown paper, trying not to sound too reckless. _"Here you are."_ Seeing the package, Derek smiled nervously. _"Surely you saw the picture I sent before finishing it, but if you want you can open it right here to see if it is to your liking or if there is a change to make, anyway, I have more wrap in the deposit."_  
However, Derek denied. _"I'm sure it's perfect. Mieczyslaw would have loved it."_ He preferred in a certain way, to keep his reaction to himself and the loneliness that surrounded him. She didn’t think he was strong enough to see the face of his deceased husband and not break into tears in front of a total stranger. "We both relied on your talent and the passion you put in every painting." Derek's gaze then turned to the ring in Liam's hand, making him smile slightly. _"It’s a beautiful ring. Do you love your partner?"_ And after Liam nodding, surprised, Derek smiled again, but now with nostalgia and total honesty. _"The secret to a marriage working is to live each day as if it were the last. People change and sometimes it may seem that nothing is the same anymore but holding on to good memories is not the solution... the solution is not to cling to old memories, but to create new ones... live the present and be grateful to have a new day to live with the person you love."_ And as if that were the exact phrase Liam needed to hear, he trembled in its place. Nodding, while holding the crying. _"I'm sorry if I was too intrusive... I just needed to say those words I would have liked to hear when I still had the chance."_

 

And while Derek took the painting in his arms, after leaving the check on the desk, little by little he was backing away, walking towards the exit accompanied by Liam, who denied, smiling.

 

 _"It’s exactly what I needed to hear... I hope you can heal."_ Then he whispered, pointing with his eyes towards the painting.  
Derek nodded, a smile full of pain. He also hoped that, by hanging the painting, he could finally smile at his beloved's face once more and be able to say goodbye. _"That painting..."_ Derek whispered, turning to the painting on the floor. _"You should hang it, it's truly beautiful."_

 

Liam smiled, to minutes later, after seeing the young man leave, walk back to the painting. Watching it on the ground, where all his faith had been lying for seconds. Remembering his client's words, he managed to smile once more, lifting it into his arms. Hanging it again.

He understood that there were always ups and downs in life. He knew exactly that even if all his dark thoughts were screaming that he should give up, he couldn’t do it. If he no longer had hope, he would create hope. He wouldn’t leave Theo alone when he needed him the most.  
He could no longer live in the past, he had to live the present. He wouldn’t live in memories anymore, he would create new ones.

 

And taking the jacket that lay on his desk, keeping the check in his pocket, he tried to make sure the keys were still in his pocket. Closing the gallery in a hurry, he went to his car. Smiling from pure nervousness all the way.  
And even if the evening was approaching, it wasn’t too late yet. It would never be too late.   
Not after all they had lived. There would always be an opportunity.

 

 _"Here we go,"_ he whispered, seeking self-confidence once he had reached his destination. While leaving his car and starting to walk towards Jessica's house with total security, he kept repeating in his mind that everything would be fine. That nothing could go wrong and that even if it did, he would try again. Because he wouldn’t give up. He wouldn’t wait for new opportunities to come anymore, he would go for them.  
 _"What are you doing here?"_ Suddenly he heard Malia's annoying voice behind his back. Smiling, his steps were slowed down, turning to see her with total irony. " _Do you think is it right that you come here?"_  
 _"No, I don’t think it's right. At least not for you or Jessica. But do you know who it’s right for?"_ And smiling, even more, he walked forward. Staying face to face with the brunette. _"My husband and I. I really don’t know what you're doing here, Malia. But I can get an idea, and you know what? Let me tell you, it's not going to work. Theo might have lost his memories, but his feelings are still intact, and neither you, nor Jessica, nor anyone else will be able to fight it."_  
 _"But Liam, you don’t know what you're talking about. I─"_  
 _"Yes, I know, bitch. And believe me you, Jessica and I will have a long conversation, but not right now."_ And ignoring the comments of Malia, who was trying to stop him, Liam continued his way to the door, clutching his feet to the floor so he would not fall to his knees.

 

Of all the situations that had arisen on his mind, he had concluded that planning a game, a counterattack would only make him be at the same level of Jessica. And that was something he couldn’t let happen.  
Jessica wanted to play? She could play alone, Liam would be a better person. Because while Jessica was pulling her son away with her twisted plan, Theo would always find a way to go back to Liam. And that was something no one could stop. And Liam wouldn’t be the exception.

 

When he rang the bell, he waited nervously for the door to be opened. And once it was opened by the only person Liam wanted to see, he raised his hand. Lengthening it. _"Take my hand."_ He ordered, with a smile.   
Theo's expression had no price. His mouth parted in surprise, seeing his pale friend in front of his door, trembling for a reason he couldn’t understand. However, despite the confusion, he smiled with a joy that not even he could explain. _"What?"_ He asked, looking at the young man's hand. _"Liam? What are you doing here?"_  
Suddenly the heels echoed behind Theo when Jessica's voice appeared seconds later. In a tone of annoyance and scandal. _"What are you doing here?!"_ she asked, not hiding the resentment in her voice. Without even pretending to be nice in front of Theo, who, upon hearing his mother, didn’t hesitate to extend his hand. No matter how weird it would be to take the hand of another boy. _"Theo! What do you think you're doing?"_  
 _"Where are we going?"_ He suddenly asked, laughing. Liam smiled, taking Theo's hand tightly as they both started to run towards his old car, being observed by Malia and Jessica's shocked looks.   
_"Somewhere only we know."_

 

Because he knew that there was only one life. And it was too short to take no risks. Friendship was worth it. Love was worth it. Happiness was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter, which probably means I'm the only one who thinks it's a good chapter xD  
> Anyway, I think we had enough drama so a nice chapter (At least, a "nice" ending) was necessary. Liam finally made a step.
> 
> I hope you like it :D


	18. Where's My Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling to write these chapters a lot, lately. I even thought about taking a break, or just stop writing because of how hard it was to even concentrate, but then I looked up at your comments.
> 
> You put a smile on my face and soul. You make me want to continue with this story.   
> So, thank you guys. 
> 
> Thanks for all the support.  
> I know my story is not the best, but I really try to give you the best I can and I appreciate all the kudos, hits and comments.
> 
> I want to also thanks my best friend, Stacey.   
> Without her I couldn't even think about write this story. 
> 
> To Janna, Sofia and Val, I hope you like this chapter, x

_"Why did you do it?"_ The question came out of Theo's lips minutes after of getting into the old car. The breeze coming through the window accompanied the soft music of the radio that resounded throughout the vehicle. None spoke as if they didn’t know how to establish a conversation. Theo kept his arm out the window, staring at Liam’s side face, who was trying to concentrate on the road. _"I have fought so hard to gain my mother's trust, and suddenly you arrive and..."_

_ "You could have refused if you didn't want to come with me." _

_"The problem... is that I did wanted to."_ And the shy smile on Theo's face seemed to suddenly light up that dark day. " _It is difficult to understand, and even if we were─ are friends, this whole situation is still complicated for me, but even so, every time I think of you I feel calmer. And if having a moment of calm, in which I can feel free means having to do everything again with my mom, I think I can handle it."_

 

After that, Theo decided to remain silent before continuing to make a fool of himself. He had never expressed his feelings verbally. He had never been the kind of person who showed vulnerability in front of other people, but there was something in Liam that radiated that trust, that feeling of freedom. There was something about Liam that made Theo feel he could be himself. Even if he still didn’t know who he was.

 

Liam, on the other hand, tried not to look away from the road. The sunset was near, and the lighting was almost nil. He didn’t want to deviate from the road, but neither could he stop himself from turning his gaze on Theo. The love of his life, who looked for words to explain what he felt. To explain what he didn’t know he felt.

 

 _"Anyway, where are we going?"_ Theo quickly changed the subject, embarrassed. Certainly, Liam not saying a word was intimidating.

_"It's a surprise."_ Then Liam silenced all questions, turning to Theo. Looking at it directly for a few seconds. Seconds that were more than enough for Theo, far from finding that look intimidating to find peace in the honey-coloured eyes of his friend. For Theo to let be carried away, keeping silent. Without hiding the smile of curiosity, and strange rejoicing.

 

As the minutes passed, the road grew darker and darker. Theo peeked out the window, not recognizing where they were going, but not caring much. Seeing how the sun prepared to hide.

The landscape left him speechless. He didn’t remember travelling on a road like that before. He had never been surrounded by so much nature in his life, which he truly found an unforgettable experience.

 

_"And here we are."_ After long seconds, Liam finally whispered. Slowing down, to park slowly on the side of the road. Theo smiled in bewilderment, finding himself stranded in the middle of the road with no apparent destination. _"Look up there."_

And following the pointing finger, Theo moved his head until his eyes connected to the small hill covered with flowering trees he never thought he had seen. However, a strange sensation ran through his spine, while his feet walked by themselves to the top of the hill. _"I know this place,"_ he said, with a rapt smile. _"It's strange. I mean, I’ve never been here, but I feel I know this place."_

_"And it's because you do."_ Suddenly Liam spoke, from behind. Loading a huge basket that Theo supposed was in the trunk. _"It's our secret place. We discovered it a few years ago."_

_"Years?"_ He asked, with a smile of pure satisfaction. The fact that they had known each other for years was simply satisfying, and he didn’t know why. _"This place is beautiful."_

 

And it really was, the trees looked almost intact, considering that it was almost autumn. The flowers were of colours that he had never even imagined existed, and the aroma that they released was relaxing.

 

As they climbed, he could admire the lights of the city on the other side of the hill. Making that site only more and more spectacular.

_"Why did you bring me here?"_ He asked, turning to Liam, who was unfolding a crumpled tablecloth on the lawn. Theo frowned, worried about the insects that might be on the ground.

_ "I know your mother. And I know you. And from the moment I walked through that hospital door, I knew how difficult this would be for you. I try to convince myself that I know how you feel, but I can’t ... however, I can feel your impotence. The insecurity and terror you feel." _

_"Are you a psychic?"_ Theo teased, feeling somewhat uncomfortable at how well Liam seemed to know him _. "Or just a good friend?"_  
 _"I just thought a moment alone, where you could clear your mind would help,"_ Liam whispered, taking a seat next to Theo. Smiling.

_"And what better place than here, right?"_ Theo smiled, likewise. Grateful that someone finally seemed to understand, even a little by the situation in which he was. And even if Liam was right, if Theo needed a moment alone, the young man's company didn’t bother him at all.

 

Still staring at the beautiful view, Theo had not noticed that Liam had begun to carefully unpack each appetizer.

From rolls, and sandwiches, to a thermos full of coffee, next to two glass cups. To have had to improvise in a store on the way, Liam believed he got the essential.

_"Peanut Butter?"_ Theo asked, with some disgust at seeing the unlabeled jar Liam took out of the basket. But when opening it, the surprise was not minuscule.

_ "I know you hate butter, so I brought chocolate." _

_"And—"_ Theo stopped suddenly, licking the finger that had gone through the lid with traces of chocolate in it. A shuddering smile appeared on his face, then. _"And it's my favourite!"_ He exclaimed with surprise and joy.

 

That was, already, too much. He had never felt so good and only minutes had passed since they had arrived at the place. Barely and almost an hour since Liam had gone to his house. Only seconds since his heart began to beat so hard that it hurt.

How could Liam know him so well? It was scary but, in a way, nice. He liked to know that someone cared about him enough to consider every special detail for him.

 

Even if they were in the middle of nowhere, Theo felt strangely at home. Calm, and safe. The homey warmth that Liam exuded was surprisingly something he thought he had felt on more than one occasion. And far from feeling uncomfortable about being so comfortable, he didn’t seem to have anything against it. Even if he thought he would normally do it, it seemed that every feeling of discomfort had been left in the past.

 

Theo wasn’t even ashamed to admit that he felt comfortable. _"Thanks."_ He smiled, almost devouring the sandwich. Liam laughed lightly, giving small puffs to hers. _"I really appreciate everything you do. This, the pen drive thing... You’re really nice."_

_"It's my duty,"_ Liam confessed. After a silence, he explained what Theo didn’t dare to ask; _"When we first met, I was really lost. My parents had just died, and college was a whole new experience that terrified me. But... there you were. And it took a lot, but you helped me find my way, my happiness. You helped me find myself... And I want to do the same with you. I know that I will never be able to pay you back for everything you have done for me, but if there is a tiny hope of being able to return the favour, I really want to do it."_

 

It was true that Liam loved his husband like nothing else in the world, but helping Theo wasn’t due to their marriage. Liam was in debt to Theo, and even if his husband had never asked for anything in return, Liam knew that this was perhaps the way to help his soul mate. To help his best friend.

To help the human being that changed his life completely.

 

_"I’m sorry about your parents,”_ Theo said, saddened. _“Anyway… you said college..."_ he asked, slowly leaning back on the tablecloth, watching the stars begin to appear in the sky. _"Did I go to college?"_

_"Yes,"_ Liam replied, smiling because of the proud smile that appeared on Theo's face. _"And you were one of the best students, which guaranteed you to graduate with honours."_

Theo then frowned. Turning to Liam. _"That's bullshit, isn’t it?"_

_"Well, yes! We were both terrible!"_ Liam laughed along with Theo, who had certainly not believed that completely. _"But you're one of the smartest people I know, and I don't say it based on your academic knowledge, but, on the way, you get along in life. How you solve everything, no matter how impossible it seems. You're smart, determined, strong, kind... you're a real inspiration."_ But seeing the expression of discomfort, Liam bit his tongue. He was being too flattering and that probably caused the expression of discomfort in Theo. However, Theo had overlooked that, feeling uneasy that he couldn’t say anything nice in return, feeling bad for not knowing Liam as well as he seemed to know him. _"I'm sorry... that was weird."_

_ "Don’t worry, it takes more than flattery to freak me out." _

 

Theo could also feel some awkwardness in the air, but he didn’t want to say anything about it either. Then there appeared the questions without answers in his mind. Each and every one of the unknowns that had appeared since he had woken up in that hospital bed. He was dying to ask and clear up every doubt, but he didn’t know how or where to even begin.

He was impatient, and he believed that every second that passed without asking would be a lost opportunity he would never recover, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to ruin the harmony he felt with Liam. He wanted answers, but if he had to wait, even if he died to have them, he would.

 

_"It's getting cold,"_ Liam commented after long minutes of silence, rubbing his bare arms. He regretted not having brought a jacket with him. _"Do you want to go back to your house?"_

_"My mother must be waiting for me... but no, I don’t want to go back."_ The older confessed, honestly. He didn’t want to go home, nor did he want to get away from Liam. _"Can I stay at your place tonight?"_

Liam suddenly paled, not knowing how to refuse. He couldn’t let Theo go home, not yet. He didn’t know how he would react. _"I─"_

_"Don’t worry, I understand. I've been enough nuisance."_ Because even if he didn’t want to leave, he knew how close to the limit he could and should not go through. _"Can we go for a drink? One beer, at least! "_

But Liam denied quickly, beginning to store each half-finished appetizer back in the basket. _"You shouldn’t drink alcohol, besides... your mother would kill me."_

_"Well, then I won’t die alone tonight."_ Theo smiled, making Liam not able to resist that smile, smiling in the same way. Theo could feel a certain tension in the air, a feeling afloat that he couldn’t decipher. A feeling in his stomach that he only felt when he was or thought of Liam. Pleasant and strangely not annoying feeling at all. Little by little, he was getting closer until it was close enough so the aroma of peaches that Liam emanated flooded his nostrils. _"Please?"_

 

And then, Liam gulped. Knowing that, from the first day, he knew that smile had sworn to be his downfall.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_"Here you go, an alcohol-free beer."_ Liam smiled, placing the glass next to the French fries. Theo hadn’t hesitated to devour the hamburger as soon as he saw it. _"I see you haven’t waited for me..."_ he whispered pointing to the almost empty plate, comparing his which was still full.

_"I was hungry!"_ Theo smiled, gazing wryly at the beer. _"Alcohol-free? seriously?"_

_"You are my responsibility tonight."_ Liam smiled, sitting in front of him. Both were in a small almost empty bar, on the outskirts of the city. 80s sad music resonated all over the place while the woman behind the bar tried not to break into tears. _"This place is certainly depressing..."_

_"Well, any place that sells alcohol-free drink is."_ The older boy joked, giving it a sip. In fact, it tasted delicious, but it was something he wouldn’t admit. _"Are you going to look at me all night, or will you eat that burger? Because I can do it for you,”_ he murmured then, with his head down. He could feel Liam's eyes all over him.

Liam quickly looked away, feeling embarrassed. _"I'm not hungry, really."_

_"I wish I could say the same thing."_ He laughed, finishing the potatoes on his plate. His stomach felt ready to explode, but still, he looked with desire and guilt at the dish in front of him. " _About the pen drive... it would be great if you could lend me your laptop, but my mother would discover it, and I don’t want to give you the pen drive, I mean... I do trust you! But I want to be in the moment we discover what’s in it and I─ maybe we should keep seeing each other. I mean, we could see each other somewhere. You carry the laptop, and I the pen drive... of course, if you don’t mind continuing to help me and see my face very often."_

Liam laughed, ironically. _"It's something I could get used to."_ He was really touched, Theo had never changed. Behind that arrogant smile, there was still that shy and insecure boy he had fallen madly in love with.

 

The tension was then there, but Theo couldn’t understand why far from feeling uncomfortable, he still felt comfortable. As if the discomfort in his stomach was not a discomfort itself, but something else. Something that he had no problem in feeling, because of how good it felt. 

Like a tickle that ran from the tip of his feet to his head. That bristled his skin and put a big smile on his face.

 

_"It's just that, that name... Tara. I know it from somewhere! But I can’t remember"_  he mumbled, changing the subject. Liam nodded, understanding. It seemed familiar to him too, but he couldn’t remember where he had heard it. _"Don’t you remember if I ever met any Tara? Maybe a relative, a friend or a girlfriend, I don’t know. "_

But Liam denied _"We never talked much about your family, and your girlfriends were and are an issue that literally matters nothing to me."_ Liam murmured, not noticing the annoyance in his voice. _"I mean... I'm sorry, continue."_

_"It's just this emptiness, you know?"_ Theo continued, ignoring the annoyance that Liam had sounded. Slowly he got used to the strange random reactions his friend had from time to time. _"It's weird because I'm sure I've never experienced what love is, but still the emptiness I feel... it's as if only one person could fill it."_

 

And after drinking the last sip of beer, he turned his gaze to the pale Liam who kept silent with an expression of total nervousness. His gaze then settled on the ring in Liam's hand and the feeling of joy quickly turned into one of pure and unreasonable annoyance.

 

_"You are married?"_ He asked, almost affirming it with a coarse tone of voice. He didn’t even know why he was upset, but he wouldn’t think so much about it either. _"You know? I think it's time for me to go back home."_ He said looking at the clock on the wall, it was barely 10pm.

He wasn’t comfortable anymore. For some reason, he didn’t do it anymore. " _I─ Shit!"_ Liam murmured, looking at the screen of his phone, which had just turned on. Theo's curiosity was huge, but he didn’t want to ask. His mood had changed completely. _"It's my gallery's emergency alarm. I have to go now, but... first I should take you home."_

_"Don’t worry, I'll go with you. I'll take a taxi from there,"_ he whispered, feeling worried.

" _No, no. I'll take you first, your house is passing by."_

_"I said I'll go with you!"_ He demanded in a growl, almost with annoyance. _"Let's go to your gallery now, maybe the person who tried to break in is still there. Call the police in the meantime."_ He commanded with authority, leaving a couple of bills he had stolen from his mother, at the table as a tip. Liam only managed to follow him, surprised and at the same time, but also not so much, by the change of attitude of his husband.

 

After leaving, both went to the car that was resting near the road, with the lights still on. Liam knew that no one tried to break, but just an error. It wasn’t the first time that the emergency alarm sounded by mistake, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last either. He had promised Theo he would change it, but he had never done it and with recent events, he hadn’t had the head to think about anything else.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

All the way back to the city, they both kept silent, feeling the weird tension in the air. Although no one would talk about it, no matter how upset they felt about it.

Theo remained staring at the window, looking for a way to apologize for speaking to him in that demanding tone, but he didn’t even find a single word to start the sentence with.

 

When they arrived, the neighbours waited in the entrance of the gallery, with clear annoyance in their faces due to the annoying sound that didn’t stop sounding. However, the annoyance was replaced by confusion when they saw Theo getting out of the vehicle. After weeks of not seeing him there, they had even thought that maybe they had contracted a divorce.

 

_"You, stay here and don’t touch anything."_ Liam whispered, entering the gallery. Closing the door and reaching for a bat that Theo took in confusion, he went to the door that connected with his apartment, nervous to have Theo there. _"I'll go upstairs to deactivate the second alarm, I'll be right back."_ And walking towards the stairs, closing the doors behind him, Theo sighed, staying inside the gallery completely alone.

 

He felt certainly overwhelmed. The fact of knowing that the vibe between them had changed discouraged him in a certain way. He didn’t like feeling uncomfortable, much less thinking that Liam did too.

On the other hand, he felt some fear. A fear that couldn’t explain, nor find its origin. There was something in that place that made his nerves grow more than normal. Maybe it was the fact of being in that gallery, or the fact of being with Liam. Many sensations woke up inside him, and none had an explanation.

 

His feet moved like his eyes, all over the gallery. Seeing each painting hung, admiring the talent and passion that he could notice Liam put in each of his paintings. Each one was special, unique. Seeing them brought a sense of comfort, he felt truly connected to them, even if he couldn’t find something that would bind them to him, like a memory or something.

 

Turning on his feet, suddenly he saw the painting hanging badly on one of the walls near the desk. The same painting, he had seen the first time he had entered that gallery. Liam's hand interlaced with someone else's. A male hand, to be exact.

And the problem is that the discontent he felt inside wasn’t because Liam was holding the hand of a man, or that Liam had relationships with a man itself. It was the simple fact of knowing that Liam was married and that he had no idea who he was married with, or why that fact not only aroused curiosity but also annoyance. Who was that man? Did he know him? Would they get along? From the feeling in his stomach he could swear he didn’t, but then that wouldn’t make sense either. Why would he dislike someone he didn’t even know?

 

Again, there were those questions that never seemed to have answers, because if there were any, they only created more questions next.

 

Turning again on his feet, he spied the half-open door through which Liam had climbed a few moments ago. The curiosity to know what was behind it was gigantic; even if he knew that it was probably just a deposit, or some other room, he sensed something else.

All he wanted was answers, no matter how much he had to do to have them, he couldn’t stand being in uncertainty anymore.

 

His feet walked slowly, measuring each step. The bat in his hand reached out to the crack, opening with equal slowness the door that he prayed wouldn’t squeak. He couldn’t see beyond because of the darkness, but the darkness was not really an obstacle anymore. 

His feet rose on a step, as his heart quickened as another rose.

In the background, he could see a light. Another badly closed door, facing the upper floor.

 

Theo, nervous and ecstatic, sensed that at the end of the path, something would wait for him. Maybe a truth, maybe another question, but finally something revealing. _"Liam?"_ He whispered, entering carefully. Staying head down, he felt afraid, he wouldn’t deny it. He didn’t know what could be found there, and the fear of uncertainty was something he couldn’t avoid.

 

His eyes kept fixed on the ground, analyzing the carpet that grew larger as his feet moved deeper inside. A strange sensation ran through his spine as he slowly lifted his eyes and saw a sofa. He could swear he had been in there before.

His eyes moved slowly and carefully, analyzing every corner of the room. Each object awoke a sense of familiarity that he couldn’t understand, he would probably have already been in his friend's apartment, but nevertheless the feeling was different. Unlike the feeling he had witnessed when he returned to his mother's house, but the same feeling he had felt when he entered his old bedroom.

 

He could see some photographs in the distance, but his sight didn’t allow him to see beyond what he had inches away. He felt a slight twinge in his head that grew with every second that he remained in that place.

Spinning on his foot, his eyesight suddenly caught an old and grand piano in one of the corners of the living room, surrounded by the same flowers that he had seen on that hill, along with paintings that he could have sworn Liam had painted.

 

But then, walking towards the grand piano, a slight itch ran through his stomach, rising up his throat like vomit.

A hand went to the lid that covered the keys, lifting it gently. A smile formed on his lips when he saw the black and white keys that reminded him so much of his favorite object, which, of course, he couldn’t recognize as it, even if he had it in front of him.

 

A finger slid through one of the keys, leaving a thread of sound that made it smile even more. As if in a trance state, he quickly slid another finger, and another, and another. Forming a melody that he couldn’t recognize.

His eyes closed as his fingers slid freely, not caring if he was being reckless, or if Liam heard him. He was no longer fully aware of his actions, nor of the talent he possessed but never knew he had.

 

" _Theo!"_ Liam suddenly called, without being heard by the aforementioned. His eyes reflected the terror of seeing him there, and in his trembling, the nervousness of not knowing exactly what was happening, or how Theo would react. _"Theo..."_ he called again, approaching slowly.

 

The melody was definitely familiar, even if Theo couldn’t remember it, he knew he had heard it somewhere. But then, there was another question, how was Theo able to play a song he didn’t remember? How could he even play the piano when he had never done it in his life?

 

His eyes widened, stopping suddenly. His heart stopped when only the echo of the last interrupted note was heard in the background. Flashes ran through his mind so quickly that his brain could barely process so much new information.

After seconds, his body fell against the piano, holding on to it, totally stunned.

 

_"Theo!"_ Liam yelled, holding him by the waist. Preventing him from falling to the ground.

When Theo turned to Liam, he paled even more. Blinking quickly and confusion. _"Liam, I─, I remembered.”_ He suddenly whispered, still in shock.

Liam swallowed, retreating by inertia.  _"What did you say?"_ He asked, with fear.

And just as fearful, Theo sighed, bringing a hand to his head that throbbed painfully. _"I remembered."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Theo plays was "Where's My Love?" By SMYL.


	19. The Final Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halleloo, I'm back! After two weeks of trying to write this chapter, I finally made it!
> 
> I wanted to thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them. Anyway, I hope you like this xD have a nice day! x

Blinking slowly, Theo thought about every situation he had experienced throughout his life. Good or bad, his life was full of unforgettable experiences, some, unfortunately, indeed unforgettable.

His hand gently caressed Liam's hair, who rested on his chest, snoring lightly. It was almost 2 am and Theo still couldn’t get any sleep. That night would be his penultimate night in that university, to leave the next two days to his new institute. Far from finding peace in the advice of his friend, the nerves were only minor to the great fear he felt inside him every time he remembered that he would be alone again. Out of his comfort zone, away from the only person who gave him confidence and security.

 

Debating what was fair or unfair was just a waste of time, Theo knew well that in life happiness lasted only a tenth of the time, while the rest was divided into fury, disappointment, and pain. He knew very well that things wouldn’t change, and that if they did, the change wouldn’t last as long as he could even expect and seeing Liam sleeping peacefully next to his side was even worse.

The University of Arts of Chicago wasn’t just any building, for Theo that place was perhaps the only thing he had known as home. Regardless of whether his social skills weren’t as good as he wanted, regardless of not having had as many friends any other person would have had in his place, he had found comfort in the music. Music that he could only have developed thanks to that place. And although he might have feared at first, he was no longer afraid to admit that his life had got better since the day Liam appeared through that door.

Theo had found a place where he could be himself, where he would no longer hide or fear.

Theo had found hope.

But as he knew, nothing was forever, and if his place in that place wouldn’t last long, the time to leave had come and sooner than he would have liked.

 

Starting all over again was fearful. It wasn’t the first time he would do it, but that didn’t make him feel calmer. On the contrary, he feared even more. And not only because the fact he would be in a completely unknown place, but because he would be alone, again. Although he was used to loneliness since he met Liam that feeling of being used to something begun to disappear. Little by little Theo had to get used to company, to happiness. To feel something, he had never felt in his life.

To feel that emptiness in his life being filled by something he never thought existed, love. Love that he only knew from books and movies, but never got the chance to experience. Love that maybe was present for the first time Liam smiled at him.

 

He could trust that sometimes happiness didn’t depend on someone else, but on oneself. But, nevertheless, what once made sense, didn’t anymore. He was afraid to admit he needed Liam like a lung needs oxygen for a person to live because that would only mean one thing that he was totally terrified of even imagining.

How would he find his way when the only light that guided him would go out? Thanks to Liam he had found a light of his own inside of his heart, but all light needed an energy source and Liam was his. So, how would he leave without his heartbreaking once more? Because he knew that if his heart broke one more time, he would not be able to heal it again.

 

His eyes closed slowly as his thoughts continued to overwhelm him. But, despite being too tired, he didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to spend his last hours, unconscious when all he wanted was to be able to enjoy Liam’s company no matter if he was sleeping or not.

But then, and finally, his lips released the last breath and after hours of being awake, his eyes closed. The speed of his breathing slowed until it synchronized perfectly with Liam's as his arms surrounded the boy's body with strength, while a smile appeared on his face in dreams, while the night ended with the beginning of a new day. His last day there.

 

Upon awakening, a slight moan escaped his lips as his eyes didn’t cooperate in opening up, just like his body didn’t cooperate in getting out of bed. He could feel the coldness that the lack of Liam's body had left as he couldn’t feel his presence at his side.

With discomfort, his body managed to move, turning towards the wall and hitting his face with it. "Shit," he whispered reluctantly, finally opening his eyes. Blinking several times, he turned again on his back, looking towards the ceiling, fixedly.

Again he was at a crossroads. If he had barely been able to sleep due to his incessant thoughts, he was sure during the whole day he would be more than distracted looking for a way to enjoy his short stay when all he wanted to do was scream in despair.

 

Taking his cell phone, he huffed when he saw the hour. It was after 11 am and he couldn’t believe he had wasted so much time sleeping.

Without messages in his mailbox, for a moment he had wanted to call Liam, ask where he was, but he wouldn’t know if that would be appropriate. After all, he wouldn’t know how to approach the subject without sounding too demanding, especially when there was still the pending conversation, which none seemed to want to even think about, with the excuse of not wasting time...

But when the time was running out, would it come the time to discuss it?

 

When his body finally made the effort to move, Theo straightened on the bed, scanning every corner of the room with his eyes for some trace of the boy that said where he was, finding himself alone with a small piece of paper on his little table, scarcely crumpled.

By taking it and opening it, he immediately recognized Liam wrote it as he had never done much to improve his terrible handwriting; _"Study all day in the library.”_ and finishing reading the note, he sighed throwing the paper with a ball against the floor.

He didn’t want to sound selfish. He knew Liam had other priorities but did he really prefer to spend his last day studying instead of being with him?

 

The day, to his misfortune, progressed slowly as his headache gradually increased.

Without Liam's presence, or even Malia's, he didn’t really know what to do. He would normally not have even bothered to make new friends, but getting used to Liam's presence had destabilized his world completely. Now he depended on one person, and that was what he had feared the most in his life. But how to get rid of such dependence without hurting himself? Maybe the distance between them would eventually help, but it didn’t mean it would be less painful.

 

As the appetite worked its way, his feet crawled out of the campus, walking directly to the cafeteria. He needed a lot of coffee and a good sandwich, or maybe three.

Without even trying to fake a smile towards the people who greeted him, he went into the cafeteria, dragging the phone out of his pocket, dialing Liam's number. He would definitely need to talk before he left. He couldn't leave things that way. _"Hey, Kira! I want a loaded coffee, please."_ He ordered the young Asian woman, who kept looking at him nervously while writing down the order.

 

With the number still on the screen, he doubted whether he should call or not, no matter how much he wanted to do it, he was afraid to receive the answer he feared so much. And after several minutes, as he made his way to the only empty table with the order in his hand, he kept his eyes on his phone. Trying not to trip, his finger trembled on the green button, deciding whether to press it or not, when he finally did. Carrying the device to your ear, closing his eyes.

Sweating, he gulped, biting his lip and moving his leg incessantly, hoping that, after several beeps, Liam would finally answer. _"Hello?!"_ he heard on the other side of the line, his friend with a more agitated tone than usual.

 _"Lee? Are you okay?"_ He asked, confused. At the other side, Liam kept silence for several seconds, letting his agitated breathing was the only thing he heard. _"You sound agitated."_

 _"Oh, I'm just here… wit— Kira! We're studying in her room, and suddenly we saw a giant cockroach and— so we ran to kill it."_ But everything felt like shit when Theo sighed, seeing Kira from the other side of the cafeteria, working. Without taking her eyes off him. _"I have to go. Can we talk later?"_ But before Theo could even protest, the call ended leaving him with a bad taste in his mouth and an unpleasant sensation in his stomach. Why would Liam lie though?

 

His appetite had suddenly vanished, as it did the small desire he still felt to remain there. While he didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to stay either. Not when every corner reminded him that what he once had, would soon vanish. Not when was one of the main reasons that still kept them there was gone.

 

For the rest of the day, the little effort left in his body was extinguished as his exhaustive search for Liam failed without results after each attempt. Theo knew that if Liam had lied he would probably have had a good reason, and even if he felt a strange sense of annoyance, he wouldn’t let the feeling get in the way of facing the damn conversation once and for all.

Still, he felt annoyed anyway. He hated the lies, they reminded him of his suffocating childhood with his parents. Although he had found himself in situations in which he was forced to lie, he always preferred to hide the truth by keeping silent, before saying lies.

Why had Liam lied then? He knew he was not a liar. But as he tried not to think much, not to create absurd theories in his mind, he couldn’t help but distrust. Even when he knew he could trust him.

 

After not finding the boy anywhere, he knew there was only one place to go and all he could think about as he walked to Brett's room, was how not to lose his temper when his enemy opened the door. Would Liam be with him? After all, he never mentioned if they were still together and it was something that was upsetting him too much.

And certainly, his insecurity made him think that if Liam chose to be with Brett, he couldn’t blame him at all. It was true, he thought Brett was a jerk, that he wasn’t attractive or interesting, but Liam deserved better and maybe he wasn't just good enough for him.

Because he didn’t feel confident enough to be as confident as he tried to be all over those years and it was all because of Liam. Maybe it was because he cared about what Liam thought of him because he cared about Liam more than he would like to admit.

 

As he knocked on the door, he made sure to undo the fists he created in his hands. He didn’t want to hit Brett without a reason, even though he wanted to. But then, the seconds became minutes and he couldn’t even hear a sigh from the other side of the door. Would they have fallen asleep? But what could they have done to end up sleeping? He couldn’t help but remember how agitated Liam had sounded on the call, which made his jealousy increase. He could no longer think clearly. _"Open the door! I know you're in there!"_ Theo growled, knocking harder, but like the first time, there was no response.

His anger was about to make him lose control when suddenly a girl he couldn’t recognize approached with an expression of pure confusion. _"Hi!"_ She greeted, as Theo tried to vanish the desire of kill from his face. _"Are you looking for Brett?"_ the girl asked with a smile as if it wasn’t obvious enough. Brett didn’t have a roommate, so why else would he be knocking on his door? _"He’s not in his room."_

 _"No shit, Sherlock,"_ he whispered coldly, low enough so the girl wouldn’t hear. Holding back the urge to insult her. _"Do you know where he is? Do you know if by chance Liam Dunbar is with him?"_

And when the girl nodded, without wiping the smile from her face, Theo finally lost his temper. _"That’s his boyfriend. Isn’t he? Yes, a few moments ago I saw them heading towards the communal pool, which is strange because I thought it was closed.”_ And after a small silence, she continued with a funny smile, raising both eyebrows. _“I guess they needed privacy."_

 

But no matter what other words came out of the girl's mouth, Theo was no longer listening. The blonde boy just nodded, walking towards the communal pool, fuming. He still had to pack some things he had unpacked when Liam had confronted him, but he would have time after he talked to Liam and hopefully could hit Brett once and for all. Even if Brett was not the one to blame when it was Liam who was playing with both.

His steps were ridiculously long due to the little effort that his legs made to close after each swift step. His body and lungs without air asked him to stop, but his hurt and angry heart told him otherwise. His chest contracted with each breath he gave, while his nostrils opened as they never had. His hands had again become fists that pressed together, containing the anger of wanting to scream.

He didn’t understand why he was so enraged, even when he found out that Scott had kissed Malia hadn’t infuriated him in such a way. Why did Liam have to awaken new sensations in him? It was disconcerting.

 

When his hand slammed open the great door, his knees weakened, forcing him to lean against the doorframe, surprised that Brett hadn’t even flinched from the rumble. His eyes narrowed as he walked towards Brett who, on his back, seemed to converse with a young boy, who, although he couldn’t see his face, swore it was Liam.

It was then, when Brett's head went forward, kissing the young boy in front of him when Theo remembered the day Brett had kissed Liam. And that for him was enough reason for him to finally satiated his desire to punch Brett, taking him by the shoulder, while his fist went straight to his face, making his body to fall to the ground, almost next to the pool. _"What the hell do you think you’re doing?!"_ he heard the young boy's voice screamed, scared. His shoulders rose and fell as he tried to recover his calm, but it seemed impossible.

 _"Theo?"_ He suddenly heard his name behind him. Paling as he blinked rapidly, noticing that the boy in front of him was not Liam, he trembled on his place. _"What have you done?"_ he heard Liam's voice coming up behind him and as if a throbbing headache wasn’t bad enough, the terrible stomachache made his body bend in front of the pool, throwing his puke in it. Feeling sicker than ever.

He definitely felt guilty for the person who had to clean that water.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He had never been a violent person. Regardless of the violent impulses he sometimes felt, he had never allowed himself to lose his temper, so surprise and guilt consumed him.

 

His knees moved incessantly, as he tried not to look at Liam, who kept his hands around his waist, looking at him upset. _"Can you tell me what the hell that was all about? Why did you hit Brett that way? You've broken his nose!"_

But Theo still couldn’t look at him, without even knowing what to answer. Was had he been jealous? Yes. Was Brett so lousy he had always wanted to hit him? Of course, but he had never lost control that way. He didn’t understand, maybe it was the accumulated feelings that had gone off in an unpleasant way, but that wasn’t a good excuse either. _"A bit of plastic surgery wouldn’t hurt him. He should thank me."_ Theo joked, unfunny.

Liam rolled his eyes, sighing. _"Theo... What is it? I can feel there is something wrong."_ He asked, crouching down, looking at Theo who was sitting in what would soon cease to be his bed. _"I've never seen you that way... in your eyes, there was something different. You weren’t yourself. "_

"I know!" He sighed, exasperated. _"I don’t know what happened to me, I know I shouldn’t have acted like that, but I don’t know what happened. I cannot explain it... I just got upset when I heard you were with him instead of being with me.”_

 _"You have no reasons to be jealous, don’t you know that already?"_ And without being able to decipher the tone in which Liam had asked the question, he nodded shrugging. _“So what happened? For real."_

Theo, however, laughed with pure irony. Was Liam really serious? _"For real?"_ he asked, standing up quickly, pushing Liam back. _"The last thing I knew was that you were still together when you kissed me! You never wanted to talk about what was happening between us or what was happening between you and him, and you want me not to feel jealous nor insecure?!”_   Walking from one side to another, Theo tried not to sound too hard but the calm he had once had had completely vanished, he could no longer calm down, he needed to let go of the rage and pain he felt inside. _"Since we met, you've been my friend! Mine! How do you think I felt when you suddenly started dating him? When you were no longer mine. Suddenly, one day we kissed and you threw me out. The next day you came back with him but then you kissed me once again. And what pisses me off is that you keep fleeing from the conversation you know we must have. I'm really stranded in nothingness. You don’t talk, and when I try to do it, you decide it's better to leave the conversation for later. I'm leaving tomorrow! And instead of being with me, you spend my last day with Brett! With whom of course, you will be once I’m gone."_ His chest rose and fell as his voice broke after each word. As his body recoiled, his back hit the wall. _"And you know what's the worst?  I can’t blame you. You deserve better, and even if I think Brett is the worst scum, at least he'll be there for you when I won’t."_

 

His red eyes contracted, shedding the tears that he had tried so hard to hide. He had never liked someone like he liked Liam. He had never been as happy as he was with Liam, and remembering that he would be alone again made him no longer bear all that he had been carrying on his shoulders for so long. When he had finally found a person with whom he could forget everything bad, life hit him in that unfair way. Why couldn’t Theo follow his dream without losing Liam? Why couldn’t he have both? Why couldn’t he be happy without losing a part of him?

His hands lifted to stop Liam who was trying to get closer. He didn’t want to push him away, but he had no other choice, he could not come into physical contact without breaking in front of him. Theo knew he had to be strong even if he weren’t.

 

 _"I know you need to talk and believe me I need it too."_ Liam sighed, keeping his distance. "But it will not be at this time, not when you are in this state." His feet suddenly began to walk towards the door, opening it to leave, but turning before doing so. _"Take a shower and try to calm down, we'll talk when you're better."_ And leaving through it, Theo was again in total solitude, accompanied only by his infernal thoughts.

 

But no matter how hard Theo tried, he couldn’t feel calmer. Seeing Liam leave only made the pain in his stomach grow even more. Had Liam ignored everything Theo had said? He didn’t want to create theories of why Liam was so distant, but it was impossible when his insecurity was raging in his mind.

On the other hand, while Liam left the campus containing the anger that the frustration had left on his body, he tried to get as quickly as possible to his destination. He had to finish what he had started so everything could make sense, or else everything would have been in vain.

 

However, the surprises kept coming as a totally unexpected and ugly surprise hit Liam when he arrived the old building. _"Malia,"_ He whispered, tired. He didn’t expect to see her there. _"What are you doing here?"_

 _"I appreciate your invitation for tonight, really."_ The brunette smiled sarcastically. _"We need to talk, and it's better if we do it now, because once Theo is gone... things will be very different."_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

The evening was near. Theo waited in the room that soon would no longer be his anymore, with the last suitcase packed in a corner. It was strange to see what once used to be his safe space now completely empty, except of course, for Liam's few belongings.

The only thing he felt was pure nostalgia. He would definitely miss that place, but he knew that if he didn’t move on, he would only be stuck in memories that while happy, were just that. Memories. And if he had learned something in recent months, it was to live in the present.

 

Looking at the small screen of his phone, his body moved restlessly, waiting for the call or message that never came. Would he have to wait for Liam to return to the room? If he ever did. Should he wait for Liam to call or should he call him? It was ironic that Theo tried to be so demanding and confident, but at the same time was so cowardly when it came to Liam.

Seconds later, and as if it were a coincidence when Theo decided to dial the first number the incoming call came out afloat, making his heart jump.

Without hesitation, he accepted the call, carrying the phone to his ear, but without speaking. _"Hey."_ He heard Liam's voice from the other side of the line. He sounded different. A little off. _"I'm outside, can you come for a moment?"_

Nodding, without being seen, Theo quickly stood up, looking for his coat. _"Sure, I'll be there right away."_ And once Liam finished the call, Theo hurriedly put things out of place, trying to get out of the room without forgetting his keys or phone. He didn’t want to make Liam wait, but he didn’t want to leave without being sure everything was in place. Always a perfectionist.

 

As he walked through the corridors quickly, he could feel that feeling he hated so much. That feeling that told him that that might be the last time he would be walking through them.

As he passed by and saw each room, he could remember the first time he had seen them. Feeling so lost, he couldn’t believe that now he had found himself. And for that reason, he feared to lose himself again.

The memories hit his mind as he approached the exit of the campus, from his first real composition to the first sanction that almost led to his expulsion. Every moment had been worth it, and he didn’t regret anything. And it was there when he realized that, if he would even be apart from Liam, or if even Liam wouldn’t want anything with him, the important thing was the moments they both had. The happiness that Liam had brought to his life. The happiness and confidence that would always remain with him.

 

When the front door opened, the air hit his face. The air that predicted a big change.

In the distance he could see Liam leaning lightly on the big statue, shivering with cold. He was not wearing a coat, what showed how clueless he could be sometimes, one of Liam’s characteristics that had made him fall in love.

However, as he walked towards him suddenly a familiar voice stopped him. A voice that, although familiar, could not decipher who it belonged to. A voice that resonated even when It was just a whisper, trying not to be heard, without success. His feet turned around following the voice instinctively. Normally he would not have even thought about hearing someone else's conversation but there was something inside him that made him hear, no matter how reckless he was.

 

 _"I did everything you asked me to."_ He suddenly heard another familiar voice, which he recognized as Malia's. However, there was something strange in her voice, her tone was more serious and dark than normal and in the expression of her face, even in the dark, Theo could notice the discomfort she felt and the fear of being discovered while looking everywhere without discretion. _“I spoke to Liam this afternoon, but I don’t think I convinced him, it's like he refused to step back."_

 _"This is Theo's last night here, so believe me. We'll have more opportunities to separate them once they're separated."_ The other woman whispered. Theo couldn’t see her face because she was on her back, but he could swear he knew exactly who it was, even if her name didn’t want to appear in his mind. _“I trust you have done exactly what I have told you because this is the only opportunity we have right now."_

 

Steps suddenly caught his attention, at the same time that a gentle movement of the shoulder made him jump, clinging to the tree in which he was hiding. Seeing Liam there, he quickly recalled that his mission was to talk to him, instead of hearing other people's conversations, but he could not ignore the simple fact that Malia was talking to someone who obviously didn’t want him to be with Liam. But for what reasons? How did they even know that they both had a kind of relationship? He understood if Malia wanted to separate them, as she had always been a jealous and possessive girl, but who was the other woman and what were her reasons? Why did she sound so bossy and why did Malia look so scared?

 

 _"Theo!"_ Liam exclaimed in surprise and confusion, at which Theo continued to put a hand on his mouth, covering it. And while surprised, Liam tried to get rid of the hand of his friend, muttering things unintelligible, Theo turned quickly to where Malia was, to find that no one was there anymore, which made him wonder if it had been discovered watching them.

Disappointed, but just as confused, Theo released Liam, dragging him by the arm out of the campus. _"Walk!"_ He ordered, sorry to sound so bossy. Liam simply let himself be carried, not knowing how else to react.

 _"You're hurting me!"_ The boy exclaimed, finally being released. Rubbing his arm in pain, Liam raised an eyebrow at the beginning of the street where few cars were driving on the road.

 _“I’m sorry.”_ He apologized, looking at the empty street, the loneliness of it was almost as gloomy as the outside of the campus at night.

_"What are we doing here? Why were you hiding behind a tree?"_

_"That’s none of your business. We need to talk, and we will do it here. I'm tired of you trying to evade the subject, so we'll talk!”_ Theo ordered. _"And even if you don't want to talk, you'll hear me.”_

 

However, Liam smiled at Theo's demanding tone, which instead of intimidates him, made him think how cute he was. Even when he wanted to sound dominant, he would keep frowning like a spoiled child which only made him want to hug him.

 

Theo frowned even more but confused. Why was Liam smiling? _"We'll talk, but not here,"_ Liam whispered, taking Theo's hand gently, who stepped back, surprised by the touch. _"Come with me, please."_ And waiting for Theo to accept the grip, the older boy let himself go, confused. Letting his feet walk by themselves, not knowing where to go, but without complaining. He almost forgot how annoyed he was, feeling glad to be able to be with Liam again, holding hands. Something they had only done once while they slept.

 

On their way, Theo couldn’t stop looking at Liam out of the corner of his eye, not understanding how a boy so angelic and innocent could have noticed him. He hated feeling insecure, but he couldn’t help it. Liam was so special that he would feel that just by sharing the same room, he would end up breaking. But neither could he, nor did he want to get away. The toxicity of his thoughts and actions was as confusing as pleasurable.

Liam, on the other hand, was trying to contain the nervous smile. Praying that his hand didn’t sweat more than it already did.

 

As they approached what seemed to be their destiny, Theo could feel how tense Liam was getting when they heard the loud music that echoed in the distance. _"Damn it!"_ Liam whispered, annoyed. Theo confused, narrowed his eyes in the distance watching the old abandoned building that used to be part of the university, before its first remodeling.

 

Was there a party there? Why was Liam taking him to a party? Although judging by Liam’s tone, it seemed like he was upset about it. Has Liam’s plan to take him to a place alone to talk just been ruined?

 

 _"What's wrong?"_ He asked almost shouting when the music sounded too loud.

 _"Liam!"_ Suddenly a female voice was heard in the distance, while Kira ran towards them, nervous. _"I tried to keep them quiet ‘till you got back here, but I couldn’t make it!"_ The Asian girl commented, not even noticing Theo's presence at her side.

 _"Damn it!"_ Liam exclaimed again, turning to Theo, sadly. Releasing his hand, he sighed, raising them and plunging his face into them. _"Surprise?"_ He said, unsure. Theo blinked several times, not understanding the situation very well when he thought he did. Had Liam...? Had Liam organized a surprise party for him? _"Damn, everything has to go wrong!"_ He growled, not taking his hands from his face.

 _"Liam?"_ Theo called, confused. _"Did you... Did you do all this? For me?"_

 

Nodding with embarrassment, Liam raised his face. Showing how embarrassed he was that his plan had failed, completely flushed. Theo couldn’t help but smile, still feeling confused. Trying to assimilate everything.

How is it that Liam had organized him a surprise party? Then the truth came like a bucket of cold water.

Liam had been evading him lately! And the surprise party explained everything.

Liam had been busy evading him, to organize a surprise farewell party.

Liam had been avoiding him... because he cared. He cared!

 

 _"I'm sorry I lied to you! But I just wanted everything to be perfect, and unfortunately, I couldn’t be with you and organize this with Kira at the same time."_ He sighed, hitting his forehead with his hand. _"I’m stupid."_

 _"No, you're not!"_ Theo denied, stopping him. _“I am and I was right. I don’t deserve you.”_ He smiled as if nothing else mattered, looking at Liam in the eyes he could tell how much he loved and would miss him. He didn’t think it was possible to live without him. "You're the most special person I know in my life, Liam... and I cannot believe you, both of you did this for me!" He smiled, turning to Kira, in thanks. _"But, wait ... when I called you this afternoon, you sounded agitated and... then Brett... I thought you—"_

 _"I helped."_ He heard Brett's annoying voice behind him. When he turned around and saw the boy with his nose covered by a plaster, he couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. _"Liam needed help with heavy things, so I helped him. And even if you broke my nose, I'm still here helping."_

 _"I'm sorry about that. And thank you."_ Theo smiled sheepishly. _"I don’t know what to say."_

Liam then stretched out his hand, waiting for Theo to take it. _"Just come with me. Let's have fun."_

 

And without thinking, Theo nodded, taking it. That would be his last night there, and he realized that maybe, just maybe, the conversation had never been necessary. Sometimes actions were worth a thousand words, and if anything Theo was sure of, it was that Liam cared about him as much as he cared about Liam. And that was enough.

 

 

 

* * *

  

 

 

The party itself was something Theo would have never imagined. He had never seen so many people dance in his life. In fact, he had never seen most of those people, he didn’t know them at all.

But of course, everything had its explanation. Neither Liam nor Theo were sociable, so if they were limited to the people they socialized with on a daily basis, the party would be a depressing intimate evening for five people.

With the promise of free alcohol, Liam and Kira had managed to get more than a hundred people to attend, suggesting that they bring at least one bottle of alcohol with them as a farewell gift, which of course was a trap. Even if Kira had more than one job, her salary wouldn’t help much to buy alcohol, just as the nonexistent Liam’s salary would not even help to buy plastic cups. Luckily, people had attended, and hopefully, everyone seemed to have fun.

 

 _"I don’t know anyone here."_ Theo laughed, leaning on a table full of dust. He couldn’t believe that that dismal and abandoned building was now full of people dancing happily under millions of lights and electronic music at full volume. _"Who are these people?"_

 _"We needed a crowd, so we invited every person that crossed our path."_ Liam smiled, still looking embarrassed. _"I'm sorry you thought I was ignoring you, or that—"_

 _"Liam,"_ Theo interrupted, taking him by the chin. He wanted to kiss him, madly, but he didn’t know if it would be appropriate. Instead, he decided to hug him tightly, which he had wanted to do all day. _"I’m the one who needs to apologize. I should have never distrusted you. You really are the shiniest star of all."_

Liam accepted the hug, clinging to Theo without any intention of letting go. He really loved him as nothing else in the world, and the mere thought of letting him go devastated him, but he couldn’t be selfish to worry about what he wanted when he cared about Theo's happiness more than his. He couldn’t be selfish with the person he loved.

 

The rest of the night went on normally. For a moment both had forgotten all worry, concentrating on having fun, enjoying the company to each other. And even if none of them knew how to dance, they both tried between laughter and some other discreet hug. Both loved each other, but none seemed to find the right words to say it. Especially when they died for doing it but still didn’t knew how to take the next step.

 

 _"Can I borrow your boyfriend for a moment?"_ They both heard, surprised to see Lydia smile kindly in front of them. Theo blinked nervously, nodding, while Liam walked away with a smile, leaving them alone. _"Hey."_

 _"I didn’t think they’ve invited you!"_ Theo confessed, feeling stupid about his honesty. Lydia, however, laughed, hiding her pain. _"I'm sorry... for everything."_

_"Do not worry, instead of enjoying the experience, I just became toxic and let it get the worst out of me so it was my fault."_

_"You are an extraordinary violinist, maybe one of the best I've heard in my life. And that you have not applied, it’s not the end of the world.”_ Lydia smiled, wiping the tear that rolled down her cheek without warning. _“It’s not about how important the orchestra is, but about the music. And I know you got the music in you.”_

 _"I know I was a bitch with you, so I apologize for it,"_ Lydia said honestly. _"I also— want you to know, I don’t hate you nor envy you at all. I'm proud of you, you really deserve it."_

 _"After all, did you get attached to working with me?"_ Theo joked, smiling. Lydia nodded, shy.

_"I did. And I thank you because now I know instead of being so insecure and competitive, I need to be and let myself enjoy the experience and try again if I fail. Maybe I haven’t have applied in the most important orchestra in Chicago, but it’s neither the first nor the last in the world."_

 

Theo sighed, nodding. He felt a bit of guilt. Lydia deserved to have won a place in the orchestra, and perhaps his position would have to be hers. He felt guilty about not feeling as excited as other people would do it in his place, so he knew he should have to start being more grateful and undoing the bad thoughts from his mind no matter how difficult it was.

 

 _"We'll really miss you, Raeken,"_ Lydia whispered, giving him a hug that surprised both of them. _"Please take care of yourself, and make us feel more proud than we already are. Represent us well and kick their asses."_

 _"I will,"_ Theo whispered in a thin voice. He never imagined that Lydia was a person with feelings, but he was glad to know that she was and they were finally in peace. _"You too. And never give up.”_

 _"Oh, please. I'm Lydia Martin. I never give up."_ The redhead laughed, looking for Liam with her eyes. _"Now go back with your boyfriend who I have to say is a way better choice than it was Malia._ ” And saying goodbye with a look of total cordiality, both walked in the opposite direction.

 

Theo was happy to have witnessed the humanity that Lydia rarely demonstrated, wishing he had known it before. However, happiness was not the only sensation present. He couldn’t help remembering the conversation he had heard Malia have with that strange woman. He didn’t want to think about it but he would definitely need to get rid of doubts and prevent Liam from whatever was about to happen.

 

 _"How did that go?"_ Liam asked pointing at Lydia’s with his eyes while sniffing with distaste a plastic cup filled with a drink he didn’t recognize. _"As much as I try, I still can’t even tolerate the smell of alcohol."_

 _"I think that is actually pee. I've seen a guy peeing on one of them."_ Theo lied, letting out a big laugh when Liam threw the cup in the distance splashing two people who didn’t even flinch while dancing. _"It was a joke they are peeing outside the building."_

 _"You're an idiot."_ Liam laughed, still approaching with disgust. _"Are you okay?"_

Theo nodded with a smile of insecurity, not knowing how to really feel. On the one hand, he couldn’t stop smiling thanks to Liam's actions, but on the other he felt an idiot for what he had done during the day, being persecuted by the feeling of displeasure that the conversation that Malia had aroused in him. _"Have you talked to Malia lately?"_ he asked suddenly, erasing Liam’s smile, who stepped back.

 _"The least I'd imagine_ is _you asking me about her."_ Liam laughed, amazed. But he couldn’t judge Theo either when he had practically carried the discomfort of thinking that he and Brett still had something. It was a price he had to pay. _"I talked to her this afternoon, why?"_

Liam could feel that something else was happening. He could feel that Theo was worried about something, but he didn’t know what or why. _"Did she say something to you?"_ Theo asked, making Liam deny. What they had both talked about was something he preferred not to bring to their actual conversation, not to worry Theo nor ruin their night. After all, he had downplayed it and would continue to do so.

 _"Nothing important."_ Liam lied, moving closer and placing his arms around Theo's shoulders. The music began to change slowly to the surprise of Theo, who smiled without believing that his piece of music was playing throughout the building. _"I've had someone to record your presentation,"_ he confessed, placing one hand on Theo’s waist. _"You were not planning on leaving, without dancing with me, were you?"_

Theo denied, placing his arm on Liam's shoulder as they both began to move inexperienced but with total love and dedication. No one could believe what was happening, witness that moment. Experiencing that magic feeling in the air. And it was at the moment they looked into each other's eyes, that they both smiled. Feeling the world around them disappear.

It was at that important and revealing moment. At that intimate moment when it was enough for Theo and Liam to know that no matter what happened, nothing would separate them. Never. Not even the distance.

 

Theo slowly approached his face, asking for permission to cut the small distance between them. Liam, captivated by the seductive look and full pinky lips of the blonde, was cutting the distance in the same way, not wanting to close his eyes, but doing it at the same time in which Theo did.

As they moved slowly on their places, at only centimeters away, they could both feel each other's breath on their faces. The ravishing perfume of both flooding their nostrils and the tingling that close proximity caused in every inch of their skins. Theo's lips semi-opened, ready to receive in his mouth the kiss that had waited so long in the day when the distance seemed to grow larger and the hug that joined him to Liam was broken, as he was being torn apart from him.

 

 _"They're here!"_ He heard Kira say, and that was when the fantasy broke and they could both witness the crazed crowd, running away as the music was silenced by police sirens. Liam bit his lip angrily, taking Theo by the hand as he began to run to the opposite side of the crowd, to the second floor.

 _"What are you doing?! We must get out of here!"_ Theo shouted, surprised that the police were there and Liam was trying to hide instead of run. If they were caught, both could say goodbye to their places in their respective universities, and as much as he wanted to stay with Liam, losing his scholarship was something that was not at all attractive to look at. Liam, however, was silent and calm, as if he knew exactly what to do. _"Where are we going?"_ He asked when they both stopped on one of the balconies overlooking the courtyard. Liam walked towards the big dirty window, laughing when he saw the crowd flee in terror while the police didn’t even make the effort to run after them.

 _"Planning this party was harder than we thought,"_ Liam commented, turning to Theo. Walking towards him slowly _. "The truth is that neither Kira's salary was enough to rent a place for the party or even to buy drinks."_ Theo nodded, not understanding where he wanted to go, but nevertheless, he only listened, attentively, while Liam stretched out a once more his hand. When taking it with insecurity, the youngest boy smiled beginning to walk towards the stairs that took to the third floor and thus successively until arriving at the terrace, without stopping relating every part of its plan. _"While we were looking for a place, we came across this and knowing that, although it was forbidden to even enter the property, we decided to take the risk. Trusting that we would not be caught."_

Theo laughed, ironically. _"The plan has worked wonders."_ He joked sarcastically, to which Liam nodded.

 

Liam laughed again, nodding while started to explain the whole situation. Those were not even cops. They were strippers that worked in the same nightclub where Kira works. The patrols were nothing more than ordinary cars with a light they had bought from Amazon and a false alarm they had simply connected to their speakers. In the darkness and terror of being discovered, no one had stopped to look at the details.

 

_"We needed a place, we needed people. And once we got them, we needed a way to get rid of people before things got out of control. But don't worry, we'll clean the place before anyone notices."_

_"So you hired fake cops?"_ Theo asked, thoughtful. He wanted to laugh. _“You guys are so extra. But why make a party to end it just hours later though?”_

 _"We wanted to make something everyone would remember. And what’s best that the police?”_ Liam smiled once they both stopped at roof’s door. _“But who said the party was over yet?"_ Liam asked, raising an eyebrow. He could barely see Theo due to the darkness.

 

Theo knew there was something that didn’t make much sense. Liam was not a lover of the classic parties, so to see him so excited about a place with alcoholic people dancing to the rhythm of electronic music was more than rare. But nevertheless, and when the door opened his jaw dropped to the ground. Surprised.

In front of him, there was a large blanket on the ground, accompanied by petals of roses that flew low thanks to the light wind. Baskets of food and other objects like a battery-powered music player adorned the place next to the candles that for obvious reasons remained off. That was a scene that he had definitely only seen in movies.

 

 _"You did all this?"_ Theo asked, surprised. He wanted to hug Liam tightly, but he still couldn’t get out of shock.

 _"Well, Kira did."_ Liam laughed, walking towards the blanket and sitting on it. _"She is obsessed with romantic movies so she believed that this would be... an adequate place for us to talk."_ The blonde boy nodded, still standing. He could see the lights of the main campus and the lights of the town in the distance. The stars and the moonlight were the only things that illuminated the site which made it even more intimate. _"Now, I told her the candles wouldn’t light, but she didn’t want to listen— anyway. You think this is too much. Don’t you?”_   Liam asked, distressed. What Theo thought was really important for him.

 _"I think I'm in love."_ Theo giggled, taking a seat in front of him. Given the insecurity in Liam's eyes at what was said, Theo denied, confirming his feelings. _"I don’t think. I know I am in love."_

 

The silence then reigned between them, leaving only the breeze of the air to resonate through the site. Liam smiled, looking away, not knowing how to start talking. Even when the air was cold, the nerves and the feeling of being next to Theo made his body burn.

His arms lengthened, while his hands took those of Theo, caressing them. Still smiling, he nodded with emotion in his eyes. He had never felt that way and it was certainly intimidating. Like Theo, who also didn’t find the words he needed to start talking which was ironic considering that all day he had died for having that stupid conversation.

_"The day my parents died, I thought I would never feel happiness again."_ Liam began, in a faint whisper. He didn’t want to break when mentioning his parents, but it was impossible not to. _"I always wanted to feel what they felt for each other, because even so when they were together, somehow I could feel that love and be happy, you know? And that's why when they died, I thought I wouldn’t be happy anymore. Because I had never experienced love in my own way, so I thought I would never know how it would feel.”_ His body gave slight tremors of total nervousness, just as his heart was beating like it never had. His jaw trembled as did his hands during every word that came from his lips. _"But then I met you. And somehow, you managed to get into my life, you made me see that happiness is always present, you just have to know how to see it. "_

 _"I did that?"_ Theo interrupted, with equal nervousness. Even he was not able to see happiness if it was not through his friend's company, so he didn't know how he would do once he would be away from him.

 _"You did.”_ Liam smiled. _“When I lost my parents, everything became more difficult. When I knew that the feeling in my heart was greater than everything I had ever felt, I knew that I had to get away from you, because I knew that eventually, this would happen. I knew that the day I would lose you would come."_ The boy confessed, no longer feeling sad about it. _"But it was impossible, it was like swimming against the current because it was already too late. I was so hopelessly in love that I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be without you. You went so deep into my heart I just couldn’t see that even without you I could still be happy... But now I do. Now I know."_ Theo sighed, a little hurt and confused. That suddenly had taken a different direction to what he imagined. _"And that's when I knew I loved you. Because even if you were not with me, just knowing that you were happy would still make me happy. I learned that even when you don’t have it all, you can still have it all. With you being my friend, I learned to see life in a different way. Losing you made me panic, but then I realized that if I had to let you go so you could be happy, then I would. Sometimes you have to let go what you love, to be happy. To do the right thing."_

 

Understanding, Theo nodded with a smile on his face. In his life, he had never felt what true love was, what real happiness was. However, that changed since the day Liam entered their room’s door since he had woken up that day feeling that everything was about to change.

Being a lonely child, he hadn’t managed to feel what every child should feel during their childhood. Being used only because of his family’s social status, Theo had never managed to feel confident and secure, especially when he couldn’t even feel his parents cared about him when all they would do was to spend their entire days working, to fight once they were back at home.

_"When people began to leave me, little by little I began to get used to it. I told myself that it was only a phase. That everything would change, but when things continued the same, I lost hope."_ Theo confessed, with nostalgia. He no longer knew if he was trembling because of the cold or the feeling of exposing his feelings with total freedom. _"My home no longer felt like one. I didn’t even feel lonely because to feel lonely I should have had company first, and I never really had it. Until I met the music."_

 

But even when he found himself thanks to music, he still felt empty.

 

 _"Everything changed then. Especially since I met Malia,"_ he said, feeling a sense of discomfort as he remembered the brunette once again _. "She may be crazy, but thanks to her I made my first friends here. Although of course, I ended up pushing them away from me, thanks to her I was somewhat happy, for a while."_

Liam smiled, feeling glad to know that not everything had always been dark for his friend. He knew that his past had been difficult, so to see that Theo had clung to music to not give up was something that gave him equal hope. He even felt grateful to Malia, in a certain way.

But even when Theo had discovered music and started dating Malia, he couldn’t feel fully happy. He started wondering then if there was such a thing as the true love and happiness as the books described it because he had never felt the sensation he was supposed to feel.  He had even wondered if there was something wrong with him, but it was not fair to blame himself for something he didn’t even know whether he had done or not.

So it was then when everything changed. When Liam came into his life, and again loneliness was defeated, only that time it was different. The loneliness had completely vanished, and in its place, there was a sensation that he didn’t know, but it was too pleasant.

 

 _"When I met you, everything changed. Suddenly, I couldn’t be away from you, because it hurt and that scared me. Never in my life, I had felt so comfortable with someone, and as much as it might have seemed, the fact of feeling comfortable with you, a boy, it wasn’t the issue. The point was that I had never felt... happy before."_ A big smile formed on the face of the blond, who had the urge to rush and hug the boy in front of him. There were no more doubts when Theo could understand the feeling in his heart. _"Getting away from you is difficult, because... I love you. I just do it."_

 

And when the words finally came out, Theo could feel the invisible weight of his shoulders simply disappear as if by magic. Silence surrounded them again, but it was no longer an awkward silence, but a necessary one. Everything that had to be said had finally been said.

 

 _"As much as it hurts to let you go, I will,"_ Liam whispered, stroking Theo’s cheek. _"Because I know we'll find a way to be together, and when we do, nothing will separate us."_

Slowly approaching to Liam's face, without losing time Theo rushed to kiss his friend's lips, with pure love. _“As much as it hurts to leave, it doesn’t hurt to feel what love is,"_ Theo whispered, looking at Liam’s eyes. _“I love you.”_

 _"I love you too,"_ Liam said, touching every inch of Theo's now naked skin with affection and dedication. _"And I always will."_

  

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When the next day came, the birds singing along with the cold breeze that hit the naked bodies that sought warmth in their hug woke them up. The light of the sun that began to appear made them close their eyes immediately, being almost blinded by it. The music still sounded in a loop in a low volume.

None could feel happier, even when the day had finally come, they both knew that nothing would separate them. _"Good morning."_ Liam smiled, kissing Theo's lips, who reciprocated the kiss quickly. _"What time do you have to be there?"_

 _"As soon as possible, sadly. The traffic is terrible in the morning and I can’t miss the tour."_ Theo sighed, distressed. He didn’t want to part with Liam, but it was time to do it. _"Could you come with me to the bus station? I know it's too much to ask, but I’d really want you to be with me as much as possible."_

 _"Of course I will."_ Liam nodded, straightening lazily. The cold floor was certainly too uncomfortable, his whole body ached. _"Are you okay?"_ He laughed, seeing Theo's expression as he sat on the floor. _"Does it... hurt?"_

 _“Just a reminder that happiness hurts."_ He joked in the same way, trying to hide the pain. " _We’d better leave now. We need a shower."_

Liam agreed, standing up as he searched for their clothes which were scattered on all sides. His bare skin bristled when he made full contact with the cold, making him tremble quickly, laughing. _"Yes, let’s go before we get a cold."_

 

And once they were both dressed, Liam proceeded to store everything back in the basket to go down to the ground floor again. Both smiled when they saw how the place was perfectly ordered as if nothing had happened.

 

Liam was grateful to have a friend as special as Kira and a person as good as Brett, whom luckily he could call a friend, after all. _"I owe Kira my life,"_ Liam said hugging Theo sideways, as they both started walking toward the exit. _“And you another apologize to Brett.”_

 _"I don’t regret anything."_ Theo joked as the path grew shorter and shorter and both entered the campus, trying not to be caught by anyone.

 

As the hours passed, it was inevitable that both felt nostalgic to know that the moment had come. But nevertheless, none felt sadness, only hope.

A change had come to their lives, and none would miss it.

 

Walking through the residence was no longer synonymous with sadness. No one would cry about it. There were still millions of adventures to live and both had hope that they would live them together, and once they did, nothing would separate them. Because while both had been looking for a good reason to have hope, now they had found a million reasons not to lose it.

 

And as the bus approached, the last hug started a new story. Full of unknowns and adventures that both would have to go through. A new story that would be only a reminder that to achieve happiness, first there has to defeat every obstacle, with hope and love.

 

 _"Goodbye, Liam Dunbar."_ Theo smiled, as his feet climbed each step of the bus.

_"Till we see each other again, Theo Raeken."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: "The Final Ride" by Thalles.


	20. Let It All Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello! After almost a month later, I'm back with a new chapter, but also with a short message.
> 
> I, first, want to apologize for literally disappearing and not updating this story in a while. I'm not really a person who likes to make up excuses for everything, but these have been rough times. With school and problems at home, it was hard for me to even think about writing a sentence. It was hard to get up, grab my laptop and tell myself "You need to write!" and writing this chapter, really did took a long time. But it's finally here, and again, I apologize if this chapter it's not what you wanted, just know that I tried my best.
> 
> Also, I'm kind of done with the flashbacks chapters, I want to focus more on the present and in the whole situation is going on right now, so you can expect to find out soon.  
> I'll try to update more often, but if I'm not able to do it, please remember that it's not my fault and it is not on my intentions to cancel it.
> 
> I hope you like it, have a nice day!

  ** _From the first moment they accepted their feelings, both knew it wouldn’t be easy. It was known that nothing good was._**

**_From the first moment, they knew they would have to fight. To get ready, to finally understand that it would be in vain because no one would ever be fully ready for what would come, the obstacles that life would put them in the middle._ **

**_Life was difficult, they knew it. Sometimes, it could even seem impossible but even when they were submerged in a deep ocean, they’d find a way to swim to the surface. To escape the darkness and go to the light._ **

**_Even when the easiest way seemed to be to give up, when surrendering was only a step away, they would always step back._ **

 

The light breeze came through the half-open window, which let in the faint moonlight covered by clouds to the dark, silent room. Everything remained as it had been moments ago; the piano with some broken keys, the objects around it were scattered on the floor, the little table poorly arranged around the carpet and the cup of tea already cold half finished.

The silence was only accompanied by the uneasy breaths of Liam and Theo, who kept their eyes lost in the eyes of the other, enjoying the harmony they only felt when they were together, about to end.

Liam was sitting on the chair that surrounded the end of the breakfast table, next to Theo, who was still trying not to shed tears of frustration. Keeping their hands intertwined.

 

 _"It's time."_ Liam had whispered, in a lamenting tone. Theo was simply listening to his friend’s voice, feeling each word hurt more than a thousand stabs. _"She's waiting outside."_

 _"You know that once I leave, she won’t let us be together, right?"_ Theo asked, feeling the lump in his throat take away the little air he was still struggling to reach his lungs.

 

**_But, how could someone still stand after being pushed to stumble so many times?_ **

 

 _"We'll find a way."_ Liam smiled, trying to find calm in Theo's sweet but desolate gaze. The beautiful golden eyes that had once shone with happiness now looked evicted.

 

**_How to find the exit of something that had just begun? How to end something that might not have an end? Was it really worth fighting if during the fight, the wear and tear would just increase? How to see the rainbow through the dark clouds?_ **

****

_"We always do."_

 

**_How to make sense of what didn't have it? How to be strong?_ **

**_Surrendering was not an option, but resisting was difficult._ **

**_How to find the answer when the pain blinded them enough to keep them from seeing the truth in front of their eyes?_ **

**_Together, the fights seemed less difficult. From the union, the strength would be born. And from love, the illusion. The hope._ **

**_But how to resist together if life itself seemed determined to separate them?_ **

 

 _"Giving up has never been an option."_ Theo nodded, once he had stood up. His lower lip trembled even more, but he wouldn’t cry. There would be time to mourn if they'd lose the battle they knew, they had everything needed to win. _"Liam, I_ ** _―_** _"_

 _"I know."_ Liam smiled, hugging Theo. He knew there was a large percentage that could be the last hug he could give him in a good time. _"Stay strong.”_

 

And at those words, the hug was breaking and the harmony that surrounded them gradually disappeared after every Theo’s step to the exit.

For Theo, leaving was a sign that things would change drastically, and he didn’t think he was ready for that. On the other hand, for Liam, seeing him leave meant the inevitable beginning of a difficult battle that wouldn’t end well, at least for more than one person.

 

****

****

* * *

 

****

****

****

Since he had woken up in the early morning, he could feel something different, something out of the ordinary. There was something different, and Theo could feel it in every part of his body, in every corner of his heart, in every inch of his skin. There was something inside his thoughts that far from silencing them, increased them making him ask repeatedly what was going on?

 

When his eyes opened, his heart froze for a moment, stifling a gasp of fear and surprise. _"Mom?"_ He called while blinking, seeing the female silhouette in the darkness. As his vision cleared, the confusion increased. What time was it? Still, not enough light came through the window, so he couldn’t decipher if it was early morning or simply the weather wasn’t the best that day. _"What's wrong?"_ His sleepy voice asked.

Jessica, without even flinching, opened the door back, heavily, diminishing the gloom of the corner where she was standing. _"I thought I heard a noise."_ The woman suddenly spoke, after seconds of silence causing a chill that ran down his spine at the coldness in his mother's voice, a coldness that almost equaled the one in her eyes that he could barely even see because of the darkness _. "Go back to sleep, honey. Tomorrow will be a new day."_ And at that Theo sighed, caressing his eyes tiredly, watching his mother leave the room but not before giving a quick last look at it.

 

And, even if the hours passed and a new day approached, the feeling wouldn’t just go away so easily. When he woke up later the same morning, something still felt out of place. No matter how much he tried to cope with that strange feeling, it would never go away. Not during breakfast, not even during lunch. Not after the conversation, his mother had desperately tried to have, nor when Liam had knocked on his door. No, that feeling would only grow more and more.

 

There was something strange, something he couldn’t understand. There was something familiar, something he knew, but he couldn’t remember. A feeling.

There was something in his mother, in Malia.

Something in Liam, that aroused thousands of sensations in him that he couldn’t classify. There was something in that place they’d visited almost at dusk that felt strangely like home. There was that gallery, that apartment and every corner of it. There was something about that piano and those notes he had played without even being aware of his talent. There was something about himself that he was afraid to discover, but that eventually, would unveil.

 

**_Things had never been simple, and with the passage of time, they would only get worse. However, and above all disheartening aspect, a light could still be seen at the end of the long, dark tunnel. The whole damn universe seemed to conspire against them, but something even more powerful would fight with all its strength to be on their side._ **

 

 _"Theo?"_ Liam called from behind. His body was completely paralyzed, unable to react as he wanted. It'd move alone, without accepting any order from his brain. _"Theo?"_ He called again, the terror was present in his voice.

Images and sounds, however, appeared in Theo's mind so quickly that it was impossible to understand any of them. He could feel his life pass through his eyes and it was frustrating not being able to stop to analyze each moment carefully. It was overwhelming to be witnessing so many moments unknown to him at the same time that he couldn’t even distinguish reality. And when it finally stopped _"I remembered,"_ he babbled. A smile of confusion appeared on his face as he automatically turned back while fear took over his gaze after the terrible sensation of noticing after a few seconds, each memory had vanished. Again.

 

His body fell, heavily against the piano, feeling a sharp pain in his ribs, which would gradually disappear as he lost consciousness. His trembling body shook one last time, losing consciousness at the same time his eyes closed. He could feel the disorientation in the distance. The cold of what was about to come and a darkness that appeared after a blackout in his mind.

 

Liam's body then moved quickly, instinctively. Taking Theo in his arms, preventing his head from hitting like the rest of his body. _"Theo!"_ He screamed, dragging the heavy unconscious body to the carpet, scattering any object that stood in his way _. "Theo, please wake up!"_ He begged, shaking him. Checking his pulse and again shaking him without getting him to wake up. Despair took control of the situation when Liam stood up and started running from side to side, looking for his phone. Where had he left it? After searching even in the bathroom, his hands went to his face, drowning in them while stifling a scream of fury. When he looked up and saw himself in the mirror, he could see how pale and sick he looked, feeling he was about to faint just as Theo had.

 

How had Theo got in there? Was it his fault for having left him alone downstairs in the gallery? Maybe he should have not even go to Theo’s house in first place. He remembered for a moment then that Theo had babbled a few words before losing consciousness, and that only altered him more. Theo remembered? What would that mean for Theo’s condition? His faintness made sense, it was due to the shock, but Liam couldn’t help but feel guilty for the possible damage that might have caused.

_"Get your shit together, Liam!"_ He said to himself after finding his phone as he walked back into the living room. He didn’t know what to do, should he call emergencies?  If he waited, it could be counterproductive, but even if he was Theo's husband, calling emergencies or Jessica would have unpleasant consequences _. "For God's sake, this is a fucking_ ** _―_** _"_ suddenly his voice contracted, as he reached the living room and saw Malia kneeling in front of Theo, with an expression of nervousness. _"…nightmare."_

 _"Whatever happens, leave that phone there,"_ the brunette ordered, immediately, dragging Theo next to the sofa. _“We’re going to have a long conversation.”_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Just hours later, the clouds broke off and the sun began to appear in the distance, beginning the long-awaited dawn. A new day had begun and it was time to pay the consequences of the previous day. While Malia drove in silence, Theo kept his eyes on the road, avoiding asking questions that he knew wouldn’t have the answers he’d expect.

The whole situation was complicated to understand and certainly, the few remaining energies he had wouldn’t spend them in vain. He still had too much to think about and didn’t even know how he would do to deal with his own thoughts.

 

As the minutes passed and the road was getting shorter and shorter, Theo could already feel the lack of oxygen in his lungs and the headache approaching every meter the vehicle drove. How would he stand to endure every rebuke from his mother? How would he pretend that everything was fine, when more than ever, he knew it wasn’t? His patience had a limit, and the limit had already been surpassed by the incidents that had been going on for weeks.

 

 _"How do you feel?"_ Malia asked once her vehicle slowed down. They were just yards from parking on the sidewalk, where Jessica was waiting with her arms folded, with an expression that they could not differentiate between anger and worry.

 _"Is there any other way I can feel?"_ Theo answered, honest, peeling off his seatbelt. _“Like shit.”_ And as soon as his body was out of the vehicle, it was a matter of seconds for Jessica to get in his way, with fury in her eyes. _"Can we save the discussion for later? It was a long night and I would like to rest first."_

Jessica's jaw opened, in surprise at the cold tone of her son. _"Don’t worry, I'll take him to his room."_ Suddenly Malia interrupted the string of scolding that was about to leave the mouth of the woman, who silent, nodded. Undoubtedly surprising Theo _. “I know you’re angry, but keep your acting up,”_ Malia whispered while walking along with her neighbor to the big house.

 

Upon entering through the front door, Theo could feel how he had just signed his death sentence. He understood that by agreeing to return with Malia, he’d agreed to return to the prison his life had become, except with more reinforcement in its security now. But what other option did he have? If he had stayed with Liam, things would have ended badly not only for him but also for his friend and that was something he couldn’t allow to happen. It was unfair that Liam had to fight a battle that didn’t correspond to him.

 

 _"I know you don’t have many reasons to trust in me,"_ Malia whispered once they were in Theo's messy room. _"I hurt you, and I allowed others to hurt you, and I’ve never been sorrier."_

 _"I don’t know what you're talking about,"_ Theo replied, shrugging. If there had been doubts about his familiarity with Malia before, they had now dissipated completely. It was obvious that both had known each other for some time, but he still didn’t fully understand their connection.

 _"I know you don’t remember me, and, on the one hand, that's good."_ The brunette smiled, head down. _"But we cannot escape the past, and I won’t escape mine."_ After a long silence, Malia looked up, showing the sadness on her face. She felt regret and disappointment for herself. She wanted things to be different, but the past couldn’t be changed, nevertheless, the future depended on her decisions. _"I can’t change what happened, but I can avoid making the same mistakes. And, believe me, I will do the impossible to help."_

****

**_Because maybe there was still hope for her, there would always be another battle to fight. The war hadn’t yet ended and the victory still didn’t have its owner._ **

**_But how to make up every bad decision Malia had made in her life? While repentance was present, the possibilities were still uncertain. However, she had hope and knew that starting with Liam would be one of the many options to start redeeming herself at her disposal._ **

**_Her arrival had not been coincidence, it had a sense. Like Liam's suspicions, but nevertheless, everything had its explanation, and in time each of them would arrive. And having reached Liam’s apartment would lead to a revelation that, while generating more questions, at least would clear some._ **

 

The nervousness could feel it even in the marrow while driving through the city following the indications that had marked down on her phone. She was still trying to understand how she had come to this situation when she’d promised to forget the past, surprising herself to be dragged back by it. However, it made sense; she’d never liked running away and wouldn’t run from a battle she could still win, no matter how lost she thought the war was, Malia still had an ace up her sleeve. A trick she didn’t expect.

 

During the whole trip, her thoughts annihilated all the peace she tried to gather in her mind, trying to find the appropriate words to say, however, how to approach Liam without him closing the door in her face? without giving her a chance to speak? She had to be careful, she wouldn’t have the same opportunity twice.

When her phone vibrated, she knew she had reached her destination thanks to the GPS notification. Looking at the half-open door of the gallery, she confirmed that she was in the right place; Liam had never been careful enough to close a door properly. However, upon entering, the worry and the bad feeling merged creating chaos in her mind. No one was there, and she could see another door in the background, just as half-closed. Where the hell was he?

 

Her feet moved by themselves, not without first giving a quick look at each painting that hung on the walls, now she could really admire the great talent that Liam possessed. _"Liam?"_ She called softly as she approached the dim light at the bottom of the stairs. Malia could hear Liam in the distance stammering phrases she didn’t understand, followed by the familiar noise of objects falling to the ground. Quickly, Malia hurried up the last flight of stairs, opening the door forcefully. Seeing Theo on the floor and Liam running from one side to the other, without even noticing her presence was a sign that this wasn’t bad, but terrible. What the hell had happened?! _"Theo!"_ She exclaimed, coming out of her own trance, running towards the young man on the ground. Her trembling hands went to Theo's wrist, checking for a pulse. There were no traces of blood, nor any trace of Theo taking a friendly nap in such an awkward position. But what had been the reason for his unconsciousness? What had caused the fainting? _"Liam!"_ She called again, however, her voice was overshadowed by the insults Liam carried out loudly, with total nervousness.

After long seconds of trying to wake Theo in vain, she heard footsteps in front of her. _"Nightmare..."_ Liam whispered away in surprise. When she looked up, the young man dropped his phone to the floor, letting her see that her presence was something he definitely didn’t expect. And judging by the color of his face, she could swear he was even scared.

 _"Whatever happens, leave that phone there,"_ she ordered, dragging Theo next to the sofa, taking a pillow from it and putting it under his head. Liam was still in his position, in a state of shock _“We’re going to have a long conversation.”_ she whispered, nervously. That wasn’t going the way she wanted _. "But now help me!"_

 

If the day itself had been long enough, the night would be even longer. Liam hurried to Malia, helping her to bring the body to the sofa. The next few minutes in which Liam and Malia had tried to wake Theo up, however, had been in vain. Theo seemed to be in a deep sleep, from which he refused to wake up.

 

Liam, of course, was trying to distract Malia, so he could call to emergencies. He knew that Jessica would kill him as soon as she’d find out her son was in the hospital, again, but he couldn’t risk his husband's health to save his own ass either. _"You can’t call to emergencies!"_ Malia denied for the fifth time, walking towards the photographs of Theo and Liam resting in the fireplace. She quickly hid them out of Theo's reach, placing them in a safer place. _"I know what Jessica is planning… she will place a restraining order against you."_

And that's when the world seemed to freeze for a moment to later fall apart. Liam was silent for several seconds, trying to come to his senses. _"What?"_ He finally whispered, as if what Malia had said would have been the weirdest thing he had ever heard. _"What are you talking about? She can’t, I'm his husband_ ** _―"_**

 _"Theo is not in his faculties, the whole process that his parents did after the accident made Jessica his legal guardian,"_ Malia answered, feeling disagreement over the decisions Jessica made. _"You can’t call to emergencies, because if she finds out, it will only complicate things even more."_ She then sentenced, feeling Liam's irritation catch her.

 

Liam let out a nervous laugh, walking to the section of the living room where the small kitchen was. Dragging a chair, he sat down leaning his arms on the breakfast table, feeling completely useless. He knew what Jessica was capable of, he knew. But every day he’d get more surprised at how far she could go.

 

 _"I don’t expect you to trust me,"_ Malia whispered, walking towards Liam. _"I know I hurt you both a while ago, and I'm sorry."_

 _"Of course."_ Liam laughed, ironically _. "Do you expect me to trust you after everything you've done? To trust when it's ridiculously convenient for you to return after the accident and mysteriously know of Jessica's plans? "_

 _"As I said, I don’t expect you to trust me."_ She denied, looking at Theo. He kept his arm dangling off the sofa, as his fingers began to move slowly _. "But I know you know what Jessica is capable of, and I know you know there's something else going on here, so trust in common sense, Liam. You must keep your distance until it is appropriate to take the next step."_

A minute after, Liam denied. Getting up from the chair. He was beginning to lose his temper. _"Are you really coming to my house to tell me to stay away from my husband? I don’t think so. I never left his side and I won’t let you or Jessica change that."_

_"For God’s sake, Liam! You must understand, that is the best you can do. It's what Theo wanted."_

 

Then, Malia quickly kept silence. Cursing in her thoughts. She had said more than she should have, and Liam wouldn’t let it pass. How did Malia know what Theo wanted? How did Malia know so much if she had just returned days ago? Something else was definitely happening, but what was it? What was it that Liam was not seeing?

 

 _"It's complicated to explain,"_ Malia said, reaching into her pocket, pulling out a small USB device while lengthening it for Liam to take it. _"Everything you need to know is in here."_

By taking it and seeing that name again, Liam's skin bristled. _"Who is Tara?"_

 _"By saying it, I would only put you at risk. You and Theo.”_ She whispered, turning back to Theo. _"Discovering it anyway, however, is your decision."_ Still not very confident, Liam raised an eyebrow putting the pen drive in his pocket _. "This is not your battle, Liam. But Theo can’t fight this alone, and even if I came to help, it's not enough. Theo needs you."_

 _"Then why should I step back and stay away?"_ He asked, sarcastically.

_"Jessica is an enemy that you don’t want, believe me. Sometimes to help, it is better not to help. And if Jessica thinks you're not helping..."_

_"Then, I’d be helping?"_ Mild moans escaped Theo's lips as he began to writhe in place, creating grimaces of pain on his face. Malia turned to Liam for the last time before walking towards Theo.

 _"I wish I could help more, let Theo stay with you, but it's not safe. You've seen what happened..."_ Malia said, placing a hand on Liam's shoulder, feeling strange for the contact. _"Theo knew what we were up against, and he couldn’t fight it. That Theo doesn’t remember, at the moment is a good help."_ Liam, still confused, followed Malia quickly to Theo, placing a hand on his, caressing him.

 

Slowly, Theo began to regain consciousness, however, his eyelids weighed, unlike his body, which felt strangely light. He could hear sounds around him that were familiar, voices, but he was still stunned to connect each point in its place. The images that still came and went, even when his eyes remained closed, began to disappear little by little.

Theo felt confused, disoriented. He didn’t understand what was happening, or why he felt anguish, oppression in his chest. He could then hear his voice, hear Liam babble words that at that moment didn’t make sense. He could feel the touch of his cold hand caressing his.

 

 _"Please, Theo... wake up."_ After several attempts, he managed to concentrate on the voice that resonated in the distance, understanding the call, feeling the concern in Liam’s voice. His body then moved with more force, feeling as his eyelids began to open and the headache and abdomen pain made him want to lose consciousness again.

 _"Liam..."_ Theo murmured when he opened his eyes completely, unable to avoid smiling slightly when he saw Liam in front of him.

 

The younger, still with the worry on his face, smiled leaning down to hug him. With relief permeating his smile, but with the pain in his eyes of suspecting that it would be the last time he would be in his arms. Looking towards Malia, he saw the brunette point at the door with her eyes, moving away slowly.

It was inevitable that his eyes would be filled with tears when Theo finally returned the hug and after weeks, he could finally feel safe in the arms of his husband.

 

Theo, still disoriented, denied several times, trying to eliminate the tears that threatened to go off. He felt anguish in his chest, a lump in his throat that intensified second after second _. "I remembered,"_ he whispered, denying. The air was beginning to run out and on the verge of despair, he sobbed. _"But I can’t remember anything anymore. Everything is gone... again."_

 

He couldn’t explain the feeling that suddenly filled his heart. He could feel the disappointment of not remembering and the helplessness of losing something he had recovered, just as he could feel comfort in Liam's arms. It was as if everything was disappearing, but at the same time, it stayed there, demonstrating that there was something he didn’t yet understand.

The emptiness was filled, but at the same time, it was emptying again. He could feel that he had everything, but at the same time, he lost everything. He could feel that nothing was right, but in Liam's arms, he felt that everything would be fine.

 

His eyes closed tightly, holding back the tears that came out no matter what _. "I don’t remember."_ He confessed between sobs. He couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore, everything was dark again. _"I don’t remember, Liam."_

 _"I'm here, darling. I won’t go anywhere."_ Liam whispered, trembling. Without hesitation, Theo clung even more to Liam's body, sinking his face into his shoulder. Letting all the emotions he had tried to ignore be released into that much-needed cry. Letting all the pain be expelled from his body.

 

Even if he didn’t remember, Theo knew that Liam had a place in his heart. In his life, not as his friend, nor as his brother. As something he couldn’t yet decipher, as if it were his other half. As if both were the same.

Every second that passed with him, or every second in which he thought of him, the feeling grew inside him. That trust, that affection that had always been present, but it was hard to see. That peace that Liam's gaze conveyed, that assurance that made Theo want to be strong, endured all the pain knowing that things would get better.

That hope in his eyes, in his voice. That hope in that hug, in the love it gave off.

 

 _"Theo..."_ Liam sighed, breaking the hug in pain. Feeling how Theo was once again torn from his life. _"You need to leave."_ And at the look of desolation, he swallowed, nervous. How would he find a good reason to convince him? How would he find a way to tell him the truth, without saying the truth? How? _"There is something you need to know..."_ and remembering the words of Malia, after a long sigh began a brief and almost useless explanation full of truths and lies that, however, had convinced Theo. Because he knew what his mother was capable of, and because he trusted Liam.

 

Minutes later, Theo kept his eyes fixed on the cup of tea that Liam had prepared, which was beginning to cool, still trying to understand everything he had heard. It was difficult, but he understood the reason why his mother hated Liam so much. However, Theo had already chosen a side, and wouldn’t change his mind.

 

 _"I know you still have questions, and I really want to answer them,"_ Liam whispered, reaching out his hand in fear. He wanted to touch Theo's hand, but he didn’t know what the reaction would be, he did not want to disturb him any more than he already was. _"But you must understand, that at this very moment it’s not possible."_

Theo, sighing, nodded. His eyes went to Liam's hand, which rested in the air, trembling slightly. _"I know."_ Then, he smiled. Extending his hand and taking Liam's, feeling an electric current. _"I trust you, Liam. Maybe more than I trust myself."_ He laughed, taking a sip of tea. It was good.

Liam smiled, feeling more nervous than ever. _"Why do you hold my hand?"_ He asked, curious. Theo quickly shrugged, not letting it go, as he gave hidden glances to the whole room. He still felt a strange feeling to be there. With Liam. _"A few moments ago, I heard you whisper something... when I asked you, you said you hadn’t said anything."_ Liam went silent, smiling. _"You asked who you were."_

Theo laughed, nervously. He tried to hide it in vain _. "I never said that, are you telling me that I don’t know who I am?"_

 _"Nobody does."_ He sighed, shrugging. _"You only think you know what you see in your mirror every morning, what your thoughts make you believe, but you are more than that... you don’t remember me, but I do know you. You are a strong person, although sometimes you end up defeated. You are a wonderful, kind, loving person who always tries to find the good in situations like these. Situations that deserve a cry of defeat, but nevertheless you don’t give up, you smile, even if you fall to pieces and keep going... Maybe everything seems pointless at this moment, that everything is lost... but you are still you. You are still being yourself, no matter what happens, you never stop being you. A merciful, honest person... A special person. You are special, Theo. You are the shiniest star of all."_

 

Theo remained silent, smiling. He kept his eyes fixed on the teacup, trying not to let the tears fall, or his cheeks to continue to blush. Every once in a while, his eyes went to the grip of their hands, which made him smile more.

It felt good, even if everything was falling apart. He felt special. But at the same time, silly. He had never felt that way, losing himself in someone's eyes was a weird but unique experience he never felt before.

 

Liam rolled his eyes at hearing his phone ring, they both knew it was Malia. Probably the girl had lost the patience of waiting for so long. Theo, with tears of frustration, smiled sadly, breaking eye contact. He could feel a slight breeze coming through the window, beginning to feel cold.

_"It's time."_ Liam then whispered, in a lamenting tone. Theo simply listened to his friend’s voice, feeling each word hurt more than a thousand stabs. _"She's waiting outside."_

 

**_Staying strong, resisting, fighting back was not easy, but neither impossible. Because now the inevitable battle had begun, and there was not only hope but also a certainty. Certainty they would find a way._ **

**_There would be millions of obstacles, but none would be an impediment. Both would find the way, together._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter; "Everything" by Lifehouse.


	21. Once Known, Now Unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry for the delay, but these months have been really crazy.  
> If I'm honest, I've been thinking about canceling this story, but I thought of you and your nice comments and you DO NOT DESERVE IT! You are truly amazing, so I promise I'll try my best to finish this story I have so much fun writing <3 
> 
> I really hope you like it :(

The fact that both had shared such an intimate moment meant that a pact had been forged. A pact that would be difficult to break. Theo Raeken could still feel goosebumps remembering the way Liam had looked at him hours ago. With so much pain in his eyes, but at the same time, with something that he couldn’t yet relate to.

There was a certain shine that reminded him of something he thought he had never known. And that made Theo feel so confused, and at the same time so frustrated. But something had definitely changed and there was something that Theo didn’t want to admit because it terrified him. But he couldn’t deny that the feeling he had felt since the day he woke up in that hospital bed was now more awake than ever. As if the fact of having had a vision of what his memories could have probably been, even if he forgot them seconds later, meant something. As if that had been a signal, something inside him trying to scream and tell him that the answer was in front of his eyes. But again, Theo fought against his inner demons. He was afraid to open the way to something new. To the once known, and now unknown.

On the other hand, he struggled against his desperation to feel imprisoned by his own mother. He didn't doubt the love that the woman claimed to feel for him, but at the same time, he didn't understand what she feared so much. What was she trying to protect him of? Because there was no other answer, Jessica was just as terrified. So much overprotection only showed how insecure of something the woman was, but that was not a simple act of desperation to mend the broken relationship they both had.  
No. Jessica wanted to keep him close, but what for? And why?

The questions hovered minute by minute, day after day. And no matter how hard he tried to stay calm, Theo felt that soon he wouldn't longer bear so much uncertainty. His attempts to get close to his mother had failed enormously. The woman seemed not longer trusted him, even if she herself made sure Theo didn't even go out into the garden. How could he earn her trust again? Was there another way out, if not? Even if what he wanted most was to run away, something forced him to remain calm every time his impulses were impossible to control.  
Why was it so contradictory? He wanted to know the truth, but at the same time, he seemed not to want to. He had never been a submissive person, but lately, he had agreed to plunge into uncertainty. Was it possible that that feeling was real? Was the truth in front of his eyes and Theo refused to see it? Was it possible that Theo actually knew the truth and simply refused to accept it?  
The questions hovered minute by minute, day after day. And no matter how hard he tried to stay calm, one day he could no longer contain himself.

 _"I'm sick of this bullshit!"_ The silent dinner was interrupted when a scream of despair ran out of Theo's mouth as soon as he opened it. His throat burned and a sharp pain soon hit his head after the daze that his own words had caused. Jessica stifled a cry of fright, watching as the food that seconds ago was on her son's plate was now scattered on the expensive carpet. Theo was angrily blinded. Looking to nowhere, trying to control his agitated breathing. _"I can't anymore."_ He whispered once more, letting the tears run down his cheeks. Jessica slowly rose from her seat, reaching for her son's shoulder. She could see how the young man's body trembled without containment. _"I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of you treating me like I'm a kid. And I'm sick of letting you get away with it!"_ Suddenly, the glass was smashed against the wall, followed by the other cutlery and decorations on the table, making Jessica step back.  
The woman simply stood up, in the same place. Seeing how her son let go all the anger and impotence contained for so long. There really was nothing she could do but let him do what he had to. When the anger show ended, Theo walked on his steps until he hit the wall, dropping and sliding down it. He felt so broken inside, he didn't know if there was anything that could make him feel better. " _I was just trying to protect you," Jessica said, with total honesty. "I know that the measures I have taken have not been as cautious, but--"_  
"Cautious?" Theo let out a sordid, tired laugh. He couldn't even look up, his eyelids weighed, forcing him to keep his eyes closed. _"From what? Of what did you want to protect me from?"_  
Jessica walked towards him. She slowly knelt beside her son, trying not to break in tears. " _From yourself"_ She whispered, finally. _"Things were complicated before the accident. And I just thought that... by keeping you here, with me, it would keep you safe."_  
"You tried to protect me from the truth." Theo corrected. _"You thought that by hiding the truth from me...? And, knowing that even then the uncertainty would destroy me, you continued with your plan."_  


_"I was just trying to protect you."_ Jessica repeated, without repentance in her voice _"And if I had the chance to do it again, I would do it without hesitation!"_

The young man sighed, standing up. What did she mean by protecting him from himself?

 _"Your father and I have been trying to get back in touch with you, for years. But you would simply ignore us as if we didn't exist."_ Jessica explained, still kneeling on the floor. _"I know what I did was wrong. Keeping your truth from you was not the right thing to do, but it was my only chance to have you with me again."_  
Theo was silent, trying to process what his mother said. _"If I didn't want to have contact with you, it must have been for a reason, isn't it?"_ Jessica nodded, nervously, drawing the attention of her son who, for the first time in minutes, gave a look at her. _"So ... you decided to isolate me from the world. You thought that, if you kept me in captivity, I wouldn't remember and that way I wouldn't leave on your side."_ He smiled, without feeling a thing, _"You're pathetic."_ Jessica closed her eyes tightly, trying in vain that her tears didn't go off. _"Well, it's over, mom."_ He whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. _"And there's nothing you can do to stop me."_

And as soon as Theo sentenced the way he felt about it, his feet began to move toward the exit. He knew there was no turning back, but at least he was certain that his mother wouldn't go after him this time.  
Protect him from himself? That phrase still echoed in his mind, but he didn't want to pay much attention to it. There was only one place he wanted to be in go right now, and he had to hurry before it got even darker.  
As his footsteps began to grow longer and faster, he could feel his heart beating harder, while his tears burned his cheeks. Did this mean he was free from his prison? He knew that was not the end of the story, that there were still too many unknowns, but at that moment, he only cared about one thing. He just wanted one thing.

It was almost ironic that every trot he took seemed to be coordinated with the destination he had in mind as if he knew it by heart. He supposed that he certainly did.  
His breathing was broken by trotting after trot and the pain in his chest didn't disappear. He knew he should take a minute to rest, but still, his feet did not stop and Theo kept running toward the center of the city. He could see how the sky gradually began to take its characteristic night dark color, while the lights in the distance were the only thing that accompanied him, apart from his agitated breathing. For how many hours would he has been running? He really didn't know nor did care either, despite knowing that once he stopped running, the pain in his legs would throw him to the ground.

 

* * *

 

A strange tingling got present in his stomach when his steps began to be slower. As the streets became strangely known, Theo turned his swift trots into quick steps, knowing that he was getting closer and closer.  
A smile appeared on his face as he made his way into the small art gallery full of paintings. How would Liam react to the news? Of course, Theo didn't even know how to react himself, because he had not even taken a second to understand the way he felt. And maybe it was because he just didn't want to think about it while being alone, he needed to know he could count on someone if he'd break, and he knew that, that someone... _"Liam!"_ Theo called, with no answer. He knew it was late, maybe around 10 pm, so the fact that the art gallery was still open meant that Liam was still up. _"Buddy! It's me, Theo!"_ He called again, not letting the nervousness cloud his enthusiasm.

Again, without getting an answer, he approached the door that led to the stairs of his friend's apartment. He knew it would be very imprudent to go up and get inside, just like that, but something inside him made him feel that that was the right thing to do, which again filled him with terror.  
A sharp pain almost froze his legs, however, Theo continued to walk forward, without looking back. He needed to see Liam, and he didn't care if the feeling was wrong and he was in fact, being imprudent.  
It was worth it.

And then, Theo took another step. Turning the knob of the door, wide opening it, going down the dark path up.  
Trembling, but decided.  
His heart was beating like never before, and cold sweat soaked his body. He didn't know why he suddenly felt feverish, maybe it was because he had run without stopping, because of how overwhelmed he felt or for some other reason that he didn't know. Or maybe he did...

 _"Liam?"_ Theo called, in a faint whisper. As if he didn't want Liam to know he was there. _"Liam?"_ His voice suddenly faltered, once he was inside the apartment. Everything was still in place, and again, that feeling hit him so hard that he had to hold on to the door frame to keep him from falling.

However, there was only silence. Was Liam out? That didn't make sense, why would he have left both doors unlocked if he wasn't there? Had something bad happened to him? Theo put a hand to his stomach, trying to avoid the bad feeling he felt just thinking about that possibility.  
After seconds of getting himself together, Theo took another step. Inspecting each site and object carefully with his eyes. There was something in that apartment that made him feel safe. As if all evil disappeared when he was there, however, that place now felt incomplete.

 _"Liam?"_ He called, walking down the corridor he believed led to his friend's room. The bathroom door was open, so he knew that at least he wasn't there either. But where the hell was he, if not? Almost without hesitation, Theo opened the only closed door in that hallway. Without even hitting first, he went into the large and empty room. Of course and as he had imagined, his friend was not there either. But the fact that it was empty of human presence didn't mean that it was not full of a lovely presence.

Theo smiled, not even aware of it. The room was a mess, certainly. But even that, made him feel comfortable. Along with the scent of cherry mixed with the fresh smell of watercolor paint and the soft breeze that came in through the semi-open window. In the distance, he could hear the sound of a radio, almost drowned. Theo could swear there was a small radio between all the blankets unattended.  
He smiled, again. Walking towards the big bed and sitting on it. A strong sense of nostalgia soon flooded his heart and that hurt more than a thousand stabbings. He couldn't help but blush at being so comfortable with the smell of cherry perfume, mixed with the faint smell of sweat that the sheets emanated. Suddenly, he felt the great need to lie on that bed and hide among the heavy blankets, but he knew that, if Liam found him there, it would unleash a huge uncomfortable moment.

 _"Where are you, Lee?"_ Theo asked in a whisper, feeling an inexplicable joy at mentioning that nickname that he didn't know where it had come from. _"Lee..."_ He repeated to himself. And sighing once more, Theo let himself be carried away by his impulses, slowly falling backward on the bed. He no longer cared if Liam found him, that bed was so comfortable. _"Lee..."_ Theo smiled, closing his eyes.

He didn't want to remember what had happened that same day, but it was almost impossible. Being in that room made his mind be transported to another place, giving him such immense calm that he could no longer control his thoughts, nor his memories.  
There were so many unanswered questions, and still, he felt so tired of wanting answers. At that moment, he wondered if the fact that he felt so comfortable with his friend's presence meant something else because he had never felt that familiarity with someone else, not even during his childhood with the almost forgotten memory he had of the love from his parents. It was impossible that this was a simple friendship, but neither could he decipher what else it could be. It was something that was unknown.  
Could Liam appear in his life be a sign? He didn't want to let his imagination run wild, but from all possible places and times, Theo had a flash of his memories, at least for a second, in that apartment and all thanks to Liam. Kind of.  
Was Theo truly alone in life? Why did he only feel safe with his friend? What had led him to distance himself from his parents in those years? What had happened?

 _"Protecting me from myself"_ Theo sighed, opening his eyes with heaviness. Had he been asleep for a moment? His body ached, but not as much as before. That bed was truly miraculous, he thought, turning on his body, looking toward the small bedside table. The brushes were on it next to the lamp, however, he could also see a small piece of paper sticking out of the little drawer that was not properly closed. _"Huh..."_ he whispered, falling to the temptation not to let curiosity consume him. _"What?"_ His voice sounded in the distance, as he lunged at the drawer, pulling out the paper that had turned out to be a photograph.

He smiled, almost bitterly. It was the same image of that painting in the gallery. The hand of his friend intertwined with the one he believed was his lover. Why did it feel so strange when he thought that Liam could be in a relationship with someone else?  
With annoyance, he left the photograph in its place. He didn't understand why the calm had vanished and suddenly he felt angry, as if the fact of not being able to remember something precisely, was so frustrating to the point that that sensation burned his chest. He suddenly took the photograph so hard that he thought he could break it into more than a thousand pieces if he proposed it... when then, he saw it, carefully. The hand that interlaced Liam's. That hand, with that mark on it...

 _"Theo?"_ A familiar female voice caught his attention. With confusion, he turned his gaze, quickly putting the photograph in his pocket, without her noticing. _"What are you doing here?"_ Malia asked, dropping her coat in the small dresser, quite normally.  
_"I could ask the same thing,"_ Theo thought awkwardly, feeling dizzy. He couldn't coordinate the words that came out of his mouth. _"Don't tell Liam that I came."_ He asked, still surprised to see his neighbor there.  
_"Theo..."_ The girl called, again. Trying to stop him, but Theo was already walking away.  
"I have to go." He quickly whispered, stumbling towards the exit quickly. He needed to get fresh air immediately. _"Please. Do not tell him that I came."_ He asked, hoping that his neighbor wouldn't say anything.

And without waiting for an answer, Theo went down to the gallery with such speed that he would narrowly walk down the stairs. The tightness in his chest grew more and more, and it was ironic how he felt trapped in the open air. Blinking rapidly, Theo shook his hands, watching them closely. They trembled uncontrollably.

 _"Oh, God."_ He whispered, bringing both hands to his face. _"Fuck."_ He cursed, feeling so confused that he thought he would faint at any moment. He knew his body from head to toe. He knew every detail of his own skin, from the almost invisible freckles of his face to the scar on his right hand. _"Fuck."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: All I Want by Kodaline.


End file.
